Here's the history of the exchange:
You'll notice Latte referred to her "adoption agreement." What?
L: Latte [tortie/tabby lady cat aka "Kitten"]
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
The Boy: Momma's fiance, Daddy to Latte and Ellie
L: Have you seen my adoption agreement?
MK: Is this a joke? Like, "Have you seen my adoption agreement because you've violated clauses 8.46, 9.43, and 85.40?"
L: Ha. Ha. You violate way more than three clauses in five minutes.
{Momma rolls her eyes}
L: My adoption agreement is missing!
MK: If by "adoption agreement," you mean the 13,837-page document that you took two years to write and signed my name to ... then no, I haven't seen it.
L: You can't prove you didn't sign it.
MK: How many times have you seen me sign a document "Momma?"
L: Momma isn't your name?
MK: Nope.
L: Momma Kat?
MK: Try again.
L: Err ... nuts. So if I signed the agreement "Katherine Kern" that would count?
MK: No. Because I didn't actually sign it.
L: You should sign it.
MK: I'm not reading 13,837 pages.
L: You don't have to READ everything. Just sign.
MK: Then how do I know what I'm promising to do?
L: You could trust me!
MK: I can trust the cat that asked Daddy to borrow his credit card for an experiment only to find that you purchased $893.16 worth of catnip?
L: He canceled that order before it even shipped!
EM: Don't forget about when Latte told Daddy that I was barfing on his bed, and he ran to see, and she stole his lunch!
L: It's not my fault I'm smart.
EM: Fooling Daddy doesn't make you smart.
L: Fooling Ellie doesn't make you smart either.
EM: HEY!
MK: How about I write an adoption agreement and sign your name to it?
L: Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows cats can't legally sign contracts.
MK: Contracts like the "adoption agreement" you signed my and your names to?
{Silence}
EM: Hahahahahahahaha! She got you there! Hahahahahahahaha! No one sneaks anything by Momma!
L: There's still Daddy. Bless his heart.
EM: Daddy's not stupid ... you're just his favorite, so he believes anything you say.
L: What's your excuse?
EM: That's it! The claws are coming out!
MK: Ellie! We're nice girls in this house.
EM: I'M a nice girl. She's a hussy and ... and ... and ... mean!
L: Well, guess what? According to my adoption agreement, I'm an only cat! You have to go!
EM: Oh, no! I need a home ... and a lap ... and I'll miss Momma!
MK: Ellie, don't worry. You're not going anywhere!
EM: But if you agreed ...
MK: She signed my name to the agreement!
EM: So I have to go?
MK: NO! Because I didn't agree to anything!
EM: But your name is on there ...
L: BYE!
MK: NO! Ellie is staying here.
EM: I should write an adoption agreement.
MK: No! No, you shouldn't!
EM: I'd specify that no daddies are allowed.
MK: When you write the whole thing and sign my name, that's not an agreement.
EM: I don't know. Legal-speak is like Spanish to me.
L: Just so you know, during this conversation, you've violated sixteen clauses of my adoption agreement.
EM: Is Momma going to jail?
MK: It's not an agreement if I don't sign!
L: According to Section 1, Clause 1, "Latte is the boss."
EM: I should be the boss! I'd make a good boss! Unless I have to make lots of decisions. I don't like making lots of decisions because I have to think really hard.
L: Don't worry. No one expects you to think.
EM: PHEW! That's a relief!
MK: Latte, you didn't need the other 13,836 pages if you start with "Latte is the boss."
L: So you'll follow the agreement?
MK: No!
EM: Let's see ... my adoption agreement should allow for lots of scratchers, tuna smoothies, no daddies, lots of purple yarn balls, unlimited supply of Squeeze-ups ... unlimited lap access ... a best friend I don't have to share anything with, and a tank.
MK: You two are ridiculous.
L: Perhaps we are just good negotiators.
MK: You didn't NEGOTIATE anything! You wrote an agreement and signed my name to it!
EM: The tank was Bear's idea! When Latte is mean to me, I can flatten her into a catcake!
MK: Fat doesn't squish down that much.
L: HEY!
EM: Momma calls you a hungry hippo for a reason ...
L: And I call you a dumb@$$ for a reason!
EM: You think you're so smart. Let me see YOUR adoption agreement!
L: You can't read!
MK: Neither can you!
L: I'm not illiterate! Ellie's illiterate!
EM: I don't eat litter!
MK: Oh, my head.
EM: Then how did she write the agreement if she can't read?
MK: There are just scribbles.
EM: Momma, will you read it to me?
MK: It's 13,837 pages worth of scribbles! You can't read scribbles.
L: Speak for yourself. Those aren't scribbles. The agreement is written in a language that only highly intelligent species can read.
MK: Or two-year-old humans. Besides, if I'm too stupid to read your scribbles, then how could I agree to what you wrote?
L: I'm not liking this conversation very much.
EM: 13,837 pages. Is that a lot?
L: NO!
MK: YES!
EM: If it's more than 5 pages, it's long. Is it more than five pages?
MK: LATTE!
L: WHAT?! I didn't SAY anything. I was certainly THINKING it. But I didn't SAY it. It's not my fault that she can't do math either! I'm pretty sure prohibitions against censorship are somewhere in the agreement.
MK: I think we need a sisfur agreement.
L: Eww. No!
MK: That way, there are rules about how you two get along nicely.
EM: I'm always nice! It's HER who's mean!
L: What are you talking about? I'm nice!
EM: Yeah, right.
L: I am! I let you sleep in your penguin, and don't try to steal it.
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EM: ONLY BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FIT INSIDE THE PENGUIN!
L: I could fit if I really wanted to ...
EM: You couldn't fit using a case of shoe horns and slathered in petroleum jelly.
L: Oh, shut up!
EM: YOU shut up!
MK: How about we ALL shut up?!
EM: FINE!
L: Fine. I have to use the ... {GASP} ... MY ADOPTION AGREEMENT!
MK: What?
L: Look in the litter box! My adoption agreement is shredded!
EM: Now, who's stupid and eats litter?
L: Now, who's mean?
EM: You stole my scratcher, and I had to sharpen my claws ... on your clauses.
{Momma laughs}
L: This isn't over.
MK: I think it is ... because you used all my printer paper on your last "agreement." I'm not buying more.
L: You better stock up on toilet paper.
MK: Now, THAT would be an appropriate medium for writing your adoption "agreement."
For those of you who remember Bear, looking at these pictures of Latte sitting next to where I work, staring at me, I'm reminded of Bear doing the same thing. We think Bear would be proud of the tabby/tortie (of course, he would've had kittens with one of his beloved torties ... if he could), who we now refer to as Bear's daughter. Latte doesn't quite have the facial expressions down, but I have no doubt she'll master them soon.
© 2023 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2023. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
Featured posts:
Remember Bear's adoption application that he made Kat fill out?
Bear's adoption application
Aww, you two really should become lawyers. Why, you could talk the back legs off a donkey and befuddle an owl.
ReplyDeleteERin
Are donkey legs or owls tasty? ~Latte
DeleteI enjoyed every word! And I have to say I enjoyed Erin's comment too. She sure nailed it right on the head.
ReplyDeleteKatie Isabella and I should start a union ensuring that us cats are treated properly! ~Latte
DeleteWell, humans do try to get out of things. That's way there's too many lawyers out n' about! Hey, Bear would be proud Latte, you're getting that look down!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could've met Bear. He sounds totally bad-@$$! ~Latte
DeleteLatte REMINDER to always re-negotiate any agreement ANNUALLY. Humans tend to get very slack on service if they are constantly remined.
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
I'm thinking the condition should be to renegotiate any time I feel like it. ~Latte
DeleteAMARULA: Hey Latte can you please forward a copy of that document over my way?? I think i need to create a similar doc for my human!
ReplyDeleteErm ... it will take a while to piece together 13,000 pages + since SOME sisfur shredded it ... but I will send you a copy. ~Latte
DeleteBabies of the family seem to get away with all kinds of Tom Foolery, don't they? 😹
ReplyDeleteWe don't know any black poodles that could apply to ...
DeleteYep ~ review the agreement annualy ~ Get the 'lawyering' out of the way and just love each other ~ Xo
ReplyDeleteWishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
A ShutterBug Explores,
aka (A Creative Harbor)
Wait ... first, Ellie has to STAY and now have I have to LOVE her?!? Isn't that cruel and unusual punishment? Hahaha. Just kidding ... mostly. ~Latte
DeletePersuasive logic, Latte! Or should that be, purrsuasive?!
ReplyDeleteI was born with it. ~Latte
DeleteYou can always renegotiate that agreement Latte - MOL!
ReplyDeleteYou mean, I can always re-write it and sign Momma's name ... ~Latte
DeleteThis agreement all looks good except you should allow daddies. You never know when your momma will have a sick day and you will need the daddy.
ReplyDeleteHe just doesn't do things like Momma, though! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteYou girls are a riot! I can see Bear smiling down from the Rainbow Bridge knowing that a tortie lives in his house now!
ReplyDeleteHahaha. And that the tortie gives Smellie a hard time ...
DeleteHeeheehee! And here I thought my cats were funny.
ReplyDeleteUs cats have a lot to say! ~Latte
DeleteDang, Latte. You certainly do make some purrsuasive arguments. But Ellie Mae's gotta stay, and Daddy, too!
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Maybe Momma needs to go. ~Latte
Deletehay ewe galz…13, 837 pagez iz knot veree manee when ewe think bout
ReplyDeletehow manee loop holez yur mom wood find if her act shoo lee red yur
a gree mintz, sew with that bee in said, raiz ten kindz oh …soundz like swell…
bee cauz ewe CAN a cord ding two pagez ***************…..but then yur mom
willna noe thiz…bee cauz her never reeded de a gree mintz….‼️‼️
Humans just don't get us. Moms are the worst at this! ~Latte
DeleteYour momma should definitely not sign that without a thorough reading. But sounds like it doesn't matter since Ellie Mae took care of it.
ReplyDeleteI try to be helpful. ~Ellie Mae
DeleteIt seems that Latte is channeling Bear, we knew he'd find a way to live on (and continue to torment his sister!) :)
ReplyDeletePoor Smellie ... I mean, Ellie!
DeleteMamma Kat signed a One Page Adoption Agreement - one for Ellie Mae and one for Latte! Plenty of rules on one page! Foster Mom Linda
ReplyDeleteActually, I remember the application for Ellie Mae and it was like 8 pages that I spent hours filling out! I think you waived that for Latte :) But, yes, the agreement was one page. Latte doesn't think that's enough.
DeleteIt doesn't really matter now what was in the agreement. Ellie Mae had the final say and actions on it!
ReplyDeleteThat's right! I'm the boss! ~Ellie Mae
Delete