EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy lady cat]
L: Latte [tortie/tabby lady cat aka "Kitten"]
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
The Boy: Momma's fiance, Daddy to Latte and Ellie
Occupying the hallway
MK: Latte, what are you doing?
L: What do you mean, "What are you doing?" Isn't it obvious?
MK: {looking around} Umm ... not really. No.
L: {sigh} Must I explain EVERYTHING to you?
EM: What's going on?
L: Oh, great. Speak of the devil ...
EM: I'm not a devil! I'm not even a little bit evil!
L: It's a saying ... I don't mean the LITERAL devil. If the vet showed up here, that would be disturbing.
EM: Is there food involved in whatever is going on?
L: Mind your own beeswax!
EM: But I don't have any of my own beeswax!
{Everyone just sits/stands there}
L: Do you all mind? I'd like my privacy!
MK: In the middle of the hall?
EM: Yeah, if you want privacy, you should go hide in a corner or something.
L: The humans call you De Void. Now I know why. You are devoid of any brain cells.
MK: No. We call her THE Void. Because ...
{Pause}
MK: Oh, never mind. Just move!
L: {sigh} YOU move! Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you?
MK: Well, I guess so.
L: This hallway is occupied.
MK: That's not how hallways work. Hallways lead to other places. There's no parking.
L: That's how MY hallway works.
MK: So I guess I can't get the bathmat back to put in the bathroom, now that the bathroom floor is clean.
L: You mean MY bathmat.
MK: I guess.
L: I'll let you know when I'm done.
MK: Err ... thanks.
Guarding the pantry
MK: What are you doing?
L: You know what I'm doing.
MK: Do you have to do it right here? I need to get in the kitchen.
L: Where else would I do what I'm doing?
MK: Doorways are like hallways ... no parking. Only through traffic is allowed.
L: All these arbitrary human rules. Besides, there's no door to the kitchen. It can't be a doorway.
MK: They aren't arbitrary!
L: Where else would I do what I'm doing?
MK: I'm busy and can't play with you right now.
L: My cat dancer toy is in the pantry. I need to get it out.
MK: I'm busy. I can't play with you.
L: Okay. Well, you know where I'll be.
MK: Is it my job to entertain you?
L: I could ask you the same question.
MK: Hmm ... you have a point. But do you have to have a point in the middle of the doorway?
L: {loudly sighing} As you are not paying attention ...
{Pause}
L:#1 There is no doorway ...
{Pause}
L: #2 I have to make sure no other cats steal my wand toy from the pantry while I'm not looking.
MK: Other cats?! Because random cats just waltz through our home?
L: You're awfully chatty for being busy. Are you un-busy now?
MK: I haven't done anything!
L: Thus, you're un-busy, right?
MK: No! I haven't had the chance to do anything because I'm talking to you!
L: Good talk. You know where I'll be.
Splashing water from the sink
L: Oh, hmmm ...
{Pause}
L: Maybe this way?
{Pause}
L: {startled} WHAT?! Momma!
{Pause}
L: You know I can't play in the water with you WATCHING!
L: All right! I'm ready!
MK: {sigh}
L: I can't believe you closed me IN THE OTHER ROOM. Like YOU DIDN'T EVEN WANT MY HELP MAKING YOUR BED!
MK: I don't want your help making my bed.
L: Then why did you let me out?
MK: Because I felt bad for depriving you of the joys of helping me make the bed.
L: So you carried me into this room and set me on the bed you want to make? BEFORE you make the bed?
MK: {sigh} Yes.
L: Jobs like making the bed aren't FUN, Momma. You make my helping you make the bed sound like all fun and games! It's hard work!
MK: Like I don't know that?! It's not fun and games when you're wrestling a 16-pound cat with sharp, pointy things!
L: At least you realized who's in charge around here.
MK: At least you're cute.
Reviewing your performance
L: I can't believe Daddy is asleep! Don't commitments mean anything these days?
MK: You tired him out!
L: I'm extremely disappointed. This will be mentioned in his year-end performance review. You two should be on your best behavior.
MK: Be nice.
L: Nowhere in my job description did it say, "Be nice." Remind me of the address for management?
EM: 123 Momma Lane. City: You're Screwed, State: Don't Even Bother.
L: What's the zip code?
{Pause}
L: Oh. Never mind. Very funny.
{Pause}
L: This seems like a conflict of interest. Momma can't be a party in the arrangement AND the manager!
MK: Well, when you pay the bills ...
L: You pay bills?
MK: How do you think we get a home ... and heat ... and food?
L: How do you get money to pay the bills? You sleep 8 hours a day! And sit in front of your computer the rest of the time! Where's this "work?" And who pays for that type of "work?"
MK: I'm sorry I mentioned it.
L: Daddy only played with me for five minutes! He didn't even do the work! I was the one running around chasing my wand toy!
MK: But you don't mind the snuggles now, right?
L: Phht. I have business to take care of with that wand toy.
{Pause}
L: Hey! Since you're just taking pictures and not doing anything important, why don't you play with me?
MK: Lucky me.
Showing you her belly
MK: Okay. That's unbelievably adorable.
L: Don't let my calm, chillaxed exterior fool you. I'm taking care of some very important business.
EM: What are you doing, Latte?
MK: I've learned not to ask.
L: If I told you, I'd have to kill you. And then, who would feed me?
MK: And you're too comfortable to move to kill me?
L: I'm taking care of some very important business.
MK: Like?
L: You totally don't appreciate everything I do for you around here.
Kibble quality control testing
{The food bag rustles}
EM: Hhhm ... hhhm.
{Momma fills the food bowl with food}
EM: Hhhhhhm ... hhhhhhm!!!
{Pause}
EM: HHHHHHHM ... HHHHHHHHHM.
MK: Okay, okay, Ellie!
EM: You know the rules. I test a handful of kibble from the fresh bowl of kibble ... before you put our bowl back.
MK: And if it doesn't meet your standards, I have to empty the bowl and start over again.
EM: I'm ready.
MK: {pouring out some of the kibble} Here.
EM: {crunching} Mmmhmmm ... mmmmhmmmm ... mmm ... hmmm ...
MK: And?
EM: Do you mind? There are four steps to kibble tasting. Visual inspection. Identifying aromas. Assessing the flavors and taste structure. Creating a food profile in one's mind. I'm still thinking.
MK: {sigh} Okay.
{A few minutes pass}
MK: Umm ... Ellie?
{Pause}
EM: Thinking is hard work!
MK: So?
EM: So what?
MK: Does the food pass?
EM: PASS!
L: I appreciate the warning ... but you don't need to announce when you pass gas.
Taking care of you
When Kat was sick for two weeks, Ellie Mae made it her business to play nurse.
© 2023 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2023. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
Featured posts:
- The cats have shared their important jobs before ...
- While we think Ellie Mae would take care of her Mom either way, Bear did entrust her with Momma's well-being in ... Ellie Mae gets promoted.
- Kat got some fun pictures of Latte splashing around in the sink in ... Making hydration fun for your cat [a review parody].
OMCs everyone who is owned or has been owned by a cat know with 100% assurance they are quite busy all the time even though they appear to be sleeping 23 hours a day they are contemplating how they can get a days work done in 1 hour. Hugs Cecilia
ReplyDeleteWe should teach productivity courses!
DeleteDefinitely need some road markings. No loading signs may be good, too. You could pass out traffic violations, too. I'm not saying WHO would be doing these things, but I'm sure it would make a great article and earn someone some extra treats, human or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteERin
Oh, no! Don't get Latte started on signs or she will turn out like Bear! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteAlways a fun read with you guys!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
Deletehay ewe galz….sew we gotta ask why therz KNOT a car in de hall way, iz ther fish
ReplyDeletein de pantree, ore better yet, de sink, and ellie if ewe tern yur kibble art peace
in foto one, sorta kinda a little bit, ewe get a mouz stache ! awesum 🐟‼️😺💙
Haha! You're right!
DeleteLatte, tell you what. Don't take Ellie for granted. She may put up barriers so you CAN'T park in the hallway. That girl knows what she's doing. She learned from the best.
ReplyDeleteI hope Bear is proud of me. ~Ellie Mae
DeleteLatte, you are a most capable hall monitor and Ellie Mae, good for you steping up for the nursing duties!
ReplyDeleteWe work hard and we're good at what we do!
DeleteLatte, you are a busy girl. And good job taking care of your momma Ellie. XO
ReplyDeleteI hope Bear is proud of me. ~Ellie Mae
DeleteYou two deserve a raise!
ReplyDeleteI think you are right! ~Latte
DeleteLatte, you're like the billy goats gruff of the hallway and bathmat. And Ellie Mae, you are such a great nursemaid for Momma. XO
ReplyDeleteMomma says Bear used to do the same thing ... only he would swat at people as they walked past. I keep my paws to myself! ~Latte
DeleteYou are very hardworkers ~ deserve a raise soon ~ ya think? ~ great post and photos and captions and words are fantastic ~ Wow!
ReplyDeleteWishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
A ShutterBug Explores,
aka (A Creative Harbor)
A raise sounds right! ~Latte
DeleteI think you ned a no parking sign! No make that two. One coming each way!
ReplyDeleteToulouse
Dash Kitten
Haha. We don't want to encourage Latte to cover our house in signs like Bear did!
DeleteYou both work so hard that you must be exhausted!
ReplyDeleteAnd we don't even take 8 hour naps like the humans do!!!
DeleteYou guys always make me smile and giggle. It sounds like it's tough being a cat.
ReplyDeleteWe imagine that it's not much easier to be a poodle!
DeleteWoodrow agrees. Thinking is hard.
ReplyDeleteBeing a cat is hard, too!
DeleteI'm taking notes from this post. Learning new stuff. I can't believe I haven't maxed out my potential in some of these areas. If I wave a can of stinky sardines, will Latte and Ellie follow the scent and come to my house for some paws-on instruction? Pleeeze! Love, Dori
ReplyDeleteWill I get to meet Dolly Meow 2.0? [Or did I get the wrong again ...] ~Ellie Mae
Delete