Momma can't sleep and catches the cats red-pawed! The cats apparently spend all night googling important topics, like "How to grow thumbs." What do you think about their search histories?
L: Latte [tortie/tabby lady cat aka "Kitten"]
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
The Boy: Momma's fiance, Daddy to Latte and Ellie
MK: Umm ... what's going on?
L: Oh. Hai!
MK: What are you doing on my computer?
L: Nothing. What are you doing up? Your alarm doesn't go off for another six hours!
MK: I couldn't sleep. What are you doing?
L: I'm busy!
MK: {seeing the computer screen} What are you searching for?
L: Erm ... nothing?
MK: I don't see 'nothing' listed in your search history. "Where does Mom hide the Squeeze-ups?"
L: I asked that one for a friend.
MK: Ellie?
L: No! I said a FRIEND!
EM: Yeah. That's why you looked up Kitty Porn too!
L: I did not look up Kitty Porn! Momma can see my entire search history!
EM: Oh. Maybe that was Daddy, then.
MK: Daddy looked up Kitty Porn?
EM: Erm ... maybe?
MK: "Why is my sisfur so loud?"
EM: WHAT?!?! I am not LOUD. I just know how to ask for what I want.
L: You mean howl? Or bitch?
EM: I do not BITCH. I demand.
MK: "How much would it cost to send my sisfur to Timbuktu?"
EM: WHAT?! I don't like traveling!
{Pause}
EM: Where is Timbuktu? Is that where Woodrow lives?
MK: No.
EM: Is there tuna there?
MK: I don't know.
EM: Then I don't want to go to Timbuktu.
L: It wasn't optional. But since you're a tattle-tail, I'll tell Mom to check out YOUR search history.
EM: That's not necessary. I was just searching boring stuff.
L: Like yourself?
EM: I'm not BORING. I'm a LADY. There's a difference.
MK: "How to keep your man satisfied?"
EM: Long distance relationships are hard!
L: No. Relationships where you never talk are hard.
EM: Whenever I call Woodrow, Sophie answers the phone and puts me on hold! I think she forgets to tell Woodrow. Or she forgets where she left the phone.
MK: "How to sell your sisfur on eBay?"
L: Ha! No one could afford me.
MK: Is this what you two do all night while Daddy and I sleep?
L: Don't be ridiculous. I have a life.
EM: I have a life!
L: So what do you do all night? Sit on hold, waiting for Woodrow to pick up the phone?
EM: {mumbling}.
L: What was that?
EM: SHUT UP! What do YOU do!?
L: I eat. Sleep. Poop. Patrol the house for intruders. Sleep. Check the corners. Look out the window. Sleep. Snuggle with Momma.
EM: I wish I could snuggle with Momma. But SOME spoiled brat chases me off the bed.
MK: You two have entire user profiles on my computer? You each have your own avatar?
L: Is that a trick question?
EM: What's a va-tar?
L: There's your next search!
EM: Shut up!
MK: What the hell is "Bitey?"
L: Chewy. For cats.
MK: Viva La Tortie?
L: I like to read the articles!
EM: That's what Bear said too! Although, he preferred the Spanish version.
MK: It's a bunch of pictures! There IS no Spanish version!
EM: Then how did Bear read the articles?
MK: He DIDN'T read the articles! You get Viva La Tortie to look at the pictures!
EM: Then why did he always say, "No speako Englaish," when I interrupted him?
MK: That's not Spanish!
L: Ella es una mujer loca.
EM: What did she say?
MK: I have no idea. I don't know Spanish.
EM: Then how to you know, "No speako Englaish," isn't Spanish?
MK: Because Bear made it up! Bear made up EVERYTHING!
EM: I don't know. He sounded smart.
L: You make a dumbbell sound smart.
EM: Let me guess ... the next thing you'll tell me is that he lied, and Daddy doesn't keep his tasty whole chicken farm in his car!
MK: Daddy doesn't have a tasty whole chicken farm!
EM: Well, no. Not HERE. But in his car.
MK: He doesn't have any tasty whole chickens in his car!
EM: So they are non-tasty? Or non-whole?
L: Eww.
MK: There are no chickens, chicken nuggets, chicken fries, or chicken parts in Daddy's car!
EM: Maybe you didn't notice.
L: Wait ... what's this search? "Am I eating enough?" Hahahahahahahahaha.
{Momma chuckles}
EM: What? What's so funny?
L: She ain't heavy ... she's my sisfur.
{Momma laughs}
EM: Are you making fun of me? I'm sick of you making fun of me! You're ALWAYS making fun of me!
L: You don't even get it 96% of the time.
EM: How rude! I get it ... a lot! At least 93% of the time!
L: 93% is less than 96%.
EM: Erm ... well, when Daddy gives me that many treats, I'll learn!
L: From the look of it, he already does!
EM: At least I don't have a catnip problem!
L: It's not a "problem!" I can stop any time I want!
{Pause}
L: You've got all this commentary on OUR searches. What do YOU search? Hmmmmmm?!?!
EM: Yeah, Momma! What do YOU search?
MK: How to own your cats and not let them own you.
L: Hahahaha. Yeah right.
MK: How to outsmart your cats.
EM: Good luck!
MK: How to put your cats on a diet.
L: Ouch.
MK: How to keep your cats off your computer.
EM: You should ground us! Because that clearly worked with Bear! Hahahahahahahahaha.
The Boy: {walking into the room} Hey! Who searched 'Kitty porn' in my phone's browser?
L: BYE!
EM: I KNEW IT!
MK: Wait. Ellie, how do you know what Latte searched on Daddy's phone?
EM: Erm ... No speako Englaish?
MK: You're both grounded!
EM: Now, who's a dumbbell?! At least I learn from my mistakes!
MK: Oh?
EM: Erm ... No speako Englaish?
MK: No speaking Spanish!
EM: But you said it's not Spanish!
MK: Damn. No speaking fake Spanish.
The Boy: Who searched, "Is there an app to keep track of my people" on my phone?
MK: ELLIE!
EM: WHAT?!?! I don't like to be alone!
L: I'm always here!
MK: To be fair, Latte, you did say Ellie wasn't your friend about ten minutes ago.
EM: Yeah! You're not my people! Or {mumbling}.
MK: I know, Ellie. I miss him too.
Kat's sorting through the pictures from the last few months of Bear's life, and we hope to post them throughout June. Bear's been gone for two years, and with the changes to the blog (updating the blog to include Latte), we want to remind everyone that he's why we started blogging and still inspires everything we do.
Here's a preview:
© 2023 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2023. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
Featured posts:
Y'all sure have been busy at night! Hey, maybe that's why the laptop gets put away at night here!
ReplyDeleteHow do you deal with the competition? I mean, cats are meant to be laptops, right? ~Ellie Mae
DeleteBusted! You kitties get up to quite a lot in one night - MOL!
ReplyDeleteWell, we have to entertain ourselves somehow, right? The humans get upset if we wake them ... ~Latte
DeleteJumpin' catfish that is a lot of research!! Good thing there are two of you
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
But my searches were better ... ~Latte
DeleteYou really packed that 1 am hour with lots of curiosity, didn't you, Latte? We're sorry your mom found your search history, though. (P.S. It makes us so happy to still see Bear's adorable, handsome face here.)
ReplyDeleteI always have important cat stuff to do! ~Latte
DeleteWhat?!? Woodrow can't believe Sophie didn't pass him the phone. It must be in her lost purse. Now he has to join the hunt to find it!!!
ReplyDeleteMy Momma said it was probably in Sophie's purse! Maybe her purse was in that Kleenex box she got stuck in? ~Ellie Mae
DeleteWow! ~ You kitties are some busy ~ fun post ~ great captions and awesome kitties ~ Xo
ReplyDeleteWishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
A ShutterBug Explores,
aka (A Creative Harbor)
Thank you for noticing I'm awesome :) ~Latte
DeleteGirls...get along now...and be good girls. Great Horney Toads! That was some serious searching! I guess you'll be ready to write a How-To book here before long? On all the topics?
ReplyDeleteOnly if I'm listed first on the authors! ~Latte
DeleteAfter all those searches you both must know as much as Mr. Google now! Lovely to see Bear again.
ReplyDeleteI have to depend upon Google because I can't trust the answers my sisfur gives me! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteOMC I'm laughing so hard! To clarify things, Mudpie is the friend Latte was helping on the squeezie search. And poor Sophie :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha.
DeleteYou two need to learn how to clear that search history. :)
ReplyDeleteYou can do that?!?! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteGirls, next time try searching In Incognito mode. No one will trace the searched to you. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat magic is this incognito mode?!? ~Latte
DeleteAww, we miss Bear too. Can't believe he's been gone 2 years. How is that even possible? Still...the girls seem to have filled his paws nicely, especially with their Google searches. I had to chuckle more than once while reading through the search list.
ReplyDeleteWe can only imagine what Norman and Elsa would search ("where does Mom hide her glasses?") ~Latte
DeleteHmm, maybe that's why our laptops have been a little slow lately. LOL. Momma Kat, we enjoyed the preview of your Bear Cat photos. We will love that dude forever.
ReplyDeleteAt least Latte searched for 'Kitty Porn' on The Boy's phone and not my computer!
DeleteAMARULA: Hey did you see my spread in Viva La Tortie!!? I would love to know how to grow thumbs too!
ReplyDeleteYep! That was the too hot to handle issue! ~Latte
DeleteThis post was so clever and totally cracked us up. Sorry it has taken us so long to comment. If Mom forgets to go to Chrome before reading, she can't comment, so sometimes we get posts read and then she forgets to come back. XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, angel Mauricio, Misty May, angel Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy, Sawyer, Kizmet, Audrey & Raleigh
ReplyDeleteWe're glad you stopped by! Since Bear passed away, I've really struggled with my voice, but I felt it again with this post.
Delete