Our focus recently has been Bear. And while he's the ruler of our household, His Royal Beariness, we thought Ellie deserved some attention. Ellie's always been a talker - telling us about every minute of her day (sometimes more than once). Recently, she had a bad day and she wanted to tell her Daddy all about it! We think her bad day constitutes first-world cat problems - what do you think?
BC: Bear Cat Kat [handsome tabby cat]
EM: Ellie Mae Kat [black, gorgeously floofy cat]
MK: Momma Kat [Bear and Ellie's human Momma, named Kat]
The Boy: Momma's fiance
The Boy: Thank goodness work is over! I'm looking forward to some peace and quiet!
EM: You had a bad day?
{Behind her, Momma signals to The Boy NOT to answer Ellie}
The Boy: Yeah. It was a hard day!
{Momma sighs}
BC: Oh, GREAT. Here we go ...
The Boy: Here we go what?
EM: You couldn't possibly have had as bad of a day as I did. I wanted to snuggle with Momma this morning but Bear was in the way and I told him to move but he told me to buzz off. So I went to handle my micey and my sparkle balls. My micey and my sparkle balls were all mouthy and wouldn't shut up! Just when I got them to shut up, they started making fun of me! So I had to teach each one a lesson by knocking them under the couch - and then bringing them back out when they promised to shut up. Do you know how many toy micey and sparkle balls we have?!?
The Boy: Uh ...
BC: {mumbling to himself} Neither does she.
EM: We have 157 toy micey and sparkle balls. That's a lot of work! Then at the end, I realized I'd only dug out 155 - so I had extra work finding the other two. I looked all over for hours and finally, I found Bear lying on one. And the other is still lost! I don't know where it could've gone. I mean, I know every inch of space under the couches and that mousie is not there. Maybe it ran away? I don't know - but we're down to 156 micey and sparkle balls, so it might be time to invest in a couple more. By this time, Momma and Bear were up but Momma forgot to give me my morning treats! It was horrible! And when she gave afternoon treats, Bear got one more treat than I did! Momma thinks I can't count - but I can! I KNOW she gave me one less treat. I'm watching her.
BC: Smellie can't count.
EM: I can too! That's how I know how many micey and sparkle balls we have.
BC: No. You know how many micey and sparkle balls we have because you ALWAYS ask ME to count them for you. You don't count them.
EM: OH! OH! So then Momma gave Bear a wet food plate and I came running to have some and Momma snatched me up and clipped my claws and brushed me. It was really horrible! She clipped my FRONT and my BACK claws! How am I going to stay on stuff if my back claws aren't long enough to anchor me on the furniture? So anyway, Momma let me go and realized she forgot to brush my teeth - so she shook the treat bag and grabbed me AGAIN to brush my teeth!
BC: I TOLD you not to run into the kitchen. You should know Momma's tricks.
EM: Then after Momma brushed my teeth, she only gave me a few more treats and I was still starving. But I had to use the little girls' room, so I went in the litter box and Bear had laid a really stinky poop! It was gross! I stepped in it too! So I had to clean myself for the sixth time today! Bear's a crapper in more ways than one!
BC: You FINALLY get it! My cat rapping tagline is: I drop more than beats. The implications are clear.
EM: AND stinky! That goes for your actual poop too - not just your rap.
The Boy: Sixth time cleaning yourself?
BC: He never learns.
EM: YEAH! When I couldn't snuggle with Momma, I first consoled myself by licking my gorgeous furs. Then after I got all sweaty keeping the micey and sparkle balls in line, I needed another bath. Then a bath after Momma brushed me. And another after she brushed my teeth. Then I stepped in Bear's poop!
The Boy: That's only five times!
BC: Doofus.
EM: Whatever.
BC: I TOLD you she can't count!
EM: Shut up, OneFang. HA! I can count how many fangs you have! So anyway! So after that, I went to sit in Momma's lap and she was on that weird-looking chair in the room with the waterfall! She wouldn't let me jump on her lap! I pranced all over the place and NO! No lap for Ellie! I even trotted back and forth up and down the hall - showing my floofy tail with all the swagger I have. I shook my money-maker for all it's worth!
BC: Phht. YOU?! Worth ...
MK: BEAR! ZIP IT!
BC: You don't even know what I was going to say!
MK: Yeah. I do.
BC: Oh. Yeah, you probably do.
EM: We're talking about ME here!!! But still!!! After all that!! No lap! Can you believe that? I couldn't believe it so I went to take a nap in the lap bed. But Bear was in the lap bed! My backup lap was also unavailable! I roamed around our house for hours just looking for a warm place to lay!
BC: We have like twenty cat beds - not to mention the human beds and couches. And you walked around for less than ninety seconds.
EM: Is this your story? NO! It's MY story. So I'll tell it however I want! I talk. You listen!
MK: Holy cat crap. She sounds more and more like Bear the longer she lives here!
BC: I resent that! Though she HAS been making more sense lately. As for roaming around the house for hours, it only took ninety seconds because your belly makes you a low-rider and you have to waddle around dragging your belly after you.
MK: {running out of the room} Uh oh.
The Boy: {following Kat} RUN!
EM: WHAT!!!!!!! DID!!!!!!!! YOU!!!! SAY?!?!?! MAKE!!! MY!!!!!! DAY!!!!!!! JERKWAD!!!! SAY THAT AGAIN TO MY FACE, ONEFANG!
MK: {in the bedroom now} Close the door! Close the door!
{The bedroom door slams shut}
The Boy: Whew! That was close!
MK: DAMN! I left my phone out there.
The Boy: Do you hear anything?
{Silence}
MK: No.
The Boy: You don't think she killed him already, do you?
MK: Why don't you go check?
The Boy: I'm not CRAZY! We'll just wait in here for a little while longer.
{Scratching at the bedroom door}
BC: {through the door} {HUFF PHOO!} {HUFF PHOO!} LET {HUFF PHOO} ME {HUFF PHOO} IN {HUFF PHOO} NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {HUFF PHOO}.
The Boy: May I ask who's asking?!
BC: I will {HUFF PHOO} barf AND {HUFF PHOO} poop on {HUFF PHOO} your side {HUFF PHOO} of the bed {HUFF PHOO} for a year {HUFF PHOO} if you don't {HUFF PHOO} let me in {HUFF PHOO} right now.
The Boy: Oh! It's Bear!
BC: Oh! {HUFF PHOO} It's Dumbnuts!
The Boy: If I don't let you in, you'll be dead in less than thirty seconds anyway!
{Momma opens the door long enough for Bear to run in the room}
BC: That {HUFF PHOO} was {HUFF PHOO} close!! {HUFF PHOO}
MK: Maybe SOMECAT shouldn't have opened his big mouth.
BC: I could barely get a word in edge-wise!
MK: And yet, in a few words, you landed yourself in hot water.
EM: WHERE ARE MY PEOPLE?!? BEAR?!?! WHERE DID EVERYONE GO?!?!? HELLO! I NEED MY PEOPLE! HELLO? HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLO?!?!?!?!
The Boy: {whispering} She sounds really sad. I should go out there.
BC: He never learns.
{The Boy opens the door, walks into the hall and closes the door again}
EM: DADDY! Oh, good! Now I can tell you the rest of the story about my bad day!
{The Boy hears Momma and Bear snicker on the other side of the door}
The Boy: Oh ... goody.
EM: So where did I leave off? Hang on. Let me look at my notes.
The Boy: Notes?!
EM: I write down everything that happens in my diary so I can tell you and Momma about my day later.
BC: {through the door} All she does is play, eat, sleep and use the litter box! What's there to keep track of?!?
MK: {through the door} Haven't you been listening?!?! Hahahaha.
The Boy: Why do you have to write it all down?
EM: So I don't forget anything!
The Boy: Where did you leave off? You left off at the events that happened five minutes before I came out from work.
BC: {through the door} Haha. Nice one.
EM: Oh, YEAH! Roaming around for hours trying to find a comfortable place to sleep!
The Boy: Great.
EM: As I was roaming around, a few of my micey mouthed off at me again so I had to teach them a lesson they'll never forget! When I batted one mousie under the couch, I found the missing mousie from before! I was so glad. Then, I saw the lap bed wasn't occupied so I laid down there and fell asleep! It smelled like Bear @$$, but beggars can't be choosers.
BC: {through the door} How crude! It's not @$$ - it's Bear's eau de toilette!
EM: That doesn't make it smell any better!
BC: {through the door} FINE! Then consider it my booty call!
EM: What's a booty call?!?
The Boy: Oh, so you woke up from your nap on the bed that smells like Bear @$$ right before I came out!
EM: NO! I've only shared my bad day so far to 10:00 AM!
{The Boy hears Momma and Bear laugh out loud on the other side of the door}
The Boy: {weakly} But you said you got treats in the "afternoon" ...
EM: I meant it FELT like afternoon! But it wasn't! It was only 8:00 AM! So anyway, when I got up from my nap, I decided to give myself ANOTHER bath because a girl should always look her best. I had to go to the ladies' room again - and thankfully, Momma had scooped out Bear's stinky poop. Then I ...
{The Boy snores}
EM: Daddy?!?! DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Boy: Wha?! WHAT?!?!? What's wrong?!
EM: You fell asleep! You have to listen to the rest of my story!
{The Boy hears Momma and Bear laugh out loud on the other side of the door}
The Boy: Don't you want to tell your Momma and Bear about your day?
{Momma and Bear stop laughing on the other side of the door}
EM: No. I'm mad at them for running away from me and hiding. Anyway. As I was saying ...
MK: {from the other side of the door} It's too bad ... because we both REALLY wanted to hear ...
{Momma and Bear bust out laughing again}
MK: {from the other side of the door} Sorry! Sorry! Thought I could get that out without laughing.
EM: How rude! See?! THIS is the kind of day I'm having! And no one will let me talk without interrupting me!
The Boy: {resigned} Okay. Go ahead.
EM: I'm glad you asked!
The Boy: {mumbling to himself} Technically, I didn't.
EM: Next, I fell off the couch. I blame the mousie - but it's really Momma's fault for clipping my back claws. Anyway, so ...
© 2021 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern], 2015-2021. No content on Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat may be used without the owner's [K. Kern] written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact cats@mommakatandherbearcat.com.
Featured posts:
- While Ellie is always talkative - she howls when she can't find her people! To read examples to both, please check out:
- Ellie Mae's bad day.
- Ellie Mae's bad day, part 2.
- You catch more fleas with honey ...
- Giving Thanks for Momma's Birthday.
- Bear’s Adventures in Catting, part 2.
- If you missed the story of Bear's cat-rapping [crapping] career:
MOL MOL MOL this was a good one!
ReplyDeleteAngel Madi did NOT like closed doors...most often once they were opened she was quite nonchalant about them rarely venturing in. However the one she liked the most was to her Dad's train room. Lots of small pieces and parts in there but she was supervised. That room was over the garage, it had another set of stairs that she absolutely turned into a feline race track. They weren't straight like the stairs in the foyer.
Hugs Cecilia
Bear says a closed door means tasty whole chickens are being held in there! I prefer to sit there quietly and wait for the door to open on it's own. Of course, I've also been closed IN rooms by accident because I don't make a big fuss like Bear. ~Ellie Mae
DeletePoor Ellie, it's awful to be so neglected all of the time!
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY! It's always BEAR this and BEAR that and BEAR gets to snuggle with Momma and BEAR gets first choice of cat beds and BEAR gets more food than me! BEAR BEAR BEAR! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteYou poor baby!!! MOL, I'm sorry sweetie but I'm completely cracking up!
ReplyDeleteMomma and OneFang were cracking up too! What's so funny?! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteEllie, you sure had a full day. Too bad there’s some there that don’t appreciate everything you’ve been through. MOL! ~Ernie
ReplyDeleteBlack Cats United! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteEllie, I love this. I think you handled this like a master! You are THE GIRL! I'm on your side when you need extra claws to slice anyone.
ReplyDeleteOh, I don't use my claws - except to hold myself on and climb furniture. I try to be nice - but sometimes it's hard, you know? ~Ellie Mae
DeletePoor Ellie, your story is sadder than Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day. XO
ReplyDeleteFinally! Someone who understands! ~Ellie Mae
Deleteps - We love the toys you sent!
Poor Ellie! What a terrible day you had, and then to be so misunderstood when you tell about it.
ReplyDeleteI know, right?!? Everyone kept interrupting me or making stupid comments! Do I ever interrupt them?!?! Erm ... huh. Well, that's inconvenient. I guess I do. ~Ellie Mae
Delete{Snort} Ellie you're too funny. 😹
ReplyDeleteThat is NOT what Bear calls it! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteAww... poor Ellie!
ReplyDeleteSending you purrs and hugs x
And tuna?! Purrs, hugs AND tuna?!? ~Ellie Mae
Delete"Is this your story? NO! It's MY story. So I'll tell it however I want! I talk. You listen!"
ReplyDeleteBwahaha. You go, Ellie! XO
That girl's got some balls. I kind of like it ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteHee! Hee! Ellie sounds like Kozmo! THat dude NEVER shuts up and he complains about everything! Mabe it's a black cat thing...Have a marvellously happy day and remember NOT to ask Ellie about hers!
ReplyDeleteI know better! But The Boy keeps falling into that trap! ~Bear Cat
DeleteAww, poor Ellie. That sounds like a really hard day. I'm glad the Boy listened to you since your momma and BC ran away!
ReplyDeleteDoes Woodrow give out hugs? 'Cause I could use one! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteAMARULA: Well I threw up on the keyboard when I saw that Ellie Mae was going to be the focus of this blog post! I mean come on! Bear you are such a martyr for allowing EM to have her say! Hope your humans know how lucky they are! Let me know if you want to run away and we can head to South Africa together
ReplyDeleteYou know, I've NEVER thrown up on my Momma's keyboard! That certainly makes a statement ... keeping that in my portfolio of cat skills! My Momma knows how lucky she is ... The Boy? Eh. ~Bear Cat
DeleteWe're glad you had your Dad to listen to you, Ellie, everyone has to talk to someone about their day!
ReplyDeleteI know some people just like Ellie. One thing you have to quickly learn with the chatty ones like that is "don't ask questions!". :)
Haha. You get Ellie!
DeleteDear Ellie, I think it's wonderpurr that yoo keep a diary of everything yoo do every day, just so yoo don't forget a single thing when yoo tell yoor Meowmy about yoo day. I don't think hoomons understand how social us kitties really are. They think we just lie around taking sun puddle naps. NO! There is so much going on behind the scenes. Yoo are an excellent example. Now, I'm off to buy a diary. Such a good idea.
ReplyDeleteBe careful where you keep your diary! There's nothing worse than a nose-y brofur all up in your business (especially when a lot of the stuff is about him). ~Ellie Mae
DeleteUh oh, it looks like the comment I left back in April for this post didn't go through fur some reason, so pawing penning a new one here now. I bet you bat your sparkle balls in the goal every time, Ellie. I used to play with my sparkle balls, too. It was fun to bat them and watch Mom try to retrieve them for me. Sometimes she'd get her arm stuck while upside down trying to fish them out from under the sofa. Tummy tickles.
ReplyDeleteHaha. Why did you stop playing with your sparkle balls, V? ~Ellie Mae
Delete