BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance
BC: Where were you two?
MK: Err ... no where?
BC: Were you two doing the horizontal ...
EM: They said they were going to the park.
BC: PARK?!?! You went to the PARK?!?!
{Pause}
BC: {looking at The Boy} YOU'RE FIRED!
MK: The Boy took a ton of pictures too! He even tried to talk to the adult geese!
BC: Is there no end to the shame you bring upon my head?
EM: Well, to be fair, it isn't just your head ...
BC: Stay out of this!
The Boy: The goslings are pretty cute.
BC: WHAT?!?! So YOU'RE now a goose molester too?!?! I'm starting a registry ... with Momma and The Boy as the first perpetrators!
MK: It wasn't really that ...
BC: And YOU'RE enabling her now?!?! What's wrong with you? Those geese can file a class action lawsuit and I'll be the laughingstock of the neighborhood again!
EM: Do geese have lawyers?
The Boy: Well ...
BC: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! Unless it involves the phrase, "I promise never to go within a hundred feet of a goose ..."
MK: Do you want to see pictures?!
BC: NO! I don't want to see PICTURES! I want you to stay at least a hundred feet from any geese. Actually, never mind! You both are GROUNDED from that park!
MK: But the goslings are cute ... and there were at least five distinctive broods! That's a lot of goslings!
BC: I DON'T CARE! I DON'T CARE! No geese chasing, harassing, talking to, mothering, picture-taking ... NO! NO GEESE! I will not eat geese that have been to Greece. I will not eat geese covered in fleece. I will not eat geese that are obese. If you don't stop bothering the geese, I'll call the police!
EM: That would make a good crap!
BC: Thank you! I don't know about the commercial appeal ...
EM: Well, truth in advertising.
BC: Err ... oh! Yeah. If I'm a crapper I need to be an authentic cat rapper.
EM: What you do in the litter box is REAL. Believe me.
BC: Is that a euphemism? OH! I get it. Since I'm a crapper, my stage would be the litter box! BRILLIANT!
The Boy: Should I tell him ...
MK: SHHHHHH!
BC: Tell me what?!
The Boy: Err ...
MK: Nothing!
BC: I'm not stupid! When I say something's nothing, it means it's something I don't want you to find out about!
MK: There also were ducks.
The Boy: You should see the pictures! We both used our cameras!
BC: You two had a goose AND duck orgy and you DOUBLE-TEAMED them!
EM: And I wasn't invited?
BC: Stay away for those f*cking ducks too! What?! Smellie's not dumb enough for you? Smellie's not cute enough for you? If all else fails, take pictures of me!
EM: HEY!
BC: You're as bad as Momma is!
The Boy: I am NOT!
MK: I'm bad?
The Boy: Err ... that's not what I meant.
MK: Then what do you mean?
The Boy: I have to go to the bathroom.
BC: You better not close the door! I know you either have tasty whole chickens in there or you snuck some geese home to put in the bathtub.
The Boy: Well, your Momma DID suggest ...
MK: So you're not as bad as me, huh?
BC: No one says that about my Momma and gets away with it!
The Boy: You say similar stuff all the time!
BC: That's different!
The Boy: How?
BC: I know I love and appreciate my Momma. Do you love and appreciate my Momma?
The Boy: Gotta go!
MK: {loudy as The Boy takes off down the hall} We'll continue this when you get back!
{Pause}
MK: No, really! Look! Aren't they cute?
BC: Yeah. In a tasty whole chicken way.
MK: The geese aren't for eating!
BC: And they aren't for molesting!
The Boy: {from the bathroom} Well, I wouldn't really call it molesting ...
BC: You've gone over to the dark side!
The Boy: {from the bathroom} The dark side has goslings!
BC: And my side has claws and fangs!
MK: You don't need to remind us.
BC: By the way ...
EM: OUR DINNER IS LATE!
MK: Thanks for reminding me!
BC: And she asks if she's bad! Yeah! Feed us, Woman! Making friends with stupid geese instead of feeding her starving kitty cats!
EM: Well to be honest ... we're not exactly starv ...
BC: WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?
MK: {looking in the pantry} I just need to take care of some stuff first.
BC: What's more important than me?
EM: ME?
BC: She's got them! She's got them! Save yourself while you still can!
EM: HUH? BYE!
{Pause as Ellie hides in the cat tree corner}
EM: I'm never, ever, ever coming out!
BC: When have I heard that before?
EM: I mean it this time! I'm never coming out!BC: For food? Laps?
EM: Err ...
MK: Gotcha, Bear.
BC: HIIIIIIISSSSS!!!
{Momma chuckles}
BC: What is wrong with you? Learn some proper respect! A cat hisses, you should be SCARED and quaking in your boots ... but your shaking is most certainly LAUGHING. Maybe I've been too easy on you ...
MK: Uh huh. Who sheds the most blood when I clip your claws?
BC: You have a point. But if I don't like it ... you can't expect me NOT to use my special set of skills! Besides, no blood would be spilled if you just let my claws go au naturel.
EM: {from her hiding place} What are your special skills? Jerkiness? Mean-dom?
BC: You wouldn't understand since you're not a real cat.
EM: I'm really tired of you saying that. I have everything you have.
BC: Phht. I'm a boy. I have balls.
EM: Not last time I checked.
BC: SHHHHHHH! You never know which torties are listening! And why are you checking on my man parts?
EM: Because of my sparkle balls, I have more balls than you do.
BC: EXCUSE ME? My balls are so big I have them even when I don't have them!
{Ellie snickers}
BC: WHAT?!?! Do you have to irritate me while I'm already upset?
MK: Bear, be quiet while I check out the acne on your chin.
BC: If you don't get your hand off my unmentionables, you better respect me in the morning!
EM: Is acne that big wart thing on your chin?
BC: SHUT UP! I don't have warts anywhere on my body! Unless you count you. You're a giant wart on my behind.
EM: Warty-McWarts-A-Lot!
MK: Ellie, you don't like when Bear makes fun of you with lies.
BC: That's it! You better disappear because when Momma lets me go, I'm going to ... err ...
EM: Speechless?
BC: Brainless?
MK: No one has warts.
BC: HA! Come and say otherwise to my face, Smellie Bellie!
EM: I'm not coming out of my hiding spot for anything!
BC: That explains why you're especially spunky right now. You think you're protected. I know where you live. I know where you sleep. And I have access to your kibble bowl!
{Pause}
BC: And let me tell you something else ... {AHEM!}
{Pause}
BC: {to the tune of "One Way Or Another" by Blondie}
One way, or another, she's gonna find ya.
She's gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha.
{Pause}
BC: One way, or another, she's gonna trick ya.
She's gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha.
{Pause}
BC: One way, or another, she's gonna grab ya.
She's gonna catch ya catch ya catch ya catch ya.
{Pause}
BC: Sooner than later,
She's gonna catch ya, she's gonna catch ya, she'll catch ya.
{Pause}
BC: OW! Don't you have anything better to do than be mean to me?
MK: We need to get your teeth brushed and your fur brushed.
BC: I'll show you BRUSH ...
MK: OWWWWW! Bear, this would go so much faster if you just cooperated!
BC: I bet that's what you told your last cat too ... until one day she didn't survive.
EM: OH, NO! Momma had another cat before me?
BC: Ummm ... HELLO, dumb@$$!
EM: Oh, right.
BC: Get your *!&# off my @*$^# or I'll &^@% you up so badly you won't know your (@^$ from your &(^&@!
MK: STOP SQUIRMING!
BC: Then stop being a @(&#!
MK: Only when you stop being an @$$#*({!
BC: What's wrong with you? Haven't I taught you to respect me?
MK: I could say the same.
EM: Well, earlier he said ...
BC: SHUT UP!
EM: Don't get mad at me because you didn't run and hide before Momma grabbed you!
BC: BETRAYAL! Who knew my Momma was so cold and calculating?
EM: Ummm ... because she does this every night?
BC: Err ... @&*!
{Pause}
BC: Think about this, Woman! I know where you sleep! I know where to barf! And I'm the shark!
EM: How many alter-egos do you have? The sensitive and loving Momma's boy ... the shark ... the crapper, B-Cube ... the jerk ... Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest ... it's a bit hard to keep track of all of them!
BC: You could say I have multiple personalities.
MK: That's truer than you think.
BC: Are you done yet, Woman? I really want to see Smellie go down!
EM: I'm not coming out ... EVER. Not for ANYTHING!
BC: You say that every time!
EM: This time I mean business!
MK: {letting Bear go} There you go.
BC: HMPH! It's about time! And try that again and I'll make you sorry!
EM: You say that every time!
{Momma can be heard in the kitchen opening the food bag}
EM: Err ... out ... safe ... out ... safe ... fresh kibble ... safe ...
BC: I THINK SMELLIE'S OVERHEATING!
EM: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
BC: She's going to blow!
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm ... that might be interesting.
EM: {running out of her hiding spot} FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD!
MK: {grabbing Ellie} AHA!
EM: Ah, man! I was screwed by my belly!
BC: You ate five minutes ago.
EM: No! It was more like five hours ... err ... I ate right before Momma grabbed you ...
BC: Huh. It FELT like five hours ago that she started torturing me ...
EM: No! Huh. It HAS been five minutes. NUTS!
BC: It's okay. With how big your belly is, you can't expect it NOT to win sometimes ...
{Pause}
BC: ... Or every time.
EM: Are you calling me fat?
BC: Are you being stupid on purpose?
MK: BEAR! Eat your wet food!
BC: Oooh!
EM: Talk about a big, persuasive belly ...
BC: {while eating} Shuth yourf brig trapth! I'mf goingth forg yourf foodth nexth!
EM: Hahaha. Wait a ... MOMMA! HURRY UP!
MK: Then stop squirming!
EM: But Bear will eat my food!
MK: DONE!
EM: BEAR! You better get away from my food before I ...
{Pause}
EM: {GASP}! Where's my plate? Bear ate my food AND the plate! I'm going to starve!
MK: Relax, Ellie. I haven't put your plate out yet.
EM: WHAT?!?!?! Bear tricked me?
BC: If it wasn't so easy ...
EM: OH, SHUT UP! I have business to attend to!
© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.
- If you missed the series on Bear's cat rapping (crapping):
- Momma's Sad . . . and Bear For President!
- The quack daddy.
- Bear's cat rapping show hits the road.
- Bear's cat rapping show hits the road, part 2.
- B-Cube and his posse.
- If you missed the episode of Momma pretending to be a momma goose and herding goslings away from a busy road (which caused Bear much embarrassment and made The Boy tell Momma she wasn't allowed in the park without him): Momma Kat: tennis pro and goose herder extraordinaire. This year we discussed geese in Through the looking glass.
- Bear's proudly a Momma's boy. To read more ...
- Who's Male Princess Buttercup ... ? "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 22 ("On tiaras," part 1 and part 2).
- You may find Bear's Sharkiness explained in ... I'm the shark, The chicken, and His Royal Sharkiness.
- This isn't the first time Bear's changed a song to suit his purposes ... for links to those posts, please see Bear's karaoke list here: Bear's Lair.
Cor blimey, lord love a duck, would you look at all them feather lunches, MOL. I don't think you should worry about the staff bringing a goose home, Bear, as them birds aren't litter trained, and just think the size of the cat flap they'd need to fit!
ReplyDeletePurrs
ERin
Hey ... as long as they find my mouth ... I don't care ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteJust imagine all the noise and poop if they brought them home. I think you both are safe enough. Do you realise though, 3 photos of you, Bear, and 3 of Ellie Mae....and 9, yes NINE photos of geese, goslings and ducks!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd I thought we have already have a zoo ... but you're right!
DeleteI think you'd sure have messing litter boxes if you brought all of them in Bear!
ReplyDeleteIt's bad enough that I have to share a litter box with Smellie! ~Bear Cat
Deleteand now a werd frum sum voice in trout towne;
ReplyDeleteall three catz haz pazzed out N bee layin on de floor....
de last werdz hurd frum tuna were.......
be jezuz....say it iznt sew bear.....our eyez haz just seen what we shulda knot seed
Why does Momma think they are cute?!?! I'M cute! Even Smellie is cute in comparison! Humans have no taste! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, you should come to our house. We have a TON of geese and goslings all over our backyard. We even have ducks and swans and a heron or two.
ReplyDeleteNO! Don't tell my Momma! She'll come and goose-nap some! Actually, I suspect she already has ... I just don't know where's she's keeping them ... ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, the geese are darling!!! And look at those precious little babies.
ReplyDeleteThey ARE so precious. I wanted to pet one so badly!
DeleteOh my stars, what cute little baby geese! Don't worry, I'm sure they'll stay outside! (EVen though they may be tasty.)
ReplyDeleteI wanted to pet one so badly!
DeleteLoedy me look at all the geese and ducks. The baby geese are growing like stink and still have baby fuzz on them. Wish I could chase them.
ReplyDeleteShoko
It's for the birds, I tell you! ~Bear Cat
DeleteThat Momma is a sneaky one. :)
ReplyDeleteI tell you ... she can't be trusted! And you can't take her or The Boy anywhere! ~Bear Cat
DeleteAwww.... Those lil guys are adorable!
ReplyDeleteAlmost unbearably so. I wanted to pet one so badly!
DeleteUgh that looks sooooooooooo much like where we live. We have TONS AND TONS AND TONS (did I say TONS?) of geese and baby geese and goose poop. It's crazy!! Many years ago a mother goose tried to attack Dakota when we were taking a walk, I think she is a HUGE reason why he isn't a fan of taking walks at all.
ReplyDeleteThe really nice hotel in our area had a Momma goose problem. They actually close an entrance because the goose will go after anyone entering or exiting. I think they even relocated her and she found her way back. Then again, I'm like that in the protection of my cats ... so I can't really fault the geese.
DeleteThe babies look so cute ! But we wouldn't have all these geese in our home, we can't imagine the mess and the noise ! Purrs
ReplyDeleteI barely manage with two CATS ... I can't even imagine all the geese!
DeleteMr. and Mrs. Goose might want to think about having Bear and Ellie as nannies.
ReplyDeleteMOL MOL. We saw several gaggles of them today on our walk
Hugs Cecilia
Momma keeps saying they're beautiful creatures. Phht. For food. ~Bear Cat
DeleteSuch an attitude, Bear! After all, you live at home, while those geese and ducks live in the wild...who's got a better deal, huh? P.S. The Hubby has stopped trimming Da Boyz's claws, 'cause he only wants them to associate him with good things! After just a short while, they stopped hooking my skin, and we rarely get an scratches. He's even stopped trimming Angel too, and she's been getting trimmed since she was a wee babe.
ReplyDeleteThe women have to do all the nasty stuff! It burns The Boy's biscuit to no end that I'm the one that clips claws, brushes teeth, takes them to the vet ... and yet, I am their favorite. They're not stupid!
DeleteAs soon as I saw the geese, I hope the Trout Towne Tabbies would not see this, but I see in the comments above they have- poor kitties.
ReplyDeleteThe goslings are too cute to be scary. ~Ellie Mae
DeleteAww, we love those little goslings. They are adorable! But those geese are poopin' machines, for sure. :)
ReplyDeleteThat is true! But better in the park than on our car!
DeleteI won't ever let my mom cut my claws. Nope/ I have to admit though the I do allow it at the vets office. But here...I have the final say. And Ellie overheating got mom to emitting embarrassing heehaws...right here in the living roo,! LOUD ones too.
ReplyDeleteLOVE seeing the duckies and the babies. Super pictures.
Being a cat means lots of hard choices (lest we overheat) ... and lots of putting up with our humans' nonsense!
DeleteBe grateful the geese didn't go bazooka on your pawrents-the ones in our local lake are demon birds and will chase humans like crazy. We don't mess around with them, especially with the cutie babies.
ReplyDeleteOurs beg for food. But get too close to a baby and HISSSSSSS! I walked the length of the park taking pictures of all the broods and it was like a mine field. I was zipping and zagging around like I had ants in my pants. I'd try to get far enough away from one and get too close to another.
DeleteSeeing those photos...all I can say is...there's an awful lot of goose fornication going on at your lake. MOL! Loved this!
ReplyDeleteWe hadn't thought about it that way ... but the image in my head ... YUCK!
DeleteAww, those goslings are so cute! Almost as cute as Bear and Ellie. I wasn't aware that the dark side had goslings.
ReplyDeleteAre you interested?!? ;)
Delete