BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie MaeThe Boy: Momma's fiance
MK: Momma Kat
BC: 🎶 Happy Birthday to me 🎶 ... 🎶 Happy Birthday to me 🎶! 🎶 Happy Birthday bad-@$$ shark, 🎶 🎶 Happy Birthday to me! 🎶🎶
EM: Oh, shut up.
BC: MAKE me!EM: I'd love to beat you up again.
BC: THAT NEVER HAPPENED!
EM: You cried to Momma to rescue you.
BC: I did not!
EM: Admit it! You're just a Momma's boy!
BC: NO!
{Pause}
BC: Err ... maybe a little?! I love my Momma and I'm NOT ashamed!
EM: And you call me a suck up!
BC: You run from one lap to the other ALL. DAY. LONG. And you never bite them except for those mushy love bites!
EM: Just because we have fangs doesn't mean we should use them to terrorize humans.
BC: What ELSE would we use them for? Biting little sisters?
EM: Very funny. But I'm not scared of you!
BC: HEY! It's my birthday! You have to be nice to me.
EM: Fine. {In a monotone} Your stripes don't make your butt look ...
{Ellie cracks up}
EM: Can't even say that with a straight face!
BC: How rude!
EM: You said it was your birthday last week when you wanted first nip at the fresh bowl of kibble!
BC: Don't forget the week before too when I wanted your wet food treat!
EM: OH! And last month when you insisted I give up the kick-stick because it was your birthday.
BC: It's not MY fault you're too stupid to know better!
EM: I'm not too stupid! I just pick my battles. Birthdays are only once a year.
BC: Not when you're Bear Cat or any of his related egos. I mean, stupid humans?! They're lucky we let them celebrate their births once a year. But MOI?!? Male Princess Buttercup "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!" Black Bear Cat of the Forest?!?!
{Pause for the image in Bear's head}
BC: Bear "I'm the shark" Cat?!?! Naaaah NAH. Naaaah NAH. N-AH N-AH N-AH.
{Pause for the image in Bear's head}
BC: Captain Stripe-y Pants NOT at your service! 🎶 M'ow mo'w MO'W! 🎶
{Pause for the image in Bear's head}
BC: Bear, the tasty whole chicken farmer ...
{Pause for the images in Bear's head}
EM: Bear, you don't have any chickens ... much less a farm.
BC: Just rub it in, why don't you?! I KNOW that!
EM: You're an aspiring chicken farmer.
BC: I'm not dying! I dare you to try.
EM: What?
BC: You said I was an expiring chicken farmer. You were THREATENING me!
EM: I wasn't threaten ...
BC: MOMMA! Ellie's threatening to kill me!
EM: Yesterday, it was the hand vacuum that you claimed antagonized you. The day before ... a roll of paper towels!
BC: You never see the danger until it's too late!
The Boy: Some of us are trying to work around here! I'LL kill you if you don't zip it!
BC: I'm telling my Momma on all you!
EM: Momma's boy!
BC: Barn Turtle.
EM: Excuse me?
BC: A turtle carries his home on his back ... you're so fat, it's not home-sized but more barn-sized.
EM: At least I'm not a chicken!
BC: Oh, but you ARE foul, Smellie Mae!
EM: Take it back or else!
BC: MOMMA! HELP!
{Silence}
EM: Momma's in the shower. She's not going to protect you.
BC: Is THAT what that sound is?!? I thought a squirrel was farting as he died a brutal and very painful death.
EM: Daddy says her singing isn't THAT bad.
BC: You know what they say.
EM: What? Bear's a pain in the butt?
BC: NO! Well, I mean, they DO say that ...
EM: That you're adorable ... when you're asleep.
BC: {looking around} Wait a ... who says that?!
EM: No one.
BC: Ah. The Boy. Get it?! He's no one ...
{Pause}
BC: But ANY way ... they say love is blind ... in this case, I think it's probably deaf too. He's lucky he doesn't have sensitive ears.
EM: NO PART of you is sensitive!
BC: HEY! I'm 110% masculine ... overflowing with virility ...
EM: And yet, you claim to be a princess.
BC: MALE princess. You can be 100% male and still be a princess.
EM: NO. That makes you a prince!
BC: I'm just complex. Multi-dimensional. I'm a pretty princess, but I'm also more than most ladies can handle.
EM: I handle you just fine.
BC: Because you're not a lady.
EM: HEY!
BC: Anyway, I'm so special, my birth is celebrated EVERY day!
EM: "Special" is one word for it.
BC: Handsome ... virile ... distinguished ... resourceful ... tenacious ...
EM: Ornery, intractable, demanding, cantankerous, obtuse ...
BC: I'm not going to quibble over semantics. TOE-MAY-TOE ... TOE-MAH-TOE.
EM: You're full of ... stuff that ripens in the litter box! You make me want to bury you in a sand box.
BC: Last week, Momma told you to be nice to me because it was my birthday!
EM: No. I got grounded because I put a "wide load" sign - with flags - on your butt. You ran around here like a chicken with its head cut off - bouncing off walls and furniture - screaming that you were dying.
BC: That's a LITTLE dramatic, don't you think? I don't know that I was SCREAMING ...
EM: Sure sounded like it to me ...
BC: You get something stuck to your butt and then tell me I'm being crazy!
EM: I never said you were BEING crazy ... you're always a few marbles short of a jar.
BC: You're in an awfully female-doggish mood today.
EM: I'd rather be a female dog than a horse's behind!
BC: Your name is Smellie Neigh. Seems like you would be both.
EM: My name is ELLIE MAE!!! Stop calling me Smellie Neigh or next time, I'll shove the sign and flags up your butt.
BC: I'm going to tell Momma you're being mean to me even though she told you to be nice.
EM: I'm just not supposed to call you fat.
BC: You got that ...
EM: But Momma said nothing about implying it.
BC: HEY!
EM: Besides, fat doesn't really describe you.
BC: That's what I THOUGHT!
EM: Corpulent is more accurate.
BC: You know, you're REALLY not nice.
EM: I learn quick.
BC: You mean you had a brilliant teacher.
EM: Phht. More like an example of what NOT to do.
BC: Don't get any ideas ... it's not your birthday every day.
EM: That's not fair! Your birthday gets to be every day!
BC: Hmph. In the eleven years Momma's had me, we haven't celebrated my birthday even once! I'm just trying to make up for years of non-Bear worship.
EM: You ALWAYS get your way! Every day is Worship Bear Day!
BC: So you noticed?
EM: What?!
BC: It's like my birthday every day anyway!
EM: Shut up!
BC: NO! YOU shut up!
EM: You started it!
BC: I did not!
EM: You're a jerk.
BC: You're NOT a lady!
EM: Take it back!
BC: NOT a lady!
EM: {running to Bear and knocking him over} Apologize.
BC: WHY?!?! You just proved my point!
MK: {walking into the room} What's going on?!?! What's all this racket?!
BC: Ellie's being mean to me!
EM: You started it!
BC: I did not!
EM: Yes, you did! You used the "it's my birthday" card! AGAIN.
MK: Ummm ... actually, I think it probably is around his birthday.
BC: HA! I told you!
MK: Since I found Bear on the street, I don't know when he was born ... when I adopted him, the vet estimated he was eight months old - so his file says his birthday is February 12.
EM: Does that mean I have to be nice to him?!
BC: YES! Tell her she must be nice to me!
MK: You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
EM: Flies?! Who said anything about flies?!? And why would I want to catch them anyway?!?! They taste horrible!
BC: Something we agree on. I don't mind pulling them out of the air ... but to eat one? That'd be even worse than Momma's cooking!
EM: SEE?!?! He's mean! Why should I be nice to ...
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
EM: WHAT?!?!
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... WHAT?!?! PUUURRRRRR. You've never PURRRRRRR ... seen a cat ... PUUURRRRRR ... on a lap before?
EM: {running to Bear and knocking him over} Apologize.
BC: WHY?!?! You just proved my point!
MK: {walking into the room} What's going on?!?! What's all this racket?!
BC: Ellie's being mean to me!
EM: You started it!
BC: I did not!
EM: Yes, you did! You used the "it's my birthday" card! AGAIN.
MK: Ummm ... actually, I think it probably is around his birthday.
BC: HA! I told you!
MK: Since I found Bear on the street, I don't know when he was born ... when I adopted him, the vet estimated he was eight months old - so his file says his birthday is February 12.
EM: Does that mean I have to be nice to him?!
BC: YES! Tell her she must be nice to me!
MK: You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.
EM: Flies?! Who said anything about flies?!? And why would I want to catch them anyway?!?! They taste horrible!
BC: Something we agree on. I don't mind pulling them out of the air ... but to eat one? That'd be even worse than Momma's cooking!
EM: SEE?!?! He's mean! Why should I be nice to ...
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
EM: WHAT?!?!
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... WHAT?!?! PUUURRRRRR. You've never PURRRRRRR ... seen a cat ... PUUURRRRRR ... on a lap before?
EM: How do you go from one extreme to the other ...
BC: In less than ... PUUURRRRRRR ... ten seconds?
EM: YEAH!
BC: Skill. Practice. PUUURRRRRRR ... And I love my Momma. I mean, I still like to bite her sometimes ... but I usually love her ... PURRRRRRR ... more than I want to bite her. PUURRRRRRR ... Maybe one day you too ...
{The Boy walks into the room}
BC: I'm the shark!
The Boy: Huh?
{The Boy sees the look on Bear's face}
The Boy: Uh oh!
{The Boy runs down the hall with Bear on his heels}
EM: When's Daddy's birthday?! Because I really think he could use that "be nice to the birthday boy" thing. Bear clearly enjoys biting him more than he loves him.
BC: In less than ... PUUURRRRRRR ... ten seconds?
EM: YEAH!
BC: Skill. Practice. PUUURRRRRRR ... And I love my Momma. I mean, I still like to bite her sometimes ... but I usually love her ... PURRRRRRR ... more than I want to bite her. PUURRRRRRR ... Maybe one day you too ...
{The Boy walks into the room}
BC: I'm the shark!
The Boy: Huh?
{The Boy sees the look on Bear's face}
The Boy: Uh oh!
{The Boy runs down the hall with Bear on his heels}
EM: When's Daddy's birthday?! Because I really think he could use that "be nice to the birthday boy" thing. Bear clearly enjoys biting him more than he loves him.
Featured posts:
- You may read more about Princess Buttercup in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 22 ("On tiaras," part 1 and part 2) and The pirate princess.
- You may find Bear's game of, "I'm the shark," and Bear as a shark explained in ... I'm the shark and The chicken. Since that time, The Boy has borne the brunt of Bear "THE JAWS" Cat ... Bear Cat originals and No Boys Allowed!
- To read more about Captain Stripe-y Pants ... On a scale of one to ten.
- To read about Bear's chicken obsession ... TMC ISO TWC.
- You may view Ellie's opinion of Bear being a chicken farmer in ... THE CHANGE.
- Bear's claimed to be pretty several times ... I'd rather be a pretty girl! and Tiger's Pride.
- Bear's complained about Momma's singing before ... Imitation: the sincerest form of flattery and Younger siblings SUCK!
- To read about Bear's adoption ...
Umm, Happy Birthday? I lost track Bear, how many is this. ;) I hope you get lots of chicken and tortie ladycats for your birthday.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm twelve! I get a chicken and a tortie for each year, right? ~Bear Cat
DeleteYou know, that tiara really rocks. Wear it with pride, BC.
ReplyDeleteAnd it looks so good on me too! ~Bear Cat
DeleteHappy Birthday from all of us Bear, have lots of tasty whole chickens to celebrate!
ReplyDeleteHey ... works for me! And thank you! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, the idea of you taking care of a bunch of baby chicks is absolutely terrifying. Happy birthday, Bear and all of your associated egos! Paisley sends kisses :)
ReplyDeleteBaby chicks everywhere are not safe when Bear Cat is on the prowl. Or something like that! ~Bear Cat
DeleteHappy Birthday/Worship Day Bear! We are not quite certain how MK has put up with you for 11 years. EM, we absolutely love your wide load sign. We know a couple of kitties who could use that around here. You always crack us up. Thanks! XOCK, angel Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, Cooper Murphy and Sawyer
ReplyDeleteThank you! We're so glad we bring light to your day :) Hearing that keeps us going!
DeleteHappy Birthday, Bear!
ReplyDeletePurrs xx
Athena and Marie
Thank you, Athena and Marie!
DeleteAnother birthday? Okay, Happy Worship Bear Birthday day. Again. We're just glad you didn't pull out the, "I'm not fat. I'm big-boned" counter argument (we have to hear that from our sister Pia All. The. Time.).
ReplyDeleteI AM fluffy ... ~Bear Cat
DeletehAPPY hAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAR. You are king for a day and may all your subjects remember to bow in your presence
ReplyDeleteHugs madi your bfff
Ummm ... just a day?!?! That's all muffed up! ~Bear Cat
Deleteps - Thank you!
AMARULA: Haaaaaaaaaaaappyyyyyyyy Biiiiiiiiirthdaaaaaaay Bear!! What a glorious day! I am putting this day in my calendar and demanding that the human get me some tuna or some such to celebrate such an auspicious day! Every day should indeed be your day!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I should send you a calendar with my picture accompanying each month! Share the tuna?! ~Bear Cat
DeleteOh Bear...do you bite your hoomins because they taste good? Happy Sorta Birthday, big guy!
ReplyDeleteMomma tastes OKAY .... but hearing The Boy squeal is the best part of biting him ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteGASP! Bear, I can't believe Ellie made that crack about not biting. It's … it's just wrong. Ceiling Cat gave us sharp teeth and claws and if we don't use 'em, we gonna lose 'em. Happy Birthday, Bear! SMOOCHIE!
ReplyDeleteI knew that of everyone YOU would understand, CK. Biters keep on biting! ~Bear Cat
DeleteOoh I say, Bear, you are lucky, I only get two birthdays, the official one and my real one. Of course I also get public holidays too and weekends off, so maybe that isn’t too bad. Now you’d have thought Ellie would know better than to question a princesses weight, especially around birthdays when we are allowed the odd dozen doughnuts and choc bars and cookies! Comfort food and winter warming layer. Mol
ReplyDeleteToodle pips
Erin
I wonder if the benefits at your new job will be better or worse?! I mean, a HUGE cheddar a month would be pretty cool! ~Bear Cat
Deleteps - would you have to pay income taxes on cheese?
Alas I have to take my payment in kind... mouse kind. The new job doesn't really pay much (nothing in reality) so I have to make do most days unless theres a state visit in which case I get an allowance. Hmm so far as I know, cheeses is deductible, well I keep deducting bites of it and my tax burden has gone down... mind you my scales burden has gone up!
DeleteToodle pips
ERin
Happy birthday, Bear!!! *cue Mudpie hopping out of the birthday cake*
ReplyDeleteSCORE! That's the best present EVER! ~Bear Cat
DeleteMOL! That wide load sign on Bear’s butt is funny! We should try that. Happy Birthday, Bear!
ReplyDeleteMomma cracks herself up too ... not so much the rest of us. Thank you! ~Bear Cat
Deletehahaha...we got many chuckles. I can't imagine eating flies with vinegar on them....yuck. Try the honey on them next time. Oh and I say there ole chap you might have a Jekyl/Hyde personality with that change in your personality. Ellie Mae you are velvety smooth looking in that panther coat of yours.
ReplyDeleteShoko
I am pretty! Just like Kali! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteHappy Birthday, Bear! We think! You might go easy on the playing the birthday card thing, you know what they say about the cat - or Bear - who cried wolf! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you ... I think ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteAll Hail King Bear!!!
ReplyDeleteI shall sing you the song in Persian as I am Persian!!!
بسیاری از خواسته های خوب
Many Good Wishes
تولد تولد تولدت مبارک
تولد تولد تولدت مبارک
بیا شمع ها را فوت کن
که صد سال زنده باشی
Mommy says I should give you the wishes in English...
Birthday birthday, happy birthday
come blow out the candles
so that you will live 100 years
Purrs
Marv
Thank you, Marv! That is really cool. And you claim you're not interesting! ~Bear Cat
DeleteHappy belated Birthday, Bear ! We hope you had a wonderful day filled with roasted chickens and cuddles. Purrs
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like heaven! Thank you! ~Bear Cat
DeleteHAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEW BEAR!!!!
ReplyDeleteWOOOO HOOOO PAWTY ON DUDE!!!! And where's the nip bar and any roasted chicken noms left???!!! MOL MOL MOL
Bestest purrs
Basil & Co xox
Thank you, Basil and the B-Team! I have a feeling if there was a nip bar and roasted chicken ... Ellie ate/used it all before I even knew it was there! ~Bear Cat
DeleteHappy Happy Belated Birthday Bear!!!!! But...isn't EVERYDAY "Worship Bear Day"? xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody
ReplyDeleteYep. Pretty much. ~Bear Cat
Delete•♪ღ♪ Happy ★ [belated] Birthday, Bear ☆♪ღ♪*• Hope your day was grand! 😸
ReplyDeleteThank you! Which one? ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteHappy birthday, Bear. Hope you have a peaceful day, perhaps a solitary one with no teasing?
ReplyDeleteThank you! They can dream ... ~Bear Cat
DeleteHappy birthday, Bear! We hope you got at least SOME tasty whole chickens. Didja?
ReplyDeleteNO! I'm SCREWED! ~Bear Cat
DeleteSorry I am so late. Happy Belated Birthday Bear! Every day should be worship Bear day. And you do not have a big butt, you just have your thick winter coat on right now. XO
ReplyDeleteThank you! I agree with everything you said ... especially the thick winter coat ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteI hope EVERYONE was nice to you on your birthday (you know who I'm getting at.....)!
ReplyDeleteNo, they weren't ... but don't worry, they are paying for it! ~Bear Cat
DeletePawkisses for a Happy Birthday, dear BearCat and 12 Extra for the Occasion :) <3
ReplyDeleteThank you, Binky!
DeleteHappy birthday Bear! I hope you got a big parcel of tasty whole chickens!
ReplyDeleteThank you! ME TOO! ~Bear Cat
DeleteI'm pretty sure that Worship Bear Day is every day over there...Sorry about that Ellie!!! And Happy Birthday, Bear!
ReplyDeleteThank you! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, don't let anypawdy stop you from celebrating your birthday every day of the year! BTW, I love your props and visuals to get across your points! Very effective! "A Very Purry Birthday... Every Day... TO YOU - that's who!" Kisses!
ReplyDelete(Dezi and Raena look at mommy and stare) Well, Hmmmmpht We can't believe we missed ya'll's birthdays. Things had better settle down here soon or else. Happy birthday Bear and Happy belated birthday Ellie. We know your days were purrfect cuz ya'll are purrfect. Ya' now, we celebrate all month long, so here's to a pawsum month. Big hugs
ReplyDeleteLuv ya'
Dezi and Raena
Thank you :) Ellie's birthday isn't until June though! Just one thing NOT to look forward to! ~Bear Cat
Delete