A-bear-cat-abra?

July 26, 2019

What happens when one has a show to put on and the audience is less than cooperative? You give them a show they'll NEVER forget (and hope they forgive you before your wet food treat time)!

BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance

BC: Hear ye! Hear ye! Gather round! I have something special for you today.
EM: I'm not falling for that again. Fart somewhere else.
BC: NO! I have a show!
EM: I'm not falling for that one again either. Your "shows" always mean I get hurt!
BC: What's a guy gotta do to get an audience for his magic show?
EM: MAGIC? Oh! Cool! I'll watch!
BC: Welcome to Eight Ball's magic show!
EM: Wait. I thought you said it was YOUR magic show?!
BC: I AM Eight Ball!
EM: But you don't have any balls. Much less EIGHT. Truth in advertising and all. Maybe you could use "Ball-less."
BC: NO! You've heard of a magic eight ball?
EM: No.
BC: It's impossible to explain things to an idiot!
EM: Yeah! You should see when I try to get Daddy to ...
BC: I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU, YOU VILLAGE IDIOT!
EM: Well, that's not very nice. Especially since I'm the only member of our household that was willing to watch your stupid show.
BC: It's not a stupid show! Fine. You don't like Eight Ball. How about A-bear-cat-abra?
EM: I don't know French!
BC: It's not French! It's abracadabra with Bear Cat embedded in it.
EM: It's all Greek to me. Forget about me watching your stupid show, Ball-less.
BC: But ... but ... I need an audience!
MK: If you know magic, why not make an audience appear?
BC: THAT'S IT! Whoever isn't here gets top priority on my barf list.
MK: Uh oh.
The Boy: What's going on out ... why's Bear dressed like that?
BC: Why aren't YOU dressed ... like a normal person?

MK: To answer both of your questions ... I figured it was better not to ask - either of you!
The Boy: I'm going to ...
MK: Bear said whoever isn't here gets top priority on his barf list.
The Boy: Great. I'd love to be dislodged from my spot at the top of the list.
BC: Abra-ca-dabra! I have completed my first trick!
EM: What?
MK: Nothing happened!
BC: I made an audience appear.
MK: By force.
BC: HEY! That counts.
EM: Oh! Cool!
MK: That's not cool! He didn't make anything appear, he just threatened ...
EM: Well, I thought it was cool. Bear's right. You pick on him.
MK: WHAT?!??!
EM: Stop being mean to Bear! He's a good musician!
BC: MAGICIAN!
MK: Though he is a musician too ...
The Boy: Who I'd recommend to people who are stuffed up and can't smell.
BC: Hey, now. Smellie's way better at butt-music than I am.
The Boy: Ellie's farts don't smell.
BC: If they don't smell, how do you know they're there?
{Crickets ...}
BC: For my next trick ...
The Boy: Err ... can you take off that get-up? It's kind of hard to take you seriously when you look like a ...
EM: YEAH! Take it off! Take it ALL off!

BC: SHHH! It's not that kind of show!
EM: Don't SHHH! me!
BC: If you SHHH!, I'll give you a private show later.
EM: COOL!
MK: That got out of hand quickly.
BC: {with his magician's clothing removed} For my next trick ... I'm going to make Smellie disappear!
EM: Erm ...
MK: You better not.
BC: For my third trick, I'll ...
MK: That's only your second!
BC: Just wait. For my next trick, I'll pull tuna out of my hat!
EM: COOL!
MK: You don't have a hat.
BC: SILENCE! Or no tuna!
MK: Bear ...
EM: SHHHHHHHHHHH! I want my tuna!
BC: How does a catillion pound tuna sound?
EM: YAY!!! This isn't so bad ...
BC: Now, to make it happen, Smellie, you need to go outside.
MK: Oh, no she's not.
EM: But ... tuna. I don't mind!
MK: Ellie ...
EM: I want to go outside!

MK: Fine. But only until the end of the tuna trick.
{The front door closes}
BC: TA-DA! My second trick is complete.
MK: I don't see any tuna.
The Boy: Or a hat.
BC: I made Smellie disappear!
MK: Bear, now she's going to be upset that you promised her tuna! You know how she gets!
BC: I'm not the one that has to deal with her.
MK: Fine. This ONE time, I'll open a can of tuna so we don't have to hear her meowing and howling for hours about her non-existent tuna. But that's the end of your magic show!
{Momma goes to the kitchen, opens a can of tuna and puts it on a plate}
MK: Let her in ...
The Boy: Maybe you don't realize ...
{Momma opens the front door}
EM: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOA! It worked! There's tuna! Bear, you're my hero! Do it again! Do it again!
BC: Okay.
MK: NO WAY!
EM: But I want more tuna! Though that doesn't look like a catillion pounds ... not that I know how much a catillion is.
The Boy: This "magic show" is just a total rip off!
MK: YEAH! Your magic is getting us to do stuff to your ends!
BC: You have no appreciation for the arts.

MK: At least we didn't pay to see the show.
EM: Err ...
MK: Ellie, please tell me you didn't let Bear raid your piggy bank.
EM: I have a bank of pigs? I don't really like pig.
{Pause}
EM: But I like tuna! And Bear DID make some appear for me. Aren't you being a bit unfair to Bear?
BC: YEAH!
MK: Ellie, the tuna on your plate is from a can I opened.
BC: LIES! Momma is threatened by my magic! Don't believe her! I made tuna appear.
EM: Speaking of my tuna ... the plate is empty! My tuna that appeared disappeared again!
BC: Err ... TADA!
MK: Uh oh. I think I know what happened to the tuna.
EM: Let me see you make more tuna appear.
BC: Err ... give me a few minutes ...
EM: Any time, Bear!
BC: HWK! HWK! HARWK!
The Boy: That's really gross!
BC: TADA!
EM: Hmmm ... it smells the same. Good enough.
MK: Don't eat that!
BC: If one is what he eats, Smellie is barf.
MK: Bear! Your MAGIC show is over.
BC: But I didn't do my finale! I'm going to saw Smellie in half!
EM: That sounds painful.
BC: Just think of it as a diet.
MK: NO!
EM: I don't need a diet! You need a diet! And a brain! And magic!
BC: OH! I have a new idea! I'll make a bag of treats disappear!

MK: Yeah. Right before you barf them all up again.
EM: And on my scratcher!
BC: Tough crowd. You give an audience what they want and they get all mad.
MK: Sounds like you're behind the Eight Ball.
EM: I am not!
MK: NO! I was referring to Bear. Bear's magician name is Eight Ball ... and he's behind the Eight Ball because he's in a difficult sit ... {seeing Ellie's blank face} ... oh, never mind!
The Boy: Oh, I get it! Hahahahahahahahaha. BEHIND the Eight Ball.
BC: Too bad I couldn't make Momma's sense of humor appear.
The Boy: Some things are impossible.
MK: HEY! I'm funny!
BC: Yeah! Momma's funny!
{Pause}
BC: {mumbling to himself} ... looking.
MK: Fine. Bear, your wet treat just disappeared. And The Boy, the lunch I made for you tomorrow disappeared!
EM: WHOA! Momma's good at magic! Though she doesn't have Bear's stage presence and showmanship.
MK: Your wet food treat is gone too, Ellie.
EM: But ... but ... where'd it go? Should I look for it? Where was the last place you saw it?
BC: Dumb-@$$.
EM: Oh! I have an idea. You should make yourself disappear!
MK: Hahaha.
The Boy: That's a good one!
BC: Phht. I know when I'm not wanted!

The Boy: Then how is it that you haven't figured that out before?
MK: HEY! Bear, you're wanted. The Boy, be nice to him!
The Boy: After all that nonsense, why are you defending him? You encourage him.
BC: Encourage me! Encourage me!
MK: He doesn't need my encouragement. He can do that all by himself.
BC: YEAH!
The Boy: Fine. YOU deal with him.
BC: Just watch. My finale is now making The Boy disappear: An Eight-Ball specialty.
EM: But I don't want my Daddy to disappear!
BC: Then it would just be us and her.
EM: No distractions?
BC: Nope.
EM: Can I help?
The Boy: HEY!

All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.

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