EM: Ellie Mae Kat
MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat Kat
The Boy: Momma's fiance
EM: OH! You're still in bed! YAY! See, I usually come in at 7:08 and redeem my 7:10 pets, but I overslept. My 7:10 pets are my favorites because Bear is no where to be found and I get you to myself! Then again, my 1:19 pm pets are pretty awesome too. Actually, I like all the pets - unscheduled and scheduled. I love you, Momma! You're the bestest thing ever! Every cat should have a Momma like you! And your lap ... it's like heaven ... well, without the tuna and sparkle balls.
MK: Ellie, slow down, I'm not feeling so good.
BC: {from the other room} HA! I told you that you'd regret eating that pizza and the snack cakes!
MK: NO! It's not THAT kind of sick!
EM: Pet me, Momma! PET ME! I've been bereft of love since my 6:28 pets! I was getting lonely! I thought I might never get loves again!
BC: {walking into the room} And yet ... you overslept.
EM: No one asked you. But if I had, I'd tell you that some boy-cat kept me up!
BC: You were in my spot!
EM: THREE TIMES!
BC: Well, I didn't exactly count ... I just go with the force field.
EM: I suspect you like licking me and annoying me until I get up and give you the spot. Some dominance type nonsense.
BC: Dominance is no nonsense. Only the non-dominant think it's nonsense.
EM: Is that true, Momma?
BC: Like she would know! The only living thing she's dominant over is The Boy!
EM: No one likes a cat that brags about his power.
BC: Says the cat who has no power.
EM: I get Momma to do what I want MOST of the time!
BC: Oh, yeah? Then why isn't she petting you already?
EM: Err ...
BC: Yeah. She does what you want most of the time because she feels sorry for you.
EM: Because you're my brother?
BC: Hey! I'm a good brother!
{Pause}
BC: Never mind. I couldn't even get that out with a straight face!
MK: Can you two take this elsewhere?
EM: But I was really looking forward to pets!
MK: Ellie, I'm not feeling good. Can we do it later?
BC: I told you ...
MK: Not that kind of sick, Bear!
BC: Sheesh! You're grumpy. Sounds like that pizza and those snack cakes are giving you some ...
MK: STOP! Just because I don't want to hear your "I told you so," doesn't mean that you're right!
BC: But I am.
MK: NO!
BC: You're in denial.
MK: Just because I don't agree with you doesn't mean I'm in denial.
EM: The river in Egypt? But you're right here! Bear, how can she be in the Nile if she's right here?
BC: De Nile isn't just a river in Egypt.
EM: REALLY? Where else does the Nile go?
MK: Bear, it's MY stomach and it feels fine.
EM: What's that have to do with the Nile?
MK: IT DOESN'T!
{Silence}
MK: Seriously? Can you two do this somewhere else?
EM: But I can't get pets if I go someplace else!
BC: I'll pet you.
EM: Ummm ... why does that scare me?
BC: Because you know me.
EM: Right. Sometimes I wish I didn't!
BC: It's not my fault you believe everything I say!
EM: I don't believe EVERYTHING you say. I know I'm not smelly!
{Silence}
EM: Err ... right?
{Pause}
EM: Momma?
MK: Oh, so NOW you're listening to me?
BC: Someone's in a BAD mood!
EM: Who? I'm not in a bad mood!
BC: And another someone is an idiot.
EM: That's not nice to call Momma an idiot!
BC: I wasn't!
EM: Wait a minute ...
BC: Unbelievable! She's too stupid to even know when she's being insulted!
EM: No one insults my Momma and gets away with it!
BC: She's MY Momma too! She was my Momma FIRST!
EM: Well, apparently, you weren't cat enough for her so she needed me!
BC: You take that back! I'm plenty cat! I'm the epitome of cat! I'm ...
EM: Not missing any meals?
BC: That's it! I've had it! The vet said that ONCE!
EM: A visit.
MK: SERIOUSLY!! CAN. YOU. TWO. DO. THIS. SOMEWHERE. ELSE?!?!? When you two fight, it shakes the bed.
BC: You don't seem to mind when The Boy's around!
MK: WHAT?!?!?!
EM: He's right. A couple nights ago you and Daddy were fighting and the bed was definitely shaking. I ran for cover.
BC: Who won, Momma? You both seemed pretty happy afterward.
MK: That's it! OUT!
EM: But ...
BC: Yes, your butt too!
EM: Oh, shut up!
BC: After you!
EM: Yeah. I'm not doing THAT again. Last time I went first, you heckled me all the way to the other room.
BC: Well, I mean, your butt is pretty remarkable ...
EM: REALLY? Thanks!
BC: ... For an airplane hanger!
EM: That's it!
{WHAP!}
BC: Oww! Momma! She whapped me! Hasn't Momma ever told you violence isn't the answer?
{WHAP!}
EM: OWW! Momma! He whapped me!
{Pause}
EM: So the violence thing doesn't include you?
BC: Don't be ridiculous. Violence isn't the answer because I always hit back harder.
EM: Momma didn't say that!
BC: Oh, so you're now not listening to Momma?
EM: Of course I listen to Momma! I'm a good cat!
MK: NEITHER OF YOU ARE LISTENING!
BC: Listening is for chumps ... like Smellie.
{Pause}
BC: WHAT? That's an evil look, Smellie! Momma, Smellie looked at me!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: Oh. Never mind. That's just her face.
EM: Yeah. Like I'd want to look at you!
BC: Because you have ...
EM: What? A huge butt? A stupid brain? An ugly face?
BC: Well, when you say it, I don't need to. I was going to say taste ... and then I thought about how much you love The Boy.
EM: Stop being mean to my Daddy!
BC: You know, if you looked at me, you might learn something.
EM: How to be grounded in over ten languages? How to lick my butt? How to be annoying?
BC: I should write a book! But you already know how to be annoying. You could write that book.
EM: Why am I the butt of all of your jokes?
BC: Is that rhetorical ... like "Why am I a butt when I really want to be an arm?"
The Boy: {walking into the room} How are you?
EM: Bear's being mean to me!
BC: Smellie's annoying me!
MK: HELP!
The Boy: I was talking to your Momma.
EM: Why?
The Boy: She's really sick and I wanted to be sure she's okay!
BC: She's SICK?
EM: Oh, no!
BC: If she dies, can I have her desk chair, her drawstring pants, her bras and her bazooka?
MK: I DON'T HAVE A BAZOOKA!
BC: Just checking.
EM: I love you, Momma. I'm going to lay on you and keep you warm until you feel better.
BC: Yeah! You could've said something before!
MK: I DID!
BC: Oh. Yeah. I don't listen to you.
EM: I listen! I love you, Momma! I love you even more than ...
{Pause as Ellie looks around the room}
EM: ... {whispering} Daddy.
The Boy: I heard that!
BC: Move out of my way, Smellie Neigh.
EM: NO! I'm making sure Momma's okay!
BC: That's MY job! I fix stuff. Well, to be fair, I break stuff too - but mainly I fix stuff.
EM: I'm not moving!
BC: That's what you said the last 928,825,093,836 times. Then you moved.
EM: Because you LICKED ME!
BC: Don't mind if I do!
EM: EWW! Stop licking me! Stop licking me! MOMMA! Bear's licking me!
The Boy: Maybe you two should take this elsewhere.
EM: But I'm watching over Momma until she feels better!
BC: Or until you get hungry ... which should be any time.
EM: OH! FOOD! I love food! And sparkle balls. And tuna. Though tuna is food, so I guess I already kind of said that.
MK: I feel so special.
The Boy: Because the cats are fighting over you?
MK: No. Because I rank among sparkle balls and tuna.
EM: You do!
BC: I think she was being sarcastic!
EM: HEY! Bear! Stop pushing me!
BC: (trying to push Ellie off Momma} I'm .... going ... to ... love ... my .... Momma ... if ... it's ... the ... last ... thing ... I ... do.
MK: Aww! That's so sweet!
EM: WHAT?!?! I was here first! Uh ... uh oh!
{THUNK!}
BC: Hahahahahaha. She fell off the bed!
EM: I had help!
{Pause}
EM: Oh. I see how it is. Bear is sweet and I'm just knocked off as an after thought.
The Boy: I love you, Ellie.
EM: Not now, Daddy. I have to devise a plan to win back my Momma.
The Boy: Don't let me stand in your way!
EM: I'm not!
The Boy: I guess I'm not needed here.
BC: REALLY?!?
{Pause}
BC: You JUST figured that out?
MK: THAT'S IT! EVERY ONE OUT!
EM: But ...
The Boy: KAT!
MK: THAT GOES FOR CATS AND PEOPLE!
BC: Phht. I'm clearly not included in that ... because I'm special.
MK: YOU TOO!
BC: Up yours! That's the last time I try to help you!
EM: All you did was knock me to the floor!
BC: {while being picked up and removed from the room by The Boy} MOMMA! LET ME LOVE YOU! I just want to love you! I'm your Bear-ka-Sprinkles! Your love bug! And this is just plain undignified!
{The door closes}
BC: There better not be tasty whole chickens behind that door!
The Boy: OWWW!
BC: Watch where you put your hands! Last time someone touched me there, I demanded ...
{Momma puts in her ear plugs and silence reigns}
© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.
Featured posts:
- The cats have been charged with taking care of Momma before ... On Duty: Momma's nurses.
- Bear's proudly a Momma's boy. To read more ...
- To read more about Bear's obsession with the tasty whole chickens behind closed doors:
I hope your Momma soon feels better, but I think a closed door and peace and quiet is the only way that will happen.
ReplyDeleteThank you! But we need Momma too much for peace and quiet! We tried and lasted five minutes!
DeleteOh, your poor mom, BearCat and Ellie Mae. I know you want to help her, but sometimes only knowing that you are around... in another room, is more healing than being to close to her. Healing Pawkisses for a speedy recovery MommaKat💗💗💗
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteI hope your Momma is feeling better soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I've been on meds for a week and I'm still feeling pretty crummy!
DeletePoor Momma, we sure hope she feels better soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I've been on meds for a week and I'm still feeling pretty crummy!
DeleteGet well soon, Momma!
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteI hope your Momma feels better soon. There are lots nasty bugs going around right now. Don't worry, kitties, you will all get your pets soon. Just be patient. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you. I've been on meds for a week and I'm still feeling pretty crummy!
DeletePoor Momma Kat! I hope she feels better soon!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I've been on meds for a week and I'm still feeling pretty crummy!
DeleteWell to quote human sis of Madi from years gone by when I was sick with the flu in bed for a week............
ReplyDeleteMommies are not supposed to get sick. Feel free to share with your Mommy
Hugs Cecilia
PS I hope she feels better soon. My hubby has had a nasty head cold and I'm trying to stay well
Thank you! But we need Momma too much for peace and quiet! We tried and lasted five minutes! You're right! Mommas should get sick - there should be a law!
DeleteMommas SHOULDN'T get sick! Our bad.
DeleteWe send lots of good thoughts to the Mom. Hope she feels better soon.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I've been on meds for a week and I'm still feeling pretty crummy!
DeleteI hope your sweet Momma feels better, and that you give her a fun and peaceful Mother's Day!
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteI was pretty sick a couple of weeks ago too, it's no fun at all. I'm pretty sure you're not allowed to be sick, or at least not feel sorry for yourself, when you have pets!
ReplyDeleteBut we need Momma too much for peace and quiet! We tried and lasted five minutes! You're right! Mommas shouldn't get sick - there should be a law!
DeleteI hope your momma feels better soon. And I hope your folks don't have any more bed shaking fights :)
ReplyDeleteI'm working on feeling better. I can be a bit stubborn which doesn't always help :)
DeleteFrom Katie: MK...I hope to goodness there is improvement every day. On another note, mom was rolling! Don't know what her issue is, but she said she thought that Bear and Ellie's convo was spot on. Me, I looked, and I don't see any spots. I see striped pants and shirt on Bear and a black satin onesie on Ellie. Mom said though that she feels your dilemma...or something like that and that she hopes you are feeling better for your day tomorrow. Are you able to go out and get some suns on your woefully non furred self? It always helps me and mommy when we get suns on us. And fresh air in our noseicles. Go sit in the suns.
ReplyDeleteIt's been rainy, rainy, rainy and really cold! But that's okay ... I wasn't feeling up to much physical activity! I'm ready to be done with being sick - that's for sure!
DeleteNow heres a post—so many things going and so many answers needed, like: Why was momma sick? Do they really make Tuna & Snack cake flavour pizza, and if so do they do any other combos? If it hasn't been patented then it should be as sounds way more fun than a Cornish Pasty that we have here! Was there a tasty chicken hiding behind the door? And where was it the Boy had hold of Bear?
ReplyDeleteHeres to MK getting better very soon—maybe when she does you can throw a Pizza and cake party????
Purrs
ERin
Thank you! I perked up at the comment about pizza and cake ... so I can't be THAT down and out :)
DeleteHope your mama recovers quickly and enjoyed a nice MamaCat's Day tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteYour Mom is the best!
ReplyDeleteShe is AMAZING!
Happy Mother's Day!
Love Marv and Mom
Thanks Marv and Mom! Happy Mother's Day to your Mom!
DeleteHappy Mothers Day, Momma Kat. I hope you are feeling better. Ellie Mae was terribly worried about you and Bear was worried, too, in his own special way. Hugs.
ReplyDelete"His own special way" ... yeah. We say that A LOT ;)
DeleteOh, your poor Momma Kat! We sure hope she feels better soon. Sending lots of healing purrs and prayers, and all good thoughts.
ReplyDeleteStill working on getting better!
DeleteHappy Mother's day awnty Kat, we purray you feel better real soon. Ya'll be nice to your mommy. Big hugs
ReplyDeleteLuv ya'
Dezi and Raena
It's been kind of rough ... but I'm hanging in there!
DeleteLovely conversation. I loved reading this.
ReplyDeleteThank you! We love to hear that!
DeleteSadly, it's true.. being ill with cats around is not very pleasant.
ReplyDeleteFun times ... or something like that ;)
DeleteThe Human: Hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteAMARULA: Your illness better not impede your ability to provide Bear with the highest level of care and attention!How dare you get ill!
ZULU and FRODO: Hugs to all of you!
You all totally get us!
Delete