L: Latte [tortie/tabby lady cat aka "Kitten"]
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
Rocket math ...
EM: Momma! I only got 5 treats!
MK: You got 8 treats!
EM: That's less than 5!
MK: No. It's not. How high can you count?
EM: To two!
MK: How many groups of two treats do you have?
EM: You can't expect me to do rocket math!
MK: Rocket math?
EM: Yeah! The math that a person needs to know to rocket themselves into space.
MK: Ummm ... rocket science is ... {seeing Ellie's face} ... {sigh} Never mind.
{Pause}
MK: Okay. You have two treats here, right?
EM: Okay.
MK: And another two treats here.
EM: I guess.
MK: 2 plus 2 is 4.
EM: That's rocket math! I need a calculator!
L: No. That's stupid math!
EM: I know! All math is stupid!
L: That's not the stupid I was referring to.
EM: I take that back. Rocket math is the math a person needs to know to rocket their sisfur into space.
MK: Ellie! Just eat your treats!
EM: But ...
MK: Ellie! I don't expect you to do rocket science. But I DO expect you to eat your treats! This isn't complicated!
L: She's so dumb she doesn't even know to eat!
EM: Yeah? Maybe if you knew to eat a little less, you wouldn't be a HippopotaLottaLatte!
The struggle is real ...
MK: Medicine time!
EM: No, thank you.
MK: It's not optional, Ellie.
EM: I really hate you.
MK: But you want to feel better?
EM: {turning around to give Momma the back of disrespect} I really, really, REALLY hate you!
MK: Come on, Ellie.
EM: I'm going to murder your firstborn child!
MK: That boat has sailed, Ellie. I'm a bit too old to have children.
EM: Erm ... I'm never going to snuggle with you ever again?
MK: Last time you said that, you lasted 27 seconds. I was pretty impressed you held out that long.
L: Yeah! I didn't let Mom touch me for THREE DAYS!
MK: Latte, it was 3 minutes and 6 seconds.
L: Do I have to mention how sad it is that you time how long we don't let you touch us?
EM: Ummmm ... hmmm ... I'm not going to pose for your pictures?
MK: You haven't posed for pictures in months. And I've respected that you're sensitive about your nakedness.
L: Hahaha. Ellie's NAKE-Y!!!!!
EM: Thanks, Momma. I'm not ENTIRELY nake-y ... just my belly, one side, and strips off my tail and front legs.
L: Nake-y!
MK: Latte, shut up.
EM: Yeah, Latte. SHUT UP. I want to see how you react when you fall asleep and wake up to breezes you've never felt before.
L: Wait, that happens? I might take a nap and wake up naked?!?! I'M NEVER SLEEPING EVER AGAIN!
EM: Good luck. They stick you with something that makes you sleep.
MK: Ellie, you're not helping.
L: I am never leaving this house!
MK: Ellie. Med time.
EM: I'm never talking to you EVER again!
{Pause as Momma pills Ellie}
EM: BLECH! That's horrible! I'm never talking to you ever again!
MK: Cuddles?
EM: NO!
MK: Come on, Ellie, let's cuddle!
{Ellie looks at Momma's lap wistfully ... Momma pulls Ellie to her}
EM: Ummm ... I really want to cuddle ...
{Pause}
EM: {pulling away} But I can't!
{Pause}
EM: No. I should.
{Pause}
EM: Not.
{Pause}
EM: Hmmmm.
MK: Come on, Ellie. You've made your point. You've walked in circles four times next to me. I get how mad you are.
EM: You do?
MK: Yeah.
EM: Okay! Cuddles!
MK: I love you, Ellie.
EM: {settling in to cuddle with her Momma in her favorite way} I love you, Momma.
The buffet ...
L: Uhhhhh ... {BUUUUUUUURP!!!!}
MK: What's wrong, Latte?
L: The buffet.
MK: The buffet?! Where?
L: In Ellie's room!
MK: You didn't!
L: I can't move! {BUUUUUUUURP!!!!}
MK: LATTE!
L: Can you lift me up off the floor and put me on the couch?
MK: LATTE!
L: You lift Ellie up onto the bed!
MK: Well, yeah, but ...
L: I'm not feeling very aerodynamic at the moment.
EM: {from the other room} WHERE IS MY FOOD?!?!?! There are FOUR empty plates in here!
MK: LATTE! You ate TWO CANS worth of Fancy Feast at one time?
L: There was a buffet!
MK: Latte!
L: What?
MK: You know you get half a can each twice a day! You weigh 17 pounds!
L: It's not my fault that I'm big-boned!
MK: You ARE NOT big-boned! Your BCS score is 8 out of 9.
L: That's a lie! I'm perfect. I'm 9 out of 9.
MK: Latte, an 8 out of 9 for a body condition score means you're almost obese!
L: But Daddy always says my tail is skinny! I'm practically starving!
MK: Daddy DID NOT say you're starving.
L: But he said my tail is skinny!
MK: Okay. But the rest of you is NOT.
L: {BUUUUUUUURP!!!!}
EM: I'm going to STARVE!
L: I can come barf it all back up for you!
EM: Errr ... okay.
MK: NO! No barfing! No eating barfed food! And no buffets for Latte!
L: That's not fair!
MK: Clearly you can't help yourself.
EM: Yeah. You ate all my food!
L: I need to use the litter box.
MK: Okay.
L: Carry me?
MK: No.
L: You'd do it for Ellie!
EM: Ohhh! That's a great idea! Momma can carry me around on a pillow like a princess!
L: Where did she go?
EM: Momma?!?!
L: I think that means we're being ridiculous. Can you help me up?
{Pause}
L: ELLIE?! MOM?!? HELLLLLLLLOOO?!?!?
{Pause}
L: {BUUUUUUUURP!!!!}
EM: Where's my box?
EM: Her Royal Fatness? Her Royal Dumb@$$ness?
MK: Right there!
EM: NO! That's a different box!
MK: It's the same box in size!
EM: But it doesn't smell like me!
MK: After all the meals you demanded to have in your box, it stunk!
EM: Rude! It smelled like me! I won't use this new box!
MK: Fine. Do you want your old box back?
EM: YES!
MK: Okay, then this new box goes.
EM: NO! Why can't I have both boxes?!
MK: Because YOU JUST SAID you wouldn't use the new box!
EM: Well, just in case!
MK: Ellie, we can't have boxes all over the floor in the house!
EM: Why not?
Royal titles ...
MK: Where would you like to take your dinner, Her Royal Princess Pantherness?
EM: Ummm ...
MK: You think about it, and I'll be back with your food in a minute.
L: Why don't I get a royal title?
EM: What are you talking about? Momma calls you a royal pain in her as ... butt.
L: That's not a royal title!
EM: I assumed she calls you that because of the times you bit her butt.
L: I did that as a kitten! And only once ... three times. But I don't think that's what she's referring to.
EM: Her Royal HippopotaLottaLatte?
L: Try again.
L: You do know that I don't like you?
EM: The feeling is mutual.
L: I also need to lodge a complaint because you always get fed first. AND Mom puts your food wherever you want it.
EM: Befitting my royal title, no doubt.
L: Shut up.
© 2024 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2024. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
Featured posts:
- To read our first She-cat-igans post ... She-cat-igans.
- If you missed the posts about Ellie's health issues (that required being shaved) ...
- Many of Latte's and Ellie Mae's quirks were revealed in ...
Girls, both of you...it was a pleasure hearing from both of you this morning and you sure do sound just like yourselves! :-) Mom here wants to keep up with you both, but she knows she has been concentrating on Ellie lately.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is focusing on Ellie! I feel like the spare cat! ~Latte
DeleteGood to see your sweet faces. Sometimes Moms just need a good cuddle to sort out stuff
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
This is true!
DeleteAw ~ sweet kitties ~ Mom needs cuddles with you always ~ hugs,
ReplyDeleteWishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
clm ~ A ShutterBug Explores,
aka (A Creative Harbor)
Sometimes Mom is too busy cuddling with Ellie! I have to get cuddles from Daddy! ~Latte
DeleteGirls, go for the cuddles, it always makes things better!
ReplyDeleteWe agree!
Delete{giggle} Such hysterical banter, you two. I have to agree with Her Royal Highness...math is stupid. 🐈⬛ 😸
ReplyDeleteHaha.
DeleteAhahaha, Girls, good to hear about your uh ... discussions ...
ReplyDeleteMy sisfur sure talks a lot! ~Latte
DeleteI do think you girls need to get out more. Chase mice, possibly postmen, you USA folk call them malemen I believe? Hey, that means you could chase your dad! OR, maybe you could leash train him and take him for a walk around your estate? Wow, two full tins of fancy feast?! Thats more than I see in a month. A cat can only dream of such luxury.
ReplyDeleteERin
My sisfur gets all the good stuff! It's so unfair! ~Latte
Deleteellie mae…eye noe yur med i sine total lee sux….but if ya think that it taztez like
ReplyDeletetrout, may bee that will help….contin mewed blezzingz frum st franciz two ewe..💙💚💙💚💙💚😺
When my Mom said fish oil, I was like yum. Let me spoil it for you: not yum. Mom and I ended up covered in slippery oil! At least she couldn't grab ahold of me! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteYou two always make me laugh with your conversations. Latte, two tins of food? I am surprised you didn't burst! Good luck with your upcoming scan, Ellie. I agree with your momma, shrinkage and no more spread is great, but no more growth is good too.
ReplyDeleteI felt like I might burst, but I'd do it all over again! #noregrets ~Latte
DeleteI know how you feel Latte. I always overeat at buffets. Of course, since Covid, there haven't been any. :)
ReplyDeleteWhen you put it that way, Mom should understand ... because she does, too! ~Latte
DeleteYou girls are too much! "I want to see how you react when you fall asleep and wake up to breezes you've never felt before" had me MOL!!!
ReplyDeleteThe breeziness is very disconcerting! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteYou two (and Momma) are so clever! We always enjoy your conversations and appreciate the smiles to brighten up our days. XO
ReplyDeleteThat means a lot ... especially when we don't feel funny or clever!
DeleteOh, my word! I haven't laughed this hard in a while, you all are a hoot.
ReplyDeleteThat means so much to us!
DeleteI LOVE the look. Why can't I have both boxes????
ReplyDeleteToulouse and Marjorie
My Momma makes no sense! Boxes don't grow on trees! ~Ellie Mae
Delete