EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy lady cat]
L: Latte [tortie/tabby lady cat aka "Kitten"]
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
The Boy: Momma's fiance, Daddy to Latte and Ellie
EM: I'm going to add that to my list!
The Boy: I'm sorry!
MK: What's going on?
The Boy: I touched her nose and accidentally shocked her.
EM: It was horrible! I have to go add it to my list of all the things you've done wrong to me!
The Boy: Wait. What? A list?
EM: Yeah. As of right now, it's 4,983,297 pages long!
The Boy: You kept a list?!
EM: OBVIOUSLY!
The Boy: I didn't realize you could count that high.
EM: I'm not DUMB!
L: And I counted for her.
The Boy: 4,983,297 pages?! That's pretty long.
L: Now, it's 4,983,298. Because you called her stupid.
The Boy: I didn't call Ellie stupid! I just said that I didn't know she could count that high!
L: We can read between the lines. Or at least I can ...
The Boy: What's on this list?
EM: There are a lot of days you haven't given me treats. Or you didn't give me enough treats. Or you touched me.
The Boy: Treats aren't special if I give them to you every day!
EM: FINE! My snuggles aren't special if I give them to you every day!
The Boy: Erm ...
L: She got you there.
The Boy: Kat! Stop laughing!
L: It's pretty funny! You were outsmarted by ...
MK: LATTE!
The Boy: Ummm ... why do you need to keep a list?
EM: Because Bear said it was important to keep a record just in case we ever had to sue you.
The Boy: How long is the list of what Momma does wrong?
EM: Phht. Why would I keep a list of that?
The Boy: Just in case you have to sue her!
EM: Why would I sue her? She's my MOMMA. She gave birth to me.
{Latte whispers in Ellie's ear}
EM: I mean she's my Momma! She feeds me ... and cuddles me ... and makes sure I'm okay ... she does it so well that I forget I'm adopted!
{Latte whispers in Ellie's ear}
EM: YES! I KNOW I don't look like her! I'm not DUMB!
The Boy: What else have I done wrong to you?
EM: You touch me ... you look at me ... you ignore me ... you don't give me treats .... you don't give me enough treats ... you touch me when I'm snuggling with Momma ... you sit at my spot on the couch ...
The Boy: You mean my spot.
EM: NO. I mean MY spot. Next to Momma.
The Boy: But ...
EM: I wasn't done. You gave me to Momma for her to do horrible things to me ...
The Boy: I haven't done that in years!
EM: But you admit that you did it!
The Boy: Why don't you count the horrible things Momma does to you against her?
EM: Because she's my Momma!
L: Obviously!
The Boy: That makes no sense!
EM: She does the things she doesn't want to do because it's best for us!
L: Well, I wouldn't go THAT far ... I'm not sure it's really BEST for us ...
EM: Whose side are you on?
L: Well, Momma's obviously!
The Boy: HEY! I scoop poop!
L: Do you want a cookie?
EM: Is it a tuna cookie?
L: I don't know!
EM: You don't know what flavor of cookie you're offering?
L: NO! It's just a saying!
The Boy: I scoop poop!
L: I fling poop!
EM: You two are gross.
L: Do you want me to keep counting the pages of your list for you?
EM: {sigh} Okay.
L: My list is only 3,409,293 pages.
The Boy: You have a list, too?
L: OBVIOUSLY!
MK: Not to be the nerd here ... but we've had Ellie for 7 years ... that's 711,900 pages per year (4,983,298 divided by 7). Latte, we've only had you 3 years ... that's 1,136,431 pages per year (3,409,293 divided by 3).
EM: I must've left some things off my list!
L: I'm just very thorough.
The Boy: I can't believe this! That's ... err ...
MK: 1,950 pages per day for Ellie and 3,114 for Latte. I wish I could write 1,000 pages a day!
The Boy: YOU'RE NOT HELPING!
MK: Since you two are so prolific, perhaps you guys should start writing our blog.
L: Daddy makes it easy. And we don't believe in free labor.
EM: Yeah. And thinking is hard.
MK: I feed you! Nothing is FREE. To be fair, Daddy's a good Treat Man and Poop Scooper.
EM: Says the Momma that doesn't require him to provide treats or poop scoop.
MK: I see your point.
The Boy: HEY! I'm right here!
L: Momma, how long is your list?
The Boy: Her list of WHAT?
L: What you've done wrong!
The Boy: She doesn't have a LIST of what I've done wrong!
{Kat laughs out loud}
The Boy: I can't believe this! I'm going to start lists of my own! The first thing on each of your lists is that you have lists of what I've done wrong!
L: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness."
EM: Yeah. You're a copycat. But not really a cat. Not even an honorary cat.
MK: Come on, you two. No one's perfect. And no one is suing anyone.
L: Yeah. Because Bear's lawyer hung up on me!
MK: It's fun to joke about lists ... but we don't need them.
EM: But ...
L: YEAH! We're JOKING.
EM: Umm ... but yesterday you said ...
{Latte whispers in Ellie's ear}
EM: Oh.
The Boy: Oh?! Oh, what?!
EM: Erm ... my Momma's calling. I have to go.
The Boy: Your Momma's right here!
EM: Erm ... my other Momma. {running away} BYE!
The Boy: Latte?!
L: {taking off after Ellie} BYE!
The Boy: I'm going to add this to my lists!
© 2024 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2024. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
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If you missed Latte's unfortunate encounter with Bear's lawyer, you may read about in Latte calls Bear's lawyer.
What you both need is a housekeeper to keep tabs on your lists for you. Or get an app to keep tabs on your complaints. Maybe you could branch out into AI to do these things for you. Ask Elon to see if he can develop a Meow/Purr Bot for the times when you both want to be alone. . .
ReplyDeleteERin
Add an app developer to my list of help wanted ads ... ~Latte
DeleteMOL MOL ERin read my mind.
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
Great minds think alike!
Deleteellie and latte …itza good thing reel lee that santy clawz doez knot reed yur
ReplyDeleteliztz coz heez all wayz checkin thingz twice N in thiz caze dad ..N mom two
…wood prob ablee never ever again in 68,209, 137 yeerz…..get prezentz 🙀😺‼️🐟💖💖
Does that mean Santa would have more money to buy us presents? ~Latte
DeleteSuch long lists of complaints ... Maybe Ellie Mae and Latte need to hire a tabby to keep tabs on all that?!
ReplyDeleteWell, Latte is part tabby ... but I don't know if I can trust her ... ~Ellie Mae
DeleteHee, hee...."Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness." We couldn't agree more.
ReplyDeleteYour fur-iends,
Elsa & Wilson, the House Pony 🐾
House Pony?!? Inquiring minds want to know what that means ...
DeleteThat is quite the list. I think my Rosie is working on one of all the bad things Friday does to her. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to start a list of all the bad things Latte does to me! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteWoodrow's mind is blown. He didn't know that numbers could get so high! That's like to three at least three times, right?
ReplyDeleteErm ... Latte does the math for me ... ~Ellie Mae
DeleteDang, now I'm wondering, I better see if anyone here is keeping a list!
ReplyDeleteIf all your cats are keeping lists ... we can't imagine the number of pages!
DeleteI'm kinda feeling sorry for your daddy. He's totally outnumbered there!
ReplyDeleteThat's why Momma forbid us from keeping our lists! ~Latte
DeleteHeeheehee! Go ahead, keep the lists, they'll be great humor books someday.
ReplyDeleteI think you vastly overestimate the humor in a list where 45% of the complaints are the same thing (not enough treats!).
DeleteOh yikes. We sure hope Ava isn't keeping one of those lists!
ReplyDeleteProbably not ...
DeleteI am one who keeps lists, but you both definitely outlist me!
ReplyDeleteCats have a way of being overachievers!
Delete