Dear Latte ... [part 2]

She's BAAAAAAACK! Latte answers more of your pressing, nosy, or otherwise essential questions. This time, she employs Ellie Mae as her letter screener as Momma let letters from a bunch of crazies (her humans) through to Latte's all-important letter-answering desk. Will this time be Latte's defining moment in ~~furthering her agenda~~ advice-giving? We think Ellie Mae and Kat might have a few things to say about that.

Dear Latte,

My parents like to play kissy-face. I don't like to be left out of whatever they are doing. What can I do to get them to include me?

~On my own

Dear On my own,

Have you ever watched them? This tends to make humans nervous, and they lose interest in kissy-face-type activities. If simply watching isn't sufficient, jump on one of their backs and peer over the person's shoulder. Kissy-face over.

Latte

Dear Latte,

My humans constantly complain about my fishy breath. I'm worried they'll stop feeding me fish!

~ Fish-lover

Dear Fish-lover,

Stop breathing on your humans. Only lick them in places far enough away from their noses that they can't smell your breath. It's actually fairly entertaining to watch your fursib nip at the human where you licked them with your fishy breath. But my sisfur is an idiot, so results may vary.

I've noticed that humans are especially disgusted when the barf they step in is fishy-based. No matter how many times my Mom washes her foot, she walks around with her nose screwed up for the rest of the day. Enough about entertainment ... our humans can't help it that they don't have our mental capacity.

Just be careful! My Mom is on a toothbrush kick. If that's not hell, I don't know what is. Let's just say a human shouldn't put a hand in a cat's mouth unless we put it there.

~ Latte

Dear Latte,

Have you heard the humans deride that goofy, doofy kid who always licked the spout of the water fountain in school? Well, my sisfur LICKS the spout of our water fountain. It makes me so mad I only use the other water bowl.

~ Grossed out

Dear Grossed out,

No one likes a tattletale. Get a life.

~ Latte

Dear Latte,

How are you so fortunate to only have one sisfur? We think you might make a good advice columnist, and we wish you luck in your new career.

XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, angel Mauricio, Misty May, angel Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy, Sawyer, Kizmet, Audrey & Raleigh

Dear Kitties Blue,

I flushed the rest down the toilet.

~ Latte

Dear Kitties Blue,

No cats were flushed in our house at any time. We apologize for the bad advice (please don't sue us). We assure you that Latte is grounded.

~ Kat

Dear Blog Readers,

In my defense, I didn't get paid for screening letters for Latte. I was promised time on my favorite scratcher, and MY SISFUR didn't live up to the deal. Thus, I slid in the letter about Latte licking the fountain. Payback is a ditch. BITE ME, Latte!

ps - HIIIIII, Woodrow!

pps - I didn't mean that LITERALLY, Latte!

~ Ellie Mae

Latte will be back at work as soon as she's no longer grounded (or she wins her lawsuit alleging Kat infringes on her freedom of speech).

All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2022. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.

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If you missed the first installment of Dear Latte ..., you may find it here: Dear Latte ...