The Boy: Momma's fiance
BC: Bear Cat
EM: Ellie Mae
MK: Don't forget tomorrow ...
{Pause}
MK: {running toward the bed} NO! WAIT! Don't lay down!
The Boy: What?
MK: Some kitty barfed near your pillow.
BC: {from the other room - under his breath} RATS! Some days are better than others. You'd think with all the practice I've had, my aim would be better and I'd have hit the stupid pillow. Then The Boy doesn't even lay in the barfage ... that just REALLY blows chunks!
MK: BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: You just said ...
BC: Sheesh! Are you a cat?! Now you have ears in the back of your head too?!?
MK: Still, you said ...
BC: I didn't say a word. You must've heard Smellie talking.
MK: Smellie ... I mean, ELLIE doesn't barf on our bed.
BC: Phht. She sucks. She probably couldn't even hit the broad side of a barn.
{Pause}
MK: Well, then maybe you can explain how barf ended up near The Boy's pillow.
BC: No.
MK: No, you can't explain?
BC: Phht. Don't be ridiculous. You don't have to be a genius to figure out the barfage is revenge. I mean, I didn't do it ... but if I had ... that's why!
MK: You're so convincing. This is the SECOND time this week you barfed in our bed.
BC: No, I didn't!
MK: Ummm ... YEAH. You did. I saw you barf the first time. If I hadn't nudged you, you'd have thrown up on me.
BC: I didn't do it ...
EM: You admitted as much the other day! Remember this picture? You barfed in MY territory!
BC: You all are just ganging up on me! I didn't say it ... I didn't do anything!
The Boy: AHA! Kind of a strange way to admit it ... but it's true. You take a sleep break from eating ... and a poop break from sleeping.
BC: Oh, yeah. Hardy har har. Next time I'll be sure NOT to miss your pillow.
The Boy: AHA!
BC: What are you? Some kind of spastic detective with a bit too much time on his hands and no ability to figure things out himself so he's overjoyed when the perpetrator confesses?
MK: Bear ...
BC: Wait ... wait! Time for an earth-shattering revelation in your world! That black fur all over the place?!? It came from Smellie.
The Boy: Is this about the other night?
BC: {mimicking} Is this about the other ...
{Pause}
BC: YOU TRIED TO EAT ME! You said you'd huff and puff and blow my house down!
The Boy: YOU BARFED ON MY PILLOW!
BC: Well, TECHNICALLY, I barfed NEXT to your pillow ... not ACTUALLY on your pillow. I WAS aiming for your pillow ... but c'est la bee.
The Boy: Vie?
BC: Vee what? Don't change the subject!
The Boy: C'est la vie. You act like you know everything, but you can't even get the term right!
BC: VIE! That's what I said.
The Boy: No. It's not.
BC: "Well, TECHNICALLY, I barfed NEXT to your pillow ... not ACTUALLY on your pillow. I WAS aiming for your pillow ... but c'est la vie."
The Boy: AHA! You admitted it!
BC: NO! I said c'est la vie!
The Boy: NO! You admitted barfing near my pillow.
BC: No, I di ... RATS! Maybe YOU should admit to trying to eat me! There's no shame in admitting the appeal of my luscious loins.
The Boy: Bear, you were dreaming.
BC: Phht. No. A DREAM involves torties and bazookas and skunks and crab cakes and tanks and tasty whole chickens and tuna and more torties ...
The Boy: Bear, what you dreamed about didn't happen.
BC: Phht. That's just an excuse. I don't take that kind of disrespect ... even from my own dreams.
The Boy: But I didn't ...
BC: I don't take that kind of disrespect even when it doesn't happen.
The Boy: Excuse me?
BC: I. don't. take. that. kind. of. disrespect ...
The Boy: NO! I heard you ... but that makes no sense!
BC: I don't take disrespect sleeping, awake, for real, or theoretically. I am Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest!
The Boy: Just when I thought you couldn't make any less sense, you tote out the male princess bit. Am I dreaming? Because this can't be real.
BC: As real as a heart attack.
The Boy: Bear, I'm not the big bad wolf!
BC: {GASP} How did you know I dreamed you were the big bad wolf? I never told you! It REALLY HAPPENED!
The Boy: Wait a ...
BC: IT. REALLY. HAPPENED!
The Boy: NO! You said I said I'd huff and puff and blow your house down ... that's the big bad wolf!
BC: Sheesh. Do you really have to label the poor wolf and mock his weight? Wolves have feelings too, you know!
The Boy: Now you're ...
BC: I bet the poor wolf is just misunderstood. Complex. Multi-dimensional. Heck, I'd want to huff and puff and blow your house down if you called me the big bad wolf! Get some feelings!
The Boy: Just when I thought this conversation couldn't get any weirder ... you sympathize with the wolf.
BC: The whole thing is biased. Three little pigs? Have you ever seen three little pigs? I think not. Why aren't the pigs big? Three big pigs. It even rhymes! It's discrimination.
The Boy: You thought the wolf in your dream would eat you ... but you don't think he's bad?
BC: Phht. YOU'RE bad. The wolf? Not so much. You just im-wolf-ated a wolf. You give wolves a bad name.
The Boy: WHAT?! Im what?
BC: If you were acting like a human ... you impersonate ... for a wolf, it would be im-wolf-ate.
The Boy: Conversations with you are so ... enlightening. You didn't seem to mind me so much earlier last night when you jumped on my lap ...
BC: I don't know what you're talking about. You must've been dreaming.
The Boy: Nope it was real. And I have pictures.
BC: Framed. AGAIN. And that's only ONE picture! You said pictures with an 's.'
The Boy: What about these?
BC: HMPH. Look how annoyed I look in the last one! You catnapped me and then got a picture ...
EM: NO! You jumped up there by yourself and only got irritated when I came out to lay on my Daddy's lap. YOU sat in my Daddy's lap and it wasn't available when I wanted it! I had to wait in line.
BC: Shut up, Smellie! You ruin EVERYTHING! I never asked you!
EM: No ... but you did barf in my territory on the bed the other night ... so revenge is sweet.The Boy: {changing the subject} You don't recall these? Admit it ... you kind of like me!
BC: You tricked me! I thought it was Momma under the blanket.
The Boy: Uh huh.
BC: Oh, what do YOU know?!?!?!
The Boy: You mean you didn't mean to snuggle with me?
Featured posts:
BC: You tricked me! I thought it was Momma under the blanket.
The Boy: Uh huh.
BC: Oh, what do YOU know?!?!?!
The Boy: You mean you didn't mean to snuggle with me?
BC: Phht. In your dreams.
The Boy: In my dreams you remind me of the big bad wolf.
BC: Phht. I think of myself more as the shark!
{Pause}
BC: Naaaah NAH. Naaaah NAH. N-AH N-AH N-AH ... I'm the SHARK!
The Boy: Uh oh.
{The Boy runs and closes himself in the bathroom}
BC: That's right! I'll HUFF and PUFF and BLOW this door down!
{Pause}
BC: Wait a ... do you have tasty whole chickens in there?!? You DO, DON'T you!? LET. ME. IN!!
{Silence}
BC: I know you're in there! With MY chickens!
EM: Phht. Chickens don't just magically appear behind a closed door, Bear.
BC: So now you're the chicken expert?! I think NOT.
EM: The Boy ran in there because you were going to bite him!
BC: No, I was ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS! I can't even say that with a straight face.
The Boy: {from the other side of the closed door} I just want to go to bed!
BC: Hmm ... that might not be a bad idea ... Momma?!? Did you clean up the barf spot?
MK: Don't you dare!
{Bear takes off}
MK: BEAR!
EM: What's he ...
The Boy: {from the other side of the door} Is it safe to come ...
BC: MY bed.
{Ellie hops up on the bed}
BC: Move!
EM: NO!
BC: Well. you'd better no talk, sing or snore there! That's a no singing, no talking and no snoring zone!
MK: Well, where do The Boy and I sleep?
BC: NOT my problem.
MK: But you like to cuddle up to me!
BC: Well, yeah. When I come TO YOU. The zones are amendable when I feel like it.
The Boy: He's getting worse.
MK: He's cute ... when he's asleep.
The Boy: Hahahahahahahaha. I want to go to bed.
{Neither cat moves or says a thing}
BC: So now you're the chicken expert?! I think NOT.
EM: The Boy ran in there because you were going to bite him!
BC: No, I was ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS! I can't even say that with a straight face.
The Boy: {from the other side of the closed door} I just want to go to bed!
BC: Hmm ... that might not be a bad idea ... Momma?!? Did you clean up the barf spot?
MK: Don't you dare!
{Bear takes off}
MK: BEAR!
EM: What's he ...
The Boy: {from the other side of the door} Is it safe to come ...
BC: MY bed.
{Ellie hops up on the bed}
BC: Move!
EM: NO!
BC: Well. you'd better no talk, sing or snore there! That's a no singing, no talking and no snoring zone!
MK: Well, where do The Boy and I sleep?
BC: NOT my problem.
MK: But you like to cuddle up to me!
BC: Well, yeah. When I come TO YOU. The zones are amendable when I feel like it.
The Boy: He's getting worse.
MK: He's cute ... when he's asleep.
The Boy: Hahahahahahahaha. I want to go to bed.
{Neither cat moves or says a thing}
The Boy: Great. It's going to be a long night.
Featured posts:
- If you missed what happened last night that necessitated Bear's revenge ... Dweeble Mitigation Zone.
- Bear has a thing for breaking doors down (especially when he thinks tasty whole chickens are on the other side) ...
- To read about Bear breaking down the door to the bathroom while The Boy occupied the bathroom ... This never happened.
- His campaign against the pantry door: Tasty whole fickens.
- Bear vs. the door to Ellie's room: The international chicken incident and Chaos loves company.
- You may find Bear's game of, "I'm the shark," explained in ... I'm the shark and The chicken. Since that time, The Boy has borne the brunt of Bear "THE JAWS" Cat ... Bear Cat originals and No Boys Allowed!
- You can read more about male Princess Buttercup in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 22 ("On tiaras," part 1 and part 2).
Bear, photographic evidence.. that's very hard to argue with, dude.
ReplyDeleteI know. I'm ashamed! ~Bear Cat
DeleteI shared this twice, because the world just can't get enough Ellie Mae. 😄
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU! And we agree!
DeleteIt's wonderful to see you and The Boy together Bear! Hey, don't worry about the pillow thing, the Barf Fairy often pays a visit here too.
ReplyDeleteThe diffusion of responsibility in your house is even better than it is here!
DeleteWe say "Barf Happens" and, unless they do DNA tests, it could be anybuddy's!!
ReplyDeleteThe Florida Furkids
We love "Barf happens!" So true!
DeleteWhy does a sleeping cat seem to weight 1,000 lbs? Sure feels like that, to the human who is either trying to climb into bed, or attempting to move said cat so they can shift their position! Wow!
ReplyDeleteYES! Just last night, I thought I wasn't going to be able to breath when Bear plopped down on my chest. I don't sleep as well without him there ... but he sure knows how to throw his weight around!
DeleteMOL Bear, seriously dude in-wolf-inated - that's so brilliant, mew had us in stitches and we're just loving your map of the bed, dude pure genius fur sure. I wish I'd thought of that before 5 other interlopers came and invaded my silk pillow and surrounding territory, and then the P.A. and dad getting in it too, seriously what's a cat gotta do to have a supurr king bed to himself??? I think we need to start a new campaign #bedsfurcats #BedsfurBasil & #BedsfurBear a total no-share-zone! MOL MOL
ReplyDeleteHappy weekend
Best purrs
Basil & Co xox
Thank you! I'm so thankful I only have one smelly sister! I can't even imagine what you must go through ... especially with that vaguely pornographic tail of Fudge's! I bet his tail takes up an entire bed by itself! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, Pierrot tries to barf in the bed too but the big guys is always quicker. Those pictures of you with the boy are pretty incriminating. The lady loves them. I cracked up on "im-wolf-ated." Heehee.
ReplyDeleteI know. I'm ashamed at the evidence! My Momma doesn't get a chance to move quickly ... I always barf without an audience ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteI love those photos!!! So cute and heart-warming to see Bear coming around to the Boy! AMARULA: Heartwarming!?? She must mean heart burn!! Bear I assume the Boy smelled like chicken-right?? Or are they drugging you! Either way I know you're in charge!!
ReplyDelete"Heart burn." No kidding! I'm so ashamed! Do Boys smell like chicken? You think my Momma mind find one that smells like chicken?!? ~Bear Cat
DeleteEllie seems to be holding her own in Bear's world. Bear seems to be getting close to the boy in soite of Bear's remarks.
ReplyDeleteShoko and Kali
She is holding her own - and I'm so thankful for that!!
DeleteMudpie isn't much of a barfer...yet! I once sat in cat puke on the couch...in shorts...never moved so fast in my life! LOL
ReplyDeleteYes, it's more an accumulated problem. The last couple years have been really tough for Bear. Brushing him seems to help!
DeleteOh Kittens!!! Ya'll need a system like we have. Mommy carries us to bed and puts us in our spots and then crawls in 'round us. Then we snuggle up next to her and after purrayers we all go to sleep. As fur the hurlin', well, sometimes a cat's gotta do what a cat's gotta do. Mommy tries to keep piddle pads on hand, but me just hates fur her to innerfear with me's hur;in' to put a pad unnerneath me. Me will actually move befur horkin' on a pad. MOL Big hugs
ReplyDeleteLuv ya'
Dezi and Raena
My Momma's not fast enough ... and she quit even trying when I ran in the opposite direction when she tried to put something under me ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteVery sweet photos Bear of you, and dare I say, your Dad :)
ReplyDeleteYes. Yes. {sigh}. I know! ~Bear Cat
DeleteYou look really cozy there with your dad, Bear!
ReplyDeletePurrs xx
Athena and Marie
Ugh. I'll NEVER live this down! ~Bear Cat
DeleteYou can't imagine how many times I ask that same question [who's really in charge here anyway?]. 😊
ReplyDeleteHINT: NOT the people others call "owners"
DeleteBear.... you're looking at The Boy like you really love him. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteUgh. I'll NEVER live this down! ~Bear Cat
DeleteOh BC... You appear to be diggin' yourself deeper and deeper. You might wanna consider pleadin' the Fifth. purrs
ReplyDeleteIf I dig deep enough, might I end up in China?!?! Then I'd be through with The Boy and Smellie ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteWe'd say the last photo answers the question your title asked! We can't say we're surprised by that either. :)
ReplyDeleteHehehehehe. ~Bear Cat
DeleteLove the pictures with The Boy. We all knew the answer to the "Who's really in charge around here?!?" Was there really any doubt? Give up humans! Resistance is futile (and no fun).
ReplyDeletexxoo
Maggie, Mickey Mouser, and Rufus the Red
HINT: NOT the people others call "owners"
DeleteOh my God, we love the "zones" in that photo. Too funny!
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
DeleteThose photos are pretty convincing, Bear. Hey! Maybe they've been Photoshopped!
ReplyDeleteI'm innocent! I SWEAR! ~Bear Cat
DeleteHi. I do love a long night. In the movies all the bad things happen, then all the mice get eaten and the girl gets the guy! Maybe, Bear, when you wake up you’ll have smellie? Of course read chickens for mice!
ReplyDeleteToodle pips and purrs
Erin
The humans don't prefer a long night ... but then again, who cares about their preferences!?! ~Bear Cat
DeleteWell, well, well, Bear...you look pretty darn cozy on the Boy there. You're losing your street cred.
ReplyDeleteI feel like I need to break some stuff! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear! You are still the boss!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the purrayers for my Mom's Dad. He reads my blog everyday! He purrticularly likes the Jokes on Thursday. Yes Heart attacks are scary. He is doing a little better and the Drs are hoping he will be well enough so he can have an MRI on Monday so they can come up with a treatment plan. Mom wishes we lived closer to Calgary.
Purrs
Marv and Mom
Thanks, Marv. We'll be thinking of all you <3
Delete