Cue the kitty trauma drama ... Momma Kat's out of town and Ellie has an emergency! Yes, The Boy is home - but let's just say he's NOT the Momma. Can The Boy win?!?
EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy cat]
MK: Momma Kat [Bear and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
The Boy: Momma's fiance
{The Boy watches as Ellie Mae walks back and forth down the hall as if looking for something}
{Ellie walks up the hall and then stops}
EM: Hmm.
{Ellie looks under the couch}
EM: Hmm.
{Ellie walks back down the hall and looks in the bathroom}
EM: Hmm.
{Ellie disappears into the back bedroom}
EM: Hmm.
{Ellie walks back up the hall and goes into the kitchen}
EM: Hmm.
{Ellie walks back toward the couch and looks around}
EM: Hmmm.
The Boy: What's wrong, Ellie?
EM: Erm ... nothing?
The Boy: What are you looking for?
EM: Nothing.
The Boy: Okay.
{The Boy watches Ellie Mae repeat the above scenario - as she walks back and forth down the hall as if looking for something}
The Boy: What's wrong, Ellie?
EM: Erm ... nothing.
The Boy: What are you looking for?
EM: Where's Momma?
The Boy: She's gone.
EM: Gone? GONE WHERE?!?! I looked everywhere! Momma's not under the bed, she's not in the closet, she's not in the pantry, she's not under the couch and she's not in the bathroom.
The Boy: She's out-of-town, remember?
EM: Oh, so she'll be back in a few hours?
The Boy: NO. She left less than five minutes ago.
EM: I know. I watched her leave.
The Boy: Wait a minute ... how is it that whenever I leave for any length of time you don't notice - but you notice the second Momma walks out the door?
EM: Is that a trick question?
The Boy: It's like you don't even care if I'm gone!
EM: Erm ... kinda.
The Boy: WHAT?!?!
EM: Sorry. The truth hurts.
The Boy: Great.
EM: I can't believe Momma left me here ALONE!
The Boy: You aren't alone! I'm here!
{Ellie and The Boy stare at each other}
EM: {sigh}.
The Boy: Is there something I can help you with?
EM: You can tell Momma to hurry home!
The Boy: Ellie, she's on a trip!
EM: But I need her!
The Boy: Maybe I can help?
EM: Are you texting with Momma?
The Boy: Yes, why?
EM: TELL HER TO COME HOME BECAUSE I NEED HER!
The Boy: Momma made sure your food bowls are full - your water is fresh - and you got your wet food treat!
EM: I know!
The Boy: And I scooped your litter box an hour ago.
EM: So?
The Boy: So what do you need so urgently?
EM: Never mind.
The Boy: Ellie, this is ridiculous. I'm just as good as your Momma. What do you need?
EM: I NEED YOU TO TO TEXT MOMMA AND TELL HER I NEED HER!
The Boy: What should I tell her you need?
EM: I'm not stupid. That might've worked on Bear, but I'm only going to tell Momma what I need myself.
The Boy: Oookay.
{Ellie walks off and comes back five minutes later}
EM: Is Momma back yet?
The Boy: NO!
EM: Will she be back soon?
The Boy: She'll be back in a few days.
EM: WHAT?!?!?! I won't last that long! I won't make it! What am I going to do for two days?!?
The Boy: You could get whatever you need from me.
EM: No, thanks.
The Boy: THIS IS RIDICULOUS! IF YOU'RE SO DESPERATE FOR SOMETHING IN PARTICULAR, I CAN GIVE IT TO YOU TOO!
EM: No, you can't.
{The Boy's phone pings}
EM: OH! Is Momma home!?!
The Boy: NO! She just texted me asking what's wrong.
EM: TELL HER I NEED A LAP! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!
The Boy: I have a lap right here!
EM: No, thanks.
The Boy: My lap is just as good as Momma's lap! What's the difference?
EM: You're not Momma.
The Boy: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! MOMMA CLIPS YOUR CLAWS AND BRUSHES YOUR TEETH AND SHE'S STILL YOUR FAVORITE?
EM: She's my Momma!
The Boy: And I'm your Daddy!
EM: I don't prefer to use labels. But since you asked ... Daddys aren't Mommas. Bear said so.
The Boy: Bear didn't like me.
EM: He didn't call you Daddy. Of course, Less-than-Daddys aren't even close to Mommas.
The Boy: Where do "Not-the-Mommas" fit in?
EM: {sigh} I can't believe I have to explain this to you! Don't you know ANYTHING?
The Boy: Sheesh.
EM: In order of increasing greatness: Not-the-Mommas, Less-than-Daddys, Daddys, Mommas.
The Boy: Wait ... what am I?
EM: A Not-the-Momma. OBVIOUSLY.
The Boy: {screeching} WHAT?!? I'm not even a Less-than-Daddy?
EM: I said I don't like using labels.
The Boy: But if you DID use labels, I'd be less than a Less-than-Daddy?
EM: Yes. All this explaining made me hungry - I need to grab a snack.
The Boy: If I give you treats, would I get promoted to a Less-than-Daddy?
EM: It would require A LOT of treats of the tuna variety.
The Boy: Let me see what I can find.
{Pause}
The Boy: Hmm. I only see one bag of treats. I'm going to text Momma.
EM: The fact that you don't even know where my stash of treats is proves you are a Not-the-Momma.
{Pause as The Boy texts Momma to find out where the stash of treats is}
The Boy: Uh oh.
EM: Are you in trouble?
The Boy: No. I'm my own man! I do what I want. I can't get in trouble with your Momma like a kid!
EM: That bad?
The Boy: Momma said I'm not allowed to bribe you with treats. She said you're fat enough already.
EM: That is true. Because you always give me treats even when she tells you not to. If you didn't give me treats, I'd still be able to fit under the bed.
The Boy: Wait, what?! That's not my fault! You eat the treats!
EM: Everything is your fault. Bear said.
The Boy: Does Momma know that I'm a Not-the-Momma?
EM: I dunno.
{The Boy texts Momma asking if she knows about his role of being a Not-the-Momma}
EM: What'd she say?
The Boy: HOW DID EVERYONE KNOW BUT ME?!?
EM: It's not your fault. You do the best you can.
The Boy: {screeching} WHAT?!?!?
EM: Is Momma home yet?
The Boy: NOOOOOOO!
EM: When will Momma be home?
The Boy: I DON'T KNOW!
EM: Tell me when she gets home.
The Boy: You don't want to sit on my lap?
EM: {walking away} No. I have cat stuff to do.
The Boy: {mumbling to himself} A Not-the-Momma. Not even a Less-than-Daddy! I don't brush her teeth or anything and I'M the bad guy! It's MY fault she doesn't fit under the bed! I can't win!
{From somewhere in the recesses of his mind, The Boy hears Bear's voice congratulating him for figuring out he can't win}
The Boy: I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SIT IN MY LAP ANYWAY!
© 2021 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2021. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
Featured posts:
- The cats have an unfortunate history of not noticing when The Boy is gone ...
- If you missed Bear naming The Boy "Not-the-Momma" ...
Ellie Mae- you need to let up some on your daddy. That's not nice. Aren't you glad he's there to take care of you while your momma is away? Be a good girl. XXOO
ReplyDeleteWell, he doesn't really take care of me ... Momma made sure I have enough water and food ... but he does scoop the poop and dispense treats [when Momma is too mean to do so!] ... I guess I'll keep him. ~Ellie Mae
DeleteMaybe his lap won't be that bad. At least it's a lap! MOL
ReplyDeleteDon't look a gift lap in the mouth? At least I have my lap bed too! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteWe send tons of purrs and hugs to your Momma and we hope all will be well with her soon, we know it's tough. Ellie, you're a sweetie, take care of your Momma and The Boy too. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteSee, I'm more of a pretty girl. I don't know much about taking care of humans. But I'm good at sitting in Momma's lap - so that counts, right? ~Ellie Mae
DeleteSometimes a girl just needs her mom.
ReplyDeleteYou get it! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteEllie Mae I send my deepest sympathy and understanding to your Momma. Please tell her to take care of herself and she will be in my prayers and thoughts. Take the time she needs. I truly believe Bear will speak to help her cope with his passing and this pain. Tell her to keep her heart, eyes and ears open for the message.
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
She's trying! She's even tried to talk to him! I've never known him to shut up for this long! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteMoms are special. We hope yours comes home soon. In the meantime, maybe give his lap a chance?
ReplyDeleteI guess I could try ... but only for a few seconds. [stays there for an hour] ~Ellie Mae
DeleteAww, gee!
ReplyDeleteEllie, you and Sweetie...
Sweetie allows The Hubby to pet her, and play, but she doesn't visit him or meow at him or seek him out.
However, The Hubby has Da Boyz who love on him at every chance, so he's good.
Daddy keeps saying he wants his own cat. He claims I was his cat at first ... but I have no idea what he's talking about. ~Ellie Mae
DeleteOh Ellie, we feel fur ya'. Since we only have a mommy tho', we can't say that the boy's lap wouldn't be an okay substitute. Maybe you oughtta give it a try. Hope your mommy gets home soon. Big hugs
ReplyDeleteLuvs ya'
RaenaBelle and Zebby
PeeEss: awnty Kat, mommy says she totally understands and is here ifin you'd like to talk or cry or scream or whatever. We luvs you very much.
Momma says thank you! She's home now. I tried The Boy's lap and it was okay ... but I still prefer Momma. ~Ellie Mae
DeleteNeeding the momma's lap is definitely an emergency!! Ellie, give your mom some hugs from us.
ReplyDeleteYou totally get it! ~Ellie Mae
Deleteps - Hi, WOODROW!!!!!!
Can't remember the name of the show that had the baby dinosaur on it, but all that kept going through my head was "NOT THE MAMA!!" They can try all they want but Dads are NOT the Mama. Take as much time as you need. I went through the same (and still am), my blog isn't the same without Cody, so I totally get it.....I blog when the mood hits...I took MONTHS off before even attempting to come back......I'll never be back 100% there will always be something missing. Practicing self-care is much more important than blogging....be kind to yourself and give yourself time.
ReplyDeleteTHE DINOSAURS!!!!!!! That's where we got the idea. Because as you said, Dad is just not the Momma. Though Bear used it on Momma a time or two when he got REALLY mad at her! ~Ellie Mae
Deleteps - Thank you. I'm trying to find my way - but I'm really struggling. Having such wonderful friends really helps.
AMARULA: "Everything is your fault. Bear said" Oh Bear--you did teach your sister well! And even I must admit that your sister is actually holding her own with the blog (though we still miss you!)
ReplyDeleteBear was super smart ... except for when he was mean to me! I mean, I get Amarula being mean to Frodo ... but I'm not that annoying. Erm ... Am I?!? ~Ellie Mae
DeleteEllie, your Mama misses you too but she willbe home as soon as she can. The Boy does have a warm lap, just in case the AC gets too chilly.
ReplyDeleteShe's home now! It took like forever! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteTry the lap, Ellie. Any lap has to be better than no lap.
ReplyDeleteSending lots of love and understanding to your mom.
"Any lap has to be better than no lap." Bear never said that, I'm sure! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteEllie, I understand how you feel. I much prefer the mom over the dad though sometimes he’s not so bad. I hope your momma hurries home. ~Ernie
ReplyDelete"He's not so bad." That really sums it up! Hahaha. ~Ellie Mae
DeletePoor Ellie, but at least you are not all alone. The Boy will keep you fed and scooped. XO
ReplyDeleteIt'd be worse if he wasn't here! You're right! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteEllie Mae, you know you love your Daddy. Sending purrs and love to your sweet Momma.
ReplyDeleteI don't like to use labels ... ~Ellie Mae
DeleteYou miss your Mum, be patient, she won't be too long I am guessing!
ReplyDeleteShe's home now! But I haven't gotten extra snuggles! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteGlad to hear your momma is home now. I'm guessing you are as much of a bright spot for her and she is for you. Hugs and tail swishes.
ReplyDeleteI like to show off for her! She always smiles :) ~Ellie Mae
DeleteJust TRY Daddy's lap, okay, Ellie? We know it's not the Momma's, but it will do in a pinch. We promise!
ReplyDeleteWe are sending love, purrs, and support for Momma Kat. We truly are.
Erm ... who gets the pinch? Me or Daddy? Because there are no pinches when I'm in Momma's lap. Just saying. ~Ellie Mae
DeleteMothers are special. Wishing you a speedy return home. Could you take a look at his lap in the meantime?
ReplyDeleteI guess ... it wouldn't KILL me, would it? ~Ellie Mae
Deleteellie....take add vantage oh yur mom bee in a way... cauz dad doez KNOT noe if mom ...troo lee made roolz...
ReplyDeleteIE:
ellie can shop on line, ellie can eat all de treetz her wantz....etc etc etc etc
ellie can tell dad anything...and get a way
with it bee cauz if dad uzez de excuze..."thatz knot what EYE waz told "
ewe come bak with...but EYE haz de "sekrit plan" and then stare at dad ... guarantee him WILL
look way furst ;)
pleez ta tell yur mom....
de gurl heer total lee understands ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Hahahaha. Now that's a pure Bear move! Ellie is ALMOST too sweet to take advantage ...
DeleteMaybe you should give his lap a try, it's better than no lap, right ? We send tons of love, purrs and hugs to your mom. Purrs
ReplyDelete"A lap is better than no lap." Bear never said that, I'm sure! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteOh no! At my house when Momma is gone longer than a trip to the nom store, and she leave Not the Momma in charge, I count the minutes until she returns. Not the Momma aka Daddy puts a different spin on everything, like ... scattering kibble on the floor for lunch. What the Fwiskies?!? Are we some kind of annimules? I want my lunch in my special bowl with the kitty face on it. Anyway, Ellie... tight hugs. Love, Dori
ReplyDeleteI KNOW! You get it! Hmph. To have to eat off the dirty floor! You never know what cat wiped their butts there! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteEllie Mae, we get it. our Human was off her game for quite a while when Tucker and Jasmine crossed the Bridge. She is still dealing with the fact that we are no longer the Tribe of Five. Go easy on her Ellie, her heart hurts and only time will take care of that...and cut The Boy some slack!
ReplyDeletePurrs & Head Bonks,
Albrto, Oliver & Lily
Slack?! Ermm ... what's that? ~Ellie Mae
Deleteps - asking for a friend
Only moms can do all the things just right.
ReplyDeleteThis is true!!! ~Ellie Mae
Delete