Dear Latte ...

Latte decides she wants to write an advice column. However, the letters she answers aren't quite up to her expectations. She thinks her letter screener leaves a lot to be desired. We're not entirely sure her "advice" is up to snuff either. Good help (and advice) is hard to find!

Dear Latte,

A little over a year ago, I adopted a sweet, tiny, four-pound kitten. I can't find her anywhere! In her place, there's a moody teenager with lots of tortitude. She seems to think her Mom knows nothing. HELP! How do I find that cute kitten?

Thanks,

Kitten-lover

Dear ~~Stupid person~~ Momma,

Very funny. HI-larious. Please don't write in again.

~ Latte

Dear Latte,

Both my cats prefer their Mom! One of the cats used to love to lay on my lap, and now she only does that when she wants treats. The other cat lets me touch her, but her Mom is still her favorite person. What do I need to do to get my girls to love me?

~ Lonely Daddy

Dear Daddy,

Grow boobs. You're welcome.

~ Latte

Dear Latte,

My sisfur is a pain-in-the-@$$. She regularly sits on me when she wants my sleeping spot. She also licks me inappropriately. She even makes eyes at my boyfriend. She's super bossy and always tells me what to do even though I'm a lot older than her! I'm starting to think she thinks I'm a pushover. How do I get her to leave me alone?

~ Begrieved sisfur

Dear Begrieved sisfur,

Stop thinking; it doesn't suit you. You ARE a pushover. Stop being a dumb$#!+. And you DO "wick woudwy!"

~ Latte

Dear Latte,

When I carry in my groceries, my cat stares at me through the screen door and doesn't bother to open the screen door for me! How do I get her to help?

~ Needing Help Momma.

Dear Lazy Bones,

Two words: opposable thumbs. If we had them, we'd be happy to open the door for you. Though then, we also wouldn't need you to open cans of food for us, and we'd likely own you.

~Latte

Who screens these letters? Well, @*#(@. This feature will be paused until I can find some good letter screeners and someone besides my own people (and sisfur) write in.

And, MOMMA?!? YES! YES! You DO need help!

All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2022. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.

Featured posts:

Latte explains Ellie's tendency to "wick woudwy" in News with Latte.

36 comments

Erin the Cat PrincessNovember 15, 2022 at 8:40 AM
Wow, your own gossip and agony aunt column! Rumour has it those people get loads of dosh for writing replies. Maybe you could start your own social media platform? Twitter is taken already, but if you offer Elon a few $5 I'm sure he'd be keen to let you take it off his hands! 🙂
Eastside CatsNovember 15, 2022 at 9:06 AM
"Grow boobs"....Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!
carol l mckennaNovember 15, 2022 at 9:40 AM
Too funny ~ LOL ~ fun! Xo

Wishing you good health, laughter and love in your days,
A ShutterBug Explores,
aka (A Creative Harbor)
My Mind's EyeNovember 15, 2022 at 10:36 AM
Latte mol mol mol when Angel Madi would tuck her front paws to her chest we said she had boobies.
Hugs Cecilia PS your name gives me warm and fuzzies every time I see it.
Catscue Cat MomNovember 15, 2022 at 10:55 AM
Lots of no-nonsense advice there Latte - MOL!
Brian's Home BlogNovember 15, 2022 at 5:40 PM
Latte sweetie, you are a natural at this and we look forward to more of your advice in the future!
Melissa, Mudpie and Angel Truffles (Mochas, Mysteries and Meows)November 15, 2022 at 5:54 PM
You totally have a future in this, Latte!
pilch92November 15, 2022 at 8:20 PM
Very interesting answers. Short and to the point. :)
Kitties BlueNovember 15, 2022 at 8:57 PM
Would you like us to write you a letter Latte? How about: How are you so fortunate to only have one sisfur? We think you might make a good advice columnist, and we wish you luck in your new career. XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, angel Mauricio, Misty May, angel Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy, Sawyer, Kizmet, Audrey & Raleigh
meowmeowmansNovember 15, 2022 at 9:50 PM
Wow! You are definitely a no-nonsense, tell-it-like-it-is cat, Latte!
Memories of Eric and FlynnNovember 17, 2022 at 6:37 AM
You certainly had the answers, even though they probably weren't the answers the letter writers were hoping for! Your answer to Kitties Blue made me laugh more than it should have!!
Three Chatty CatsNovember 18, 2022 at 12:53 PM
These are hilarious! (Is Latte making eyes at Woodrow?!? )
https://hairballsandhissyfits.comNovember 19, 2022 at 2:15 PM

AMARULA: Sorry Latte but i do have to take issue with your response to Lazy Bones where you actually write that you'd be "happy to open the door for you" Firstly Torties are never happy and secondly, certainly less so if it involves being helpful to a human!!
ToffeeNovember 21, 2022 at 5:05 AM
Oh, Latte, you are the BEST advice lady I have ever read! The old woman and I are sitting laughing out loud at some of your advice!
da tabbies o trout towneNovember 21, 2022 at 7:55 AM
DE BAD VIZITORZ CATZ, OTHER WIZE KNOWN AZ UZ TROUTERZ HAZ HIRED COPEE N PASTE TA STOP BYE N SAY HI, WE HOPE THEY DEE LIVERED THIZ MESSAGE EVEN IF ITZ KNOT POST REE LATED ❤️❤️
Athena Cat Goddess Wise KittyNovember 21, 2022 at 12:55 PM
That was a fun read!
Marvelous MarvNovember 24, 2022 at 1:13 PM
We are late! We have been rather sporatic in commenting! We have had problems with our Browser and we can't tablet to let us comment at all! But we are here to wish you a delicious Thanksgiving Day surrounded by the ones you love and the ones you cherish. May you have a marvelously happy day! Purrs Marv, Jo Jo, Kozmo, Cinnamon and Barb 🦃🥧
AnonymousOctober 2, 2023 at 7:14 AM
{Snicker, snort} You remind us of the joys as pets grow from kittenhood to the teen years. It sometimes takes a strong constitution for 'pawrents' to survive it. 😸