Ellie takes trash-talking to a whole new level! Err ... kind of. She's about to kill her red ball, and she wants everyone to know about it! For Ellie, the process of the kill takes longer than the kill. And she doesn't let a step of her process go unnoticed by her people. Ellie Mae is undoubtedly a killer talker. But is she all talk?
EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy lady cat]
L: Latte [tortie/tabby girl kitten]
MK: Momma Kat [Latte and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
EM: Red ball ... prepare to die.
{Pause}
EM: I mean it this time! The other 4,693,291.47 times were only practice!
{Pause}
EM: Are you scared?
EM: I feel your fear.
L: Maybe you just have gas.
EM: Do you mind?
{Pause}
EM: You should be scared, red ball! I will funk you up twenty ways to ... to ... erm ...
{Pause}
EM: MOMMA?! What's a week from today?
MK: Today is Tuesday.
EM: I know that! But what is a week from today?
MK: Tuesday.
EM: Are you sure?
MK: Tuesday.
EM: That's a coincidence! Today is Tuesday, and a week from now is Tuesday!
{Pause}
EM: You thought that the last time I got you stuck under the couch was bad! That's nothing compared to the pain you'll feel this time!
{Pause}
EM: Your @$$ is ... is ...
{Pause}
EM: GAS!
L: {muttering to herself} Talking about yourself ...
EM: That's right! You're going where the sun don't shine!
{Pause}
EM: Under the couch!
L: Scary.
EM: It's dark under there!
L: It'd be scarier if you said 7 feet under.
EM: I can't get 7 feet under the couch!
{Pause}
EM: Don't get too comfortable, red ball. My sisfur can distract me, but you're MINE!
MK: Ellie! Just kill it already!
EM: Don't tell me what to do! When I'm ready to kill the ball, I'll kill the ball! I take my time because I really mean it! I can't be rushed!
MK: {sigh}.
EM: You know what trash talk is good for? TRASH! Like you!
{Pause}
EM: No one seeing your PR will do you any good!
L: That's not what CPR means!
EM: No one will call ... erm ...
{Pause}
EM: MOMMA? What's the number for emergencies?
MK: {sigh} 911.
EM: Yes, but what's the number?
MK: 9-1-1.
EM: Are you sure?
MK: YES!
EM: Red ball, your Momma is so ugly she ... she ... umm ... Momma?
MK: Looks like your brother.
EM: Looks like your brother! Wait! Does the red yarn ball have a brother? Would it be made of red yarn too? Or was he adopted?
L: Deep thoughts by Ellie Mae be too stupid.
EM: I mean it this time! This will be the END of you, red ball!
L: You said that yesterday.
EM: Do you MIND? I'm in the MIDDLE of something right now! I don't need you heckling me and distracting me! I mean business!
L: Have it your way. But you don't scare me.
EM: The red ball is scared enough for both of you! LOOK! It's quaking in its ... its ... hmmm.
L: You know, a good killer uses the element of surprise. You're giving the ball a good half an hour's notice that it will die.
EM: I believe in being fair.
L: But not truth in advertising.
EM: WHAT?!?!
L: {monotone} You're a ferocious hunter.
EM: Killer.
L: Sure.
EM: AHA! Everyone recognizes my fury and ... and ... furocity?
{Pause}
EM: Well, whatever.
{Pause}
EM: Pay attention and learn something, kitten.
L: How to throw my weight around?
EM: EXCUSE ME?
L: There's a reason Mom calls you Ellie Belly.
EM: And there's a reason she calls you a $#!++en!
L: Whatever. Have your way with the ball. Just SHUT UP!
EM: Enough distractions! Red ball, you are MINE! Prepare to die!
{Pause}
EM: I'm going to count to ten! 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... {mumble ... mumble ...} err ... 10!
L: She can't even count to ten! Hahahahahahaha.
EM: Shut up, or you'll be next! Red ball, are you ready to rumble?
MK: OH! Ellie! Look! Your purple yarn ball!
EM: HUH?
MK: Your purple yarn ball!
EM: Prepare to die. Tomorrow. Momma?
MK: Wednesday.
EM: Thanks, Momma.
{Pause}
EM: PREPARE TO DIE. WEDNESDAY.
{Ellie stalks the purple yarn ball}
L: Real scary there, Ellie.
EM: SHUT UP! I'm sizing the purple yarn ball up!
L: Here we go again. Go ahead and talk it to death.
EM: It's just me and you, purple yarn ball.
L: Ooh. Scary. It can see you!
EM: Shut up! I'm in the middle of telling the purple yarn ball it will die!
L: Oddly enough, I kind of envy the yarn ball. It doesn't have any ears.
EM: It doesn't? You mean it can't hear me?
{Pause}
EM: Well, just in case ...
{Pause}
EM: Purple yarn ball ... prepare to die!
© 2022 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Written and Published by Katherine Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2022. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
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Ellie is quite a talker. For some past examples, see ...
You don't need to attack those yarn balls, Ellie Mae. You can talk them to death....if they had ears.
ReplyDeleteYou hit the nail on the head! She never shuts up! ~Latte
DeleteIf I just got up maybe 15 minutes ago, and you have me laughing out loud Ellie Mae, you are something else! Come over and spend the week with me and mom. She has the TREATS! I loved every word. And Latte...go sit in the corner~
ReplyDeleteI'm a kitten! I don't follow directions! ~Latte
DeleteLatte is just jealous because she's not a dangerous assassin like you, Ellie Mae.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I thought. Jealousy is a *itch! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteEllie ~ you are so sweet yet bold with your little red ball ~ Latte is watching ~ having fun ~ Xo
ReplyDeleteWishing you good health, laughter and love in your day ~
A ShutterBug Explores,
aka (A Creative Harbor)
I could kill the ball just by looking at it! ~Latte
DeleteEllie Mae a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
You totally get it! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteWell, we have heard of someone talking another someone to death, and Ellie Mae does seem to have a good game going there, but it’s obvious those balls have her number, and it is Ellie Mae = 0 and balls = ♾️
ReplyDeleteXOCK, angel Lily Olivia, angel Mauricio, Misty May, angel Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy, Sawyer, Kizmet, Audrey & Raleigh
Hahahahaha. So true! ~Latte
DeleteAttack those balls, Ellie Mae!
ReplyDeleteJust to clarify, you mean the yarn ones right? ~Ellie Mae
DeleteNoelle is the "killer" here.
ReplyDeleteDoes she have a favorite thing to kill? Ellie is very picky. She's only interested in killing those two balls!
Delete* Falls of chair in fits of giggles * Honestly that ball must be quaking in its erm.....
ReplyDeleteMarjorie and Toulouse
It did run and hide under the couch ... ~Ellie Mae
DeleteHee, hee...great conversation, Ellie. With Latte piping in, you two are a dynamic duo on the killer front.
ReplyDeleteEllie's more likely to put prey to sleep than kill it! ~Latte
DeleteDang Ellie, you didn't even give that red ball a chance, nope, it was a goner from the start!
ReplyDeleteWell, tomorrow anyway! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteYou are one tough talker, Ellie!
ReplyDeleteAnd the humans just LAUGH at me! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteWe know you can and will kill the red AND the purple balls, Ellie Mae. Sometimes these things take time, and talking. Amiright?
ReplyDeleteSEE?!? You understand! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteI feel very bad for the red and purple balls. I bet they would rather be batted around than talked trash too. :)
ReplyDeleteYou have a point! ~Latte
DeleteIt's greeat to see you're being so . . . . balanced in your approach to colours. But what a cat really needs is a real live mouse, brown or white. Then we'll see how is brave. Of course if Latte has been sizing up the kitchen utensils, maybe she has plans for bigger game?!
ReplyDeleteERin
Mouse? Like a live one? That might chase me and stuff? I dunno.~Ellie
DeleteEllie Mae, Woodrow says he totally sensed that red ball's fear. And he doesn't believe your momma that it would've been Tuesday one week later. That just makes no sense. (Sounds about right for Woodrow.)
ReplyDeleteThey are too sweet and naive for their own good!
DeleteMOL You go Ellie. We like to talk too. Let me tell ya', Zebby can't attack anything without yelling. Latte, you should be nice to your sisfur. You could learn a lot from each other. Girls rule! Big hugs fur all.
ReplyDeleteLuvs ya'
RaenaBelle and Zebby
I'm not sure what I could learn from Yellie, but I'll take your word for it! ~Latte
DeleteAMARULA: Hey Latte your sister's hunting approach is a lot like Frodo's! I say we get them together in a room filled with balls. I bet they are distracted for at least a month! Imagine the peace and quiet!
ReplyDeleteWe'd need ear plugs. But seriously, do they think you caught all those birds because you announced your intentions? ~Latte
DeleteMy momma sez I'm a very chatty catty too when I am playing with my Dolly Meow. She's old and stinky, but I love her so much. And when I carry her around the house, I cry and squeal and jump all over the room. Opie does that too with his rainbow ball. It's also old and stinky, but he loves it and cries with delight... every...damn...night.
ReplyDeleteNothing like a cat and his/her favorite toy. Bear used to have a "string" (made of thick fabric) that he carried everywhere. It was pretty adorable.
DeleteHappy Halloween guys, we hope it's EPIC!
ReplyDeleteMy sisfur's mask is ugly! {WHAT?} Oops. That's her real face. ~Latte
Delete