Letters to Santa

Latte and Ellie Mae finish their letters to Santa just in time for Christmas!!

Dear Santa,

I am a good girl. I help my Mom do lots of things like make her bed and put the groceries away. My Mom might say I'm not helping, but she lies. She thinks I get in the way, but if I don't keep my eye on her, how can I ensure she does everything correctly? Of course, I have to check the dryer and dishwasher to make sure she got everything out of them, right? That's helpful, right?

It's not like I put my nose in EVERYTHING she does! Well ... hmm ... I guess lying won't get me on the nice list, huh? In my defense, the stuff my Mom does is pretty cool. Especially the stuff she does in that room the humans call the bathroom. It's RIVETING! I'm growing into my job of being the roving kitty reporter about the house. Ellie says I should keep my nose in my own beeswax, but what fun is that? Mark my words: one day, I will find the stick up my sisfur's behind. And you'd better believe I'm going to show it to her.

I always remember to tell my Mom how much I appreciate her too. I leave her tips (sparkle balls) on my food plate and outside her bedroom door. The first thing I do when she gets up is to check her neck for weird bumps. She thinks it tickles when I make biscuits on her neck, but it's a very important job!

My sisfur can't raise a paw to help my Mom at all! She thinks looking pretty is enough. My approach is more paws-on.

Speaking of my [lazy] sisfur, I don't ALWAYS try to eat her food anymore. I mean, sometimes my Momma grabs me and puts me in the back room first. But that still counts as me keeping my paws off her food, right?

I'm also being more patient when my sisfur won't shut up. MROW this and MROW that. I tell her to shut up a few times before I whap her. Fair warning, right?

But I'm lucky to have a sisfur. Without her, I wouldn't know that I need to run from Daddy. I don't know entirely WHY it's so important to run away from Daddy, but Ellie seems completely convinced, so I'll give her one thing to be the expert on.

I'm also decreasing my cord chewing! My Mom was pleased that I only chewed through 6 cords during 2022 (make that seven, I still have a week). See? I'm practically an angel!

Now, Mr. Santa, if you could leave me lots of presents, I'd appreciate it. My Mom is too cheap to buy me presents. She says we have enough toys. Like, WHAT? Enough toys? I don't understand her sometimes. I prefer catnip, sparkle balls, and mice with catnip in them. Did I say catnip? YEP! Thanks!

Love,
Latte

Dear Santa,

Despite what you might've heard, my sisfur is a pain in the ass. She shouldn't be on your good list! Unless you're a politician and you can spin the situation to make lies sound like the truth. Or you're a lawyer. But Bear's lawyer won't speak to Latte. In fact, no lawyer will speak to Latte. Just between you and me, she will never win the lawsuit alleging Momma infringes on her freedom of speech.

But I don't get how her speech is being impinged. You should hear her talk! She never shuts up!

She likes to scare the poop out of me by attacking me as I walk down the hallway. While it's nice to not be constipated, sometimes I wish she were a little less exuberant about the process.

Sometimes I indeed call Latte Fatte. But it's not mean if it's the truth, right? I mean, it's not like when she tells me I have a stick up my butt, and I check, and there's nothing there, right?

She likes to steal my food. Then she throws her extra weight around to steal my sleeping spots. Someone should teach Latte some manners. I'm a proper princess, and she's ... NOT.

Oh, and while you're putting people and cats on the naughty list, my Momma has taken to calling my sisfur and me hungry, hungry hippos. My sisfur is certainly a hippo, but I am not!

Oh, and my Daddy isn't giving me as many treats as he used to. He should be in trouble too.

All that said, I love that my people love me. I dance and prance for them, and they tell me how pretty I am. Seeing my Momma smile is worth everything else. Daddy gets jealous when I act like I'm stuck to Momma with velcro, but I know it makes my Momma happy to have me so close to her heart.

As for what I want for Christmas, maybe an off-switch for my sisfur? She's a bit ... intense. Chill pills would be okay too. That's all. I'm happy.

Your friend,

Ellie Mae

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, and Happy Holidays, friends!

All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2022. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.

Featured posts:

To read more about how Latte's job is never done ... A kitten's job is never done.
To read about why Latte thinks Momma impinges on her freedom of speech ... Dear Latte ... [part 2].