BC: Bear Cat Kat
MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae Kat
BC: FOOD!!!!
EM: Huh?
{Pause as Ellie listens to the rustling bag}
EM: FOOD!!!
BC: FOOD FOOD FOOD! Food glorious food! Feed my mouth!
EM: OH! It's food time! It's food time! I hear the bag!
BC: Hey. I heard it first, that means I have dibs ...
MK: It's not a bag of kibble!
BC: Well, butt-monkey, if you don't want to give us any, you can at least say that and not lie!
EM: YEAH!
MK: NO! It's REALLY litter!
BC: Hand over the fresh kibble and no one will be hurt.
MK: It's really NOT kibble!
BC: I really DON'T CARE! GIMME!
MK: Oh, for the love ...
BC: I'm not talking to you. Feel the burn.
EM: Awww! Why this time?
BC: I'm not talking to Momma, you ninny!
EM: So you are talking to me?
BC: Hmm ... then again ...
EM: Too late! Too late! You already admitted you're talking to me. HA!
BC: Meet the back of disrespect.
EM: The back of disrespect! Cold! Momma, you're in big trouble!
BC: I'm not talking to Momma until she feeds us from the kibble bag she so unceremoniously rustled.
MK: Promise? Because I could really use some peace and ...
BC: WHAT?!?! I've never been so insulted ...
EM: Well, technically ... you have been so insulted. Like when ...
BC: Perhaps Momma will reconsider her miserly ways ...
MK: Your food bowls are full!
BC: Well, I don't know about FULL ... toe-may-toe to-mah-to.
EM: {BURP!}
BC: And Smellie just ate half a bowl! Like I want to eat the rest covered in Smellie slobber.
EM: Smelly slobber? Who would slobber in our food bowl? That's rude! Well, unless a cat was claiming the content for them-self.
BC: AHA!
EM: What? I heard it from a friend!
BC: You don't have any friends.
EM: I DO TOO!
BC: Oh?
EM: {mumbling} Pinkie mousie, my sparkle balls, the catnip banana ...
BC: The catnip banana is mine!
EM: Err ... The Boy, Momma ...
BC: Oh? Momma and The Boy slobber in their bowls of food?
EM: SHUT UP!
{Pause}
EM: Momma, can we have some of that kibble?
MK: IT'S. NOT. KIBBLE. It's litter to add to the litter box.
EM: Huh. It DOES smell like litter! Momma told us the truth.
BC: Yeah, whatever. That's what she wants us to think! Momma's are infamous for being tricky! Remember? Tuna-Gate of 2018?
EM: Tasty-whole-chicken-Gate of 2017, 2018 AND 2019 ...
BC: Deprived of my own tasty whole chickens!
EM: OUR.
BC: Huh?
EM: OUR tasty whole chickens.
BC: Don't be ridiculous! One doesn't SHARE chickens. A tasty whole chicken in every pot! Not HALF a tasty whole chicken in every pot.
MK: Umm ... those chickens don't exist either!
EM: Half of lots of tasty whole chickens ...
BC: Phht. HALF. Try five percent.
MK: IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE THE CHICKENS DON'T EXIST! ERGO, NO CHICKENS!
BC: Don't worry. We WILL get our revenge.
MK: For what? No chickens?
BC: You just want us to think there aren't any chickens! Like you want us to believe a kibble bag is really litter.
EM: I don't think she's ly ...
BC: ZIP IT! You know what would make me feel better? Treats.
EM: YEAH!
{Pause for dramatic effect}
BC: {AHEM!} I regret that I have but one life to give for treats.
{Pause for dramatic effect}
BC: Give me treats ... or give me death!
MK: You don't need treats.
BC: You don't need cookies. Or brownies. Or chips. Or pizza.
MK: I see your point.
BC: So you'll give us treats?
MK: No.
BC: Besides, you owe us for the cruel trick of the rustling bag of ... "litter."
EM: That's not going to ...
MK: Ooooooo-kay.
EM: Whoa! Cool! Teach me how to do that!
BC: Phht. THIS ... kind of awesome ... isn't taught in any school.
EM: Is that what they're calling it these days?
BC: Shut up.
{Pause}
BC: Where are those treats, woman!?!?! My stomach has eaten up my patience.
MK: I'm sorry for inadvertently making you think I was opening the kibble bag. Here are your treats.
BC: {thinking to himself} Whatever.
Both cats: Num num nom nom. Num num nom nom. Num num nom nom ...
BC: I'm tired! Nap time.
EM: What about showing Momma we mean business?
BC: Revenge is a bowl best served cold.
EM: Revenge? Can I try that? Is it like geese?
BC: Go away.
EM: But ...
BC: GO. AWAY. OR. I'LL. MUCK. YOU. UP!
EM: You could just ask nicely!
BC: WHAT ABOUT GO AWAY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
EM: Is the going away temporary or permanent?
BC: Temporary, so I can get a nap ... but keep talking and it will be permanent.
EM: Okay. No more talking.
{Pause}
EM: But ... {seeing Bear's face} ... never mind.
{The house is quiet for a good forty-five minutes ... until the cats wake up and get their juices flowing ... }
MK: {working at her desk} Huh. I wonder if I could make that work ...
{Pause}
MK: Well, at the very least ...
BC: Don't look now, but ...
MK: Wha ...
BC: It's right by your ear!
MK: My ear? What?
BC: A HUGE Smellie-sized mosquito!
MK: Oh, HEELLLLLL NO!
BC: It's dive-bombing you!
EM: I'm not going to be part of this.
MK: Where?
BC: Your six o'clock!
MK: Huh?
BC: Your OTHER six o'clock!
MK: That would mean my 12 o'clock.
BC: WHATEVER! Pay attention! My Momma's going to squash you, you blood sucking nuisance.
EM: Huh. Blood sucking nuisance. Kind of describes Bear.
BC: UP!
{Pause}
BC: DOWN!
{Pause}
BC: BEHIND YOU!
{Pause}
BC: FARTHER!
EM: Watch out Momma, you're about to tip back ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: OOP!
{Crash}
MK: Ow.
BC: That was a 7.693 out of ten.
EM: More like an 8.471. Not that I'm participating.
BC: People talk about a tumble from grace ... Momma falls like a brick.
{Pause as Ellie thinks about what an injury to Momma might mean to her}
EM: Momma! Momma! Are you okay? Do you need to see PR? Can you feed us? And pet us and stuff? Is my lap broken? Put me in for a reservation!
BC: CPR!
EM: That's what I said!
BC: Oh, forget it.
MK: Well, besides this wild goose chase your brother has me on ...
BC: Shows what you know! It's not a goose! It's a MOSQUITO!
MK: You didn't really even see one to begin with!
BC: Err ... a goose ... NO.
MK: You know what I meant.
BC: In my defense, it was pretty funny to watch you flailing around after something that's not there.
MK: Bear, that's not funny. You know how I get with mosquitoes!
BC: Itchy and homicidal? Psychotic, possessed, demented, and twitchy?
EM: Is it homicide if the victim is a bug? Isn't it insecticide?
BC: Deep thoughts by Smellie Neigh.
MK: I can't let it go. EVER. Because I always get bitten. And I always itch endlessly.
BC: Once, Momma stalked a mosquito around our house for five hours!
EM: What happened?
BC: As if you have to ...
EM: Did she end up in the hospital?
BC: No. Surprisingly, humans are more durable than they look.
MK: AHA!
{Splat}
BC: How rude! I was in the middle of my soliloquy!
MK: All this time I've been chasing a fake mosquito, and one was already feasting on my blood.
EM: Ummm ... Momma?
MK: Not now, Ellie.
EM: No ... see ...
MK: Bear, that wasn't funny.
BC: Says you.
MK: BEAR CAT KAT!
BC: Err ... I hear Smellie calling.
EM: I'm right here, doofus and I'm DEFINITELY not calling you. I'm too busy watching the mosquito on Momma's forehead.
MK: WHAT?!?!?! No no no no no!
{Momma slaps her forehead repeatedly}
BC: Would it kill you to play along?
EM: Umm ... Momma?
MK: WHAT?!?!
EM: There's still a mosquito on your face.
MK: And you didn't tell me one was there before?
BC: In her defense, you told her not to ...
{Seeing Momma's face}
BC: I know, I know. I'm not helping. Bye.
{Pause}
BC: {from down the hall} Now who's adding to the litter box? Hahahahahaha.
EM: No one! Momma already took care of it.
BC: NO! I was referring to the bull-poop about the mosquito.
EM: But there is a mosquito!
BC: Lucky coincidence ...
EM: Wait ... A mosquito is using our litter box? Are they messy?
BC: Only when squashed.
EM: But ...
BC: Forget it. I need a nap.
EM: But ... but ... if there's a mosquito in our litter box, will it eat me?
BC: {mumbling to himself} If only we were so lucky.
MK: I'll going to find you and kill you, you stupid mosquito! I've had just about enough ... and you've gotten enough of my blood! Prepare to ...
{Pause}
MK: OOP!
{Pause as Momma crashes to the floor}
MK: Oww.
BC: Momma, zero. Elusive mosquito, 5,982,662.
{Pause}
BC: Then again, if Momma keeps it up, one of these times she's going to land on Smellie. Can you say CAT CAKE?
MK: I'm going to get that mother-meower if it's the last thing I do!
BC: It very well might be the last thing you do.
MK: HUH? OOP!
{Crash}
MK: Oww.
BC: Mosquito, 5,982,663.
{Pause}
MK: COME BACK HERE, stupid mosquito!
EM: I can't watch.
BC: Eh. I've seen this time after time ... not nearly as entertaining as it used to be. She never learns!
EM: Phht. HUMANS!
© 2019 Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat - Published by K. Kern.
All text, pictures, images, and other content are original and copyright by Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat [K. Kern]. No part of my post may be used without my written permission. If you see this post posted on a site that isn't Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat, please contact mommakatandherbearcat@gmail.com.
Featured posts:
- Momma's had plenty of embarrassing moments since we started our blog. To read about the episodes that never fail to entertain Bear ...
- Bear's framed.
- "On supreme and discerning acumen," from "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 20.
- "On an embarrassing 'Momma moment,'" and "On another embarrassing 'Momma moment,'" from "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 17.
- "On the bottle cap," and "On mishaps," from "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 15.
Your mom tricked you! No fair. You both deserve special treats for this .
ReplyDeleteThat's what we said!
DeleteMommy hates mosquitoes too awnty Kat. Sure hope you can kill that one. Bear, we luv you and are super glad to be your furiends. But, Ellie, we're also your furiends. See, you have furiends. Big hugs
ReplyDeleteLuv ya'
Dezi and Raena
Ugh. They'll be no living with Smellie now! ~Bear Cat
DeleteThem pesky mozies! What you guys need is one of those electric bug/mosquito zapper things with a blue light. Of course that could take all the fun from Bear and Ellie, but saves nasty infections , rashes and rash (crazed) behaviour and life threatening actions on the human part, and thus preserve ones food supply!
ReplyDeletePurrs
ERin
Hmmm ... good point. But Smellie's dumb enough that she might zap herself. {Bear thinks} OKAY! ~Bear Cat
DeleteIt is wrong that you were fooled by the opening of the litter bag. In future you must demand that a bag of treats is opened at the same time!
ReplyDeleteWe like that!
DeleteWell that's not fair, treats first, litter second!
ReplyDeleteSounds fair to us!
DeleteAt home our little one always gets fooled by the opening of bags for the kitchen and always thinks it's time for a treat. Hope mom knows to have the treats ready to go first before anything. Thanks for the share. Have a wonderful day.
ReplyDeleteWorld of Animals
Sounds fair to us!
DeleteAmarula: I bet you would share your toys with me Bear--even the catnip banana! The Human hates mosquitoes too but I love watching her try to find where the buzzing is coming from and kill it-hilarious!
ReplyDeleteOf course! We could cuddle together! Smellie slobbers on stuff and is a sorry excuse for a cat. Just saying. ~Bear Cat
DeleteWe humans are amused by cats, but I guess we can amuse them just as much!
ReplyDeleteEspecially my Momma! She's ... GIFTED. ~Bear Cat
Deleteguyz.....we watched de FSG get a chair, climb de chair, smak de ceelin, knock de lite all most kleen
ReplyDeleteoff itz base, ta get ta a mosquito that, flew outta de room when her went ta get de chair....
hope MK iz alright ;) ☺☺♥♥
Hahahaha. That must of hurt ... to watch ;)
DeleteLOL indeed who knew. Angel Madi got confused with the zip lock sound of her treat bag and the Planters walnut bag...
ReplyDeleteHugs Cecilia
Hahahaha. I've had that problem with potato chips ... but I figured the litter bag and kibble bag wouldn't sound anything alike. Now I know!
DeleteDon't feel bad...Mudpie has mistaken other food packages for her treat pouches!
ReplyDeleteBear has too! All cats should get more treats! It should be a rule!
DeleteWell, I hope your momma got that mosquito. But if she didn't, it sounds like endless entertainment for you to watch her trying!
ReplyDeleteNo kidding! I usually get tired after a few minutes of watching ... but it's always a good show! ~Bear Cat
DeleteHmmmmm....was that karma on Momma, even though she was just innocently filling the litterbox?
ReplyDeleteJan, Wag 'n Woof Pets
Always manages to bite you in the butt ... doesn't it :)
DeleteWhat a let down! Litter when you thought it was food! Guys, maybe the mosquito was on your side and getting your Momma back for such an offense.
ReplyDeleteHmmm ... you bring up a good point. ~Bear Cat
DeleteThat's tricky ! You should get extra-treats for this ! Purrs
ReplyDeleteWe think so too!
DeleteGive me treats or give me death! Bwahahahhahahahahahahahaha And gosh, BC, you showed your mom with that whole no cookies, no pizza comeback. My human might lose her mind if she had to give up pizza and chips.
ReplyDeleteMine too! ~Bear Cat
DeleteWe can identify with this trickery! This very morning Mom opened a bag of spinach to make breakfast (I guess she cooks the vile stuff with eggs) and when she turned around...a bunch of us were behind her expecting treats. No treats? She didn't even apologize. We are planning to sue as soon as we get some money.
ReplyDeleteOh! I've been meaning to get a lawyer (and a therapist) on retainer for incidents like this one! ~Bear Cat
DeleteDang. Mom totally tricked you two. Treats, and lots of them, are definitely in order!
ReplyDeleteMosquitoes??? Auuuuughhhh!
We agree! ~Bear Cat
DeleteGah...those pesky 'squitos...I feel your mama's pain. 🦟It is rather entertaining that the crinkling of any packaging seems to be the equivalent of the dinner bell around here too.
ReplyDeleteMaybe we're too optimistic? ;)
DeleteI hate mosquitoes too! I hate that they can spread heartworm to kitties.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't even considered that! But it's true!
DeleteI hate mosquitoes too...and mommy does as well. She gets herself all in an uproar trying to find the horrid things They know when they;re being hunted and make their sound just out of reach. Mom laughed at Tabbies of Trouttowne's FSG about knocking the ceiling light clean off its base. My mom has knocked over a floor lamp and dented the shade too. What a maroon!
ReplyDeleteMy Momma just can't let it go! It's ridiculous! But, truth be told, it's very entertaining! ~Bear Cat
DeleteGet that squito, Momma Kat, and give it the what's for! Kill it before it sucks your blood and multiplies! It is a mini zom, fur sure! Winks. -Valentine (& Kerry) of Noir Kitty Mews
ReplyDeleteMomma's a bad-ass mosquito hunter! ;)
Delete