BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma KatThe Boy: Momma's fiance
EM: Ellie Mae
BC: PSST!?!
MK: Bear?
BC: PSST!
MK: Bear?!
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MK: Bear ...
BC: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Momma?!
{Momma looks around}
MK: Where are you?
BC: Back here! Behind the cat tree!
MK: Why are you back there?
BC: Remember the other night when I ran under here and Ellie'd taken my hiding spot?
MK: Yes.
BC: Well, I'm spending all day here so she doesn't get a chance to steal my hiding spot again.
MK: Is it really worth your entire day to avoid having your teeth brushed?
The Boy: It never works for him ... you always drag him out one way or another - even if you have to do it with your legs flailing around, upside down, and unnaturally contorted.
BC: Whatever. I wasn't talking to you. ANYWAY, I need help.
MK: Excuse me?! MY help?
BC: Well, I mean, you're not COMPLETELY useless.
MK: Great. Let me guess ... you want me to help you own a tasty whole chicken farm, a bazooka, and a tank.
BC: No.
{Pause}
BC: Well, I mean YES. But those things aren't on my mind at the moment.
MK: That's encouraging.
BC: Yeah. Whatever. Turning my spaceship into a tank made me think of all the ways I can limp out my spaceship.
MK: Limp?
BC: {sigh} I guess I should've known.
MK: What?!
BC: You aren't the kind of cool kid who has the 911 on limping out one's ride!
MK: 411?
BC: Who's one-one?
MK: WHAT?!?
BC: You said "for one-one!" What's for one-one? My limped out ride?
MK: PIMPED out ride, Bear.
BC: Well, EXCUSE ME if I'm not up on what the uncool kids call it.
MK: Cool kids ... non-cool kids ... it's still PIMPING out one's ride.
BC: Then, I want to be a pimp.
MK: Pimp is just slang ... a person who pimps out their ride isn't a pimp.
BC: One's pimping, but they're not a pimp? You humans make no sense!
MK: I should know better.
BC: You say that a lot while I'm around.
The Boy: You can't get a single euphemism, sarcasm, or slang word right. "Limping" out your ride?! "911?" You pretend to know everything but only nonsense comes out of your mouth.
BC: Better to pretend I know everything than to actually know nothing - like you!
The Boy: You're lucky your Momma loves you.
BC: That's not luck. That's my ... BIRD!
The Boy: What?
BC: I saw a bird outside! This corner is the best bird watching in the entire house!
The Boy: You were saying something's not luck ... it's your????
BC: Due!
The Boy: I wouldn't put up with your Bear-ness.
BC: You can't bear my bear-ness?
MK: ANYWAY! What kind of pimping have you considered?
BC: A tortie, some gingers ... and I get to sample the merchandise ...
{Bear stops talking when he sees the look on Momma's face}
BC: Umm ... you meant pimping in terms of my ride.
MK: Isn't that what we were talking about?
BC: I don't know ... beats me. I don't exactly listen to you. But back to business, I mean, it's hard to beat that tank ...
{Pause}
BC: {laying out the plans} But I have some pretty fascinating ideas. For one ... I was thinking a cluck-mobile.
MK: A WHAT?!
BC: A chicken chasing car.
MK: "CHIX CHASR?"
BC: Vanity license plate. It's worth the extra couple dollars.
MK: Which you got from where exactly?
BC: Err ... that's what a friend said. You know, one of those rascally cats who's always misbehaving, not following directions, and being downright obnoxious. Lucky for you, I have proper respect for authority.
MK: Proper authority?
BC: Phht. Me.
The Boy: Why am I NOT surprised?!
BC: Okay. So I guess you DO know something ... and since it's about me, that will look upon you favorably when the quarterly reviews are written.
The Boy: Quarterly reviews?
BC: {sigh} I guess I should know it couldn't last.
The Boy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HEY!
BC: It wasn't me! My fangs are over here.
The Boy: Your Momma grabbed my butt!
BC: EWW! The image ... EWWWWW!
The Boy: She man-handled me!
BC: Hmph. Now you know what it was like for me every time Momma cried over you and she got all grabby! Her middle-name is "manhandler!"
EM: {walking into the room} Meow m'ow.
BC: Oh GREAT! Trouble's here!
EM: Bear?! Where are you?
BC: It's classified! Don't attempt to look for ...
EM: Are you in the cat tree corner?
BC: RATS!
EM: You don't usually hang out under there ... what are you up to?
BC: It's classified.
EM: Spending all day under there so you're there first when it comes to torture time?
BC: How did you ... you couldn't know ... that's just freaky!
EM: You're predictable.
BC: {GASP} Take it back!
EM: No.
BC: I'm telling you ... if you don't take back calling me predictable, you'll be sorry. I'm a CAT! I keep everyone on their toes.
EM: You wouldn't know how to cat if your life depended on it. You only know how to shark!
BC: It's funny you say that ... {laying out the plans} ... I have a plan for a shark-barque too!
EM: Of all the ridiculous ... you couldn't get any MORE ridiculous if you tried!
BC: I also know how to Male Princess! So I made plans for a princess carriage too!
EM: I spoke too soon!
BC: Who's predictable now?!?
EM: Might as well predict some pain in your future.
BC: Yeah. A pain-in-the-butt!
EM: SHUT UP!
BC: YOU shut up! Or I'll MAKE you sorry!
EM: How are you going to make me sorry when you won't move out of the corner?
{Silence}
BC: RATS!!!
EM: So you're not leaving the corner for any reason?
BC: No.
EM: Good. Because the kibble tastes especially good today and I want to eat the whole bowl myself. And the second bowl too.
BC: Wait ... you can't ... MY bowl ... HUH?! What's that smell?
EM: I pooped a stinky poop in the non-stinky poop side of the litter box!
BC: YOU DID WHAT?!?
EM: I pooped a stinky poop in the non-stinky poop side.
BC: Why would you do that?
EM: I felt like it.
BC: Go back and move it to the stinky poop side!
EM: Make me.
BC: Oh, this REALLY just chaps my stripe-y pants! I can't beat you up because I can't leave this corner and now the litter box is ruined until Momma cleans the box and replaces all the litter in the box.
EM: Phht. You couldn't beat me up even if you COULD come out of the corner!
BC: That's it! I'm going to totally teach you a lesson! No one messes with Bear Cat Kat and gets away with it!
{Pause}
BC: Prepare to die. Because a whole world of furry fury is coming your way ... later.
EM: Says the cat hiding in the corner because he doesn't want Momma to brush his teeth.
BC: I'm back here for FIFTEEN minutes and the neighborhood's already destroyed! Have I ever told you JUST how much I hate you?
EM: I hate you more!
MK: {looking through Bear's plans} I like this one! That bumper sticker is awesome!
BC: I love torties! And ...
MK: You have exquisite taste, Bear.
EM: HIM?!? Taste?!? In butts maybe! Totally unappreciated taste in butts too!
BC: I only lick your butt to make sure you're not getting any food I'm not getting. Can you say SMELLIE butt?!
{Pause}
BC: But really ... I love ginger girls ... and black girls ... well, except for Smellie ... just call me a ladies' man!
EM: Note to lady cats ... RUN!
BC: Be careful, Smellie. My tank is only in storage ... if somecat - or person for that matter - needs some sense knocked into them ...
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm ... on second thought ... the cluck-mobile, my shark-barque, the princess carriage will have to wait because I need to keep the tank. Too much irreverence and witchiness around here. A stupid sister who ruins everything ... a grabby Momma ... an annoying Boy who always puts his nose where it doesn't belong ... yep. The tank is the way to go.
EM: A pink gun?! What does it shoot? Cotton candy? Rainbows?
BC: Why would it shoot anything?
EM: Why would you put a gun on your tank if it doesn't fire?!!
BC: For aesthetics. Much more intimidating that way.
EM: Or it makes up for a shortcoming in another department?
BC: Phht. There aren't ANY shortcomings in my departments ... except for the sister department.
EM: So Momma's fine?
BC: She's my Momma! What are you trying to say?
EM: You were talking about shortcomings ... usually you complain about Momma!
BC: HEY! I can complain about Momma, but no one else can! I love my Momma. Give her the proper respect!
{Bear exits the cat tree corner}
EM: You came out!
BC: Some things are worth losing your hiding spot for ... like Mommas! Her lap is lonely. I can tell!
MK: I love you, Bear.
{Bear jumps in Momma's lap}
BC: I love you too, Momma. PUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ...
{Pause}
BC: But ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... don't get any ... PURR ... ideas. The tank ... PURR ... isn't tanked ... PURR ... it's just ... PURR ... in storage.
MK: I'll keep that in mind.
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... Good! ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
EM: {to The Boy} And they make fun of us!
Featured posts:
- Ellie stole Bear's hiding spot and Bear debuted his tank in ...TANK you very much!
- If you missed the introduction of Bear's spaceship ... We need a spaceship.
- Bear is VERY serious about his pooping/covering flow chart ... Poopetiquette.
Bear, those photos were terrific and I really like the Royal you and your crown!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteOh my stars, Bear! I don't know who looks better in a crown; you or Lexy!
ReplyDeleteI need a queen ... ~Bear Cat
DeleteWow, Bear, you could keep your tank and carry chickens in it too. And if you put a chicken bazooka on the tank, then it would be even scarier.
ReplyDeleteMomma tells me the baby chicks are too adorable to be scary. I think she just wants to ruin my plan! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, you are just a big bunch of goo for your momma!
ReplyDeleteHMPH. I prefer the term "Momma's boy." ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear....you are rockin' that tiara today...you know real men do wear tiaras!!
ReplyDeleteHugs madi your bfff
PS tell Momma Kat I thank her for her kind comments on my tail. I do spend extra time grooming it.
They totally do! One much be secure in his masculinity to rock a tiara. #missionaccomplished ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, I must say, your ride has a lot of bling. SWEET. Plus, I've heard bling is "in" with the pimps who limp out their rides. PURRS
ReplyDeleteNow I'm confused again! Pimping limping? You should visit, Seville ... I'd let you try all my blinged up creations! ~Bear Cat
Delete
ReplyDeleteYou look most handsome in your tiara, Bear!
Is it starting to become a divided house at your home? ie. Bear cat and his Momma vs. Ellie Mae and her Papa? :p
the critters in the cottage xo
Thank you! Yeah ... sometimes we are a bit divided. The Boy eats it up that he's Ellie's favorite and she adores her Daddy!
DeleteAMARULA: Bear I would ride in your cluck-mobile anytime! Honk! Honk!!
ReplyDeleteHehehehehe. ~Bear Cat
DeleteWhat's with the pimped out ride, Bear?
ReplyDeleteYou understand ... when one is stunning ... one deserves a ride with STYLE :) ~Bear Cat
DeletePssst, Bear, true nobility doesn’t do ‘pimp’ what you need is quiet understatement, like a Bentley or a Rolls. Then if you need your teeth doing, your batman or valet can have his teeth done instead of you. Now who do you think would best suit?
ReplyDeleteToodle pips
ERin
You gave me a lot to think about, Erin! I should know that for expert princess advice ... ask you! ~Bear Cat
DeleteHey, a male Princess must have a stylish ride !
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY! You know me :) ~Bear Cat
DeleteYou look beautiful with that tiara, Bear ! Purrs
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteWhether you limp it or pimp it, your spaceship looks wonderful as a Princess carriage.
ReplyDeleteI agree! And it goes with my tiara! ~Bear Cat
DeleteAw, Bear, your love for your mamma is second to none!
ReplyDeleteI can't decide which pimped out tank I like best. I'm leaning toward the carriage or the I Love Torties. :)
So many good choices ... ~Bear Cat
DeleteWonderful rides you have there... I especially like the JawsMobile. Wouldn't all of them be terrific in a parade? You only need to get 3 or 4 more cats.
ReplyDeletexxoo
Maggie, Mickey Mouser, and Rufus the Red
Parade?!? Like to a tasty whole chicken farm? I'd get on board with that! ~Bear Cat
DeleteI love what you have done with your sleepy pod :) SO many cool ideas.
ReplyDeleteThe hard part is which to choose! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, we do like how you pimped (er, um ... limped) your ride. It's a ladycat magnet, for sure (just like you)!
ReplyDeleteWoo hoo! Torties ... ALL ladies ... here Bear Cat comes! TOOT TOOT! ~Bear Cat
DeleteI vote for the Jaws Mobile. It suits your purrrsonality.
ReplyDeleteIt's my favorite too! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear! Love what you hae done with your pod...but I'm disappointed that it is not a spaceship...
ReplyDeletePurrs
Marv
I know! Total bummer! At least I had the idea to jazz it up a bit! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, can you teach me how to Male Princess? Please and thank you! Purrs, Evan
ReplyDeleteMale Princesses are born, not made ... and we think you're downright regal when you're sitting in your sunpuddle by the front door! ~Bear Cat
DeleteY Some of those plans are purretty neat Bear. Altho', we did think it was Male princess Buttercup...? We can't wait till you actually take that ride fur a spin. Where do you think you'll go? Ya' know, you could always come and visit us. You could even bring Ellie. What a time we'd have. Big hugs
ReplyDeleteLuv ya'
Dezi and Raena
I'd you ladies for a ride! ~Bear Cat
DeleteAwwww...no matter what, we love that you always love on your Momma in the end, Bear!!
ReplyDeleteShe's alright :) ~Bear Cat
DeleteSo Bear...could you pimp out my Mazda? 🚗
ReplyDeleteLet me practice on Momma's first! ~Bear Cat
DeleteWho knew that sleepy pods could be so pimped out? Although the I Love Torties sticker kind of makes you look like a softie, Bear. (Ellie, I don't mean softie like fat. Like emotional softie. Don't try and twist my words around against Bear. Or do.)
ReplyDeleteI have a weakness for torties. Who can blame me? ~Bear Cat
DeleteWow Bear! I can't decide which of your "limped" rides I like best! You have so-o many now! But, your Royal Shakiness, if I had to choose I would say the shark. But maybe you could combine it with the tank and then you would have a Shark Tank! Tee hee hee. Paw high fives!
ReplyDeleteI love it! Shark tank! Stay tuned :) ~Bear Cat
Delete