MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Hi ... ladies ... torties ... crab cakes ... once ... twice ... three times ... tortie ... gingers ... I love you ... chickens ... bazookas ... best ... day ... ever ...too good ... true ... heaven?!?
MK: Awwwww. Adorable!
EM: Of course. Aren't I always?
MK: Ummm ... I was talking about Mr. Handsome Stripe-y Pants.
EM: Of course. Aren't I always?
MK: Ummm ... I was talking about Mr. Handsome Stripe-y Pants.
EM: You think THAT'S adorable?!? He's SNORING! If I had to guess, I'd say he's dreaming about an orgy - torties jumping out of crab cakes and a certain ginger girl bazooka-ing tasty whole chickens. And I think he farted a few minutes ago. Let me tell you ... it was even more foul than anything that flows through his depraved mind.
MK: He lives his life with his whole heart - good, bad, or indifferent. No apologies.
EM: Is that a nice way of saying he's obnoxious?
MK: No. He's a good boy and he loves his Momma. I admire his spirit and heart.
EM: Boys are gross. Even when they sleep. Though I guess as long as he's sleeping, I don't have to worry about him licking my butt or sniffing around the carpet from which I just moved. CREEPY!!!
MK: He's a bit ... special.
EM: Have you noticed how peaceful it is around here when he's out cold?
MK: He's my handsome boy.
EM: Boys are gross. Even when they sleep. Though I guess as long as he's sleeping, I don't have to worry about him licking my butt or sniffing around the carpet from which I just moved. CREEPY!!!
MK: He's a bit ... special.
EM: Have you noticed how peaceful it is around here when he's out cold?
MK: He's my handsome boy.
EM: Hmph. There's no accounting for taste, I suppose.
MK: Your Daddy and I love you both.
EM: But I'm Daddy's favorite.
MK: Your Daddy and I love you both.
EM: But I'm Daddy's favorite.
MK: Last night, he made me move just so you could jump on his lap and he could snuggle with you.
EM: I'm a Daddy's girl.
MK: Ooooooooookay.
MK: Ooooooooookay.
{Momma walks out of the room}
EM: Hey, DUMBASS!
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
EM: HEY! You sound like a decrepit wood chipper! NO! A walrus with a head cold! NO! A congested fire-breathing dragon! A bulldozer-driving grizzly bear wielding a chainsaw!
BC: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
EM: MOMMA! TOOTHBRUSH!!!
BC: {jerking awake} HUH?! Where?!? I've gotta get out of ...
{Bear looks around}
BC: {narrowing his eyes} You said that just so I'd wake up!
EM: You snore.
BC: I don't snore. You snore.
EM: I'm a delicate lady.
BC: If by delicate you mean a jumbo steamroller chasing a ticked off hippo.
EM: If you're the ticked off hippo.
BC: Stop calling me fat! I'm just FLUFFY!
EM: You called me fat first!
BC: That's because you ARE fat!
EM: Take it back!
BC: No.
EM: Take it back! Or else!
BC: Or else WHAT?!?! You'll sit on me with your house-sized tuna butt? You'll attack me?!? Ooooh ... somehow I'm NOT scared!
EM: You SHOULD be!
BC: NOT.
EM: Brothers are stupid.
BC: SISTERS are MORE stupid.
EM: Brothers are stupidest!
BC: Sisters are more stupidest.
EM: That makes no sense!
BC: Neither do you!
EM: Yes, I do!
BC: No, you don't!
EM: I HATE YOU!
BC: I hate you MORE!
EM: I hate you the most!
BC: I hate you even more than that!
EM: It's not MY fault you're in a bad mood!
BC: I'm not in a bad mood! But I have every reason to be since you woke me up from my nap!
EM: You nap all day!
BC: Because you're in my face all night! As soon as The Boy gets in bed, you won't leave me alone! And then he thinks I'M the bully! Not that I care what Dweeble Dumber thinks.
EM: If The Boy and I are Dweeble Dumb and Dweeble Dumber and he's Dweeble Dumber, that means I'm Dweeble Dumb?
BC: I guess.
EM: AWWWWW. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me! Momma said you'd come around eventually.
BC: Don't get used to it. Unless you leave me alone.
EM: I just want to play!
BC: My tail isn't a toy!
EM: That means the rest of you is?
BC: JUST. LEAVE. ME. ALONE!!!
EM: Make me!
BC: {starting to walk away} NOT worth my time!
EM: {whapping at Bear} ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!
BC: Stop touching me!
EM: You're touching ME!
BC: Leave me alone!
EM: Leave ME alone!
BC: I am!
EM: No, you're not!
EM: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!
BC: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGG!
{The cats spring at each other}
BC: LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
EM: GO. AWAY!
{The cats roll around on the floor}
MK: {walking into the room} KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO!
{The cats stop at the same time - still intertwined in places}
BC: SHE started it!
EM: NO. HE started it.
BC: Shut up!
EM: You shut up. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGG!
{Ellie attacks Bear}
{The cats roll around the floor tussling and knocking into Momma's chair again and again}
MK: HEY! THAT'S IT!!!
{Both cats run to the cat tree corner and hide}
MK: Oh, nononononononono ... NO! If you two can't co-exist in a room as big as the living room ... you CERTAINLY can't handle being in a small corner together.
{Silence}
MK: I don't care who comes out ... but one of you better come out of that corner.
BC: You go!
EM: NO! YOU go!
BC: YOU!
EM: YOU!
BC: I was here first!
EM: SO?!?
{Ellie whaps Bear}
BC: I'm really tired of ending up with your paw in my face!
{Ellie whacks Bear in the face with her tail}
BC: HEY! Keep that monstrosity to yourself!
EM: My tail isn't a monstrosity! It's long and bushy and BEAUTIFUL!
BC: Whatever you have to tell yourself.
EM: My tail's pretty!
BC: No, it's not.
EM: YES, it is! You're just jealous.
BC: No.
EM: Yes.
BC: I dare you to come closer so I can open my can of whoop-ass furry fury!
MK: FINE! BOTH of you need to come out. You two fight and when I try to break you up, you both run to the same corner of the room! You two are crazy!
{Both cats come out from hiding under the cat tree in the corner}
BC: Can we have treats?
MK: You both had your wet food treat half an hour ago! Remember?!
BC: HMPH. How could I forget having my teeth brushed and my claws clipped?!
MK: You two were better organized this time though in your attempts to avoid both. Instead of both running to the same corner to hide - Bear ran to his window.
BC: SCREWED! I showed Smellie that hiding spot to begin with!!! I told her that it was really hard for Momma to drag a cat out from the very back corner ... and then she stole my spot!
EM: It's not MY fault you aren't as quick as me. I just got there first.
BC: But I showed you that spot! And then Momma nabbed me several times since we both can't fit in that spot! From now on when the toothbrush comes out, I'm going for my window or under the bed so I'm not screwed. Can we have more food?
EM: I'm hungry!
BC: I'm hungrier!
{Pause}
BC: Ellie's looking at me! Momma! Tell SMELLIE to stop looking at me!
EM: Stop talking to me!
BC: I HATE YOU!
EM: I hate you more!
MK: STOP FIGHTING! As soon as The Boy goes to bed, you two fight constantly. Why don't you carry on with this nonsense when he's awake?
The Boy: {from the other room} NOT TRUE! Because of their nonsense, I'm still awake!
EM: It's not MY fault! Bear won't leave me alone!
The Boy: {from the other room} Bear! Be nice!
{Ellie chuckles to herself}
EM: He started it!
BC: No, I didn't!
EM: Yes, you did!
BC: Stop being ...
EM: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! BEAR! STOP!
BC: I didn't do anything! She just walked past me! She's trying to get me in trouble.
The Boy: {from the other room} BEAR!!!!!!
EM: TRYING?!?
BC: Oh, SHUT UP, Smellie!
{Silence as the cats look opposite directions}
BC: If by delicate you mean a jumbo steamroller chasing a ticked off hippo.
EM: If you're the ticked off hippo.
BC: Stop calling me fat! I'm just FLUFFY!
EM: You called me fat first!
BC: That's because you ARE fat!
EM: Take it back!
BC: No.
EM: Take it back! Or else!
BC: Or else WHAT?!?! You'll sit on me with your house-sized tuna butt? You'll attack me?!? Ooooh ... somehow I'm NOT scared!
EM: You SHOULD be!
BC: NOT.
EM: Brothers are stupid.
BC: SISTERS are MORE stupid.
EM: Brothers are stupidest!
BC: Sisters are more stupidest.
EM: That makes no sense!
BC: Neither do you!
EM: Yes, I do!
BC: No, you don't!
EM: I HATE YOU!
BC: I hate you MORE!
EM: I hate you the most!
BC: I hate you even more than that!
EM: It's not MY fault you're in a bad mood!
BC: I'm not in a bad mood! But I have every reason to be since you woke me up from my nap!
EM: You nap all day!
BC: Because you're in my face all night! As soon as The Boy gets in bed, you won't leave me alone! And then he thinks I'M the bully! Not that I care what Dweeble Dumber thinks.
EM: If The Boy and I are Dweeble Dumb and Dweeble Dumber and he's Dweeble Dumber, that means I'm Dweeble Dumb?
BC: I guess.
EM: AWWWWW. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me! Momma said you'd come around eventually.
BC: Don't get used to it. Unless you leave me alone.
EM: I just want to play!
BC: My tail isn't a toy!
EM: That means the rest of you is?
BC: JUST. LEAVE. ME. ALONE!!!
EM: Make me!
BC: {starting to walk away} NOT worth my time!
EM: {whapping at Bear} ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG!
BC: Stop touching me!
EM: You're touching ME!
BC: Leave me alone!
EM: Leave ME alone!
BC: I am!
EM: No, you're not!
EM: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGG!
BC: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGG!
{The cats spring at each other}
BC: LEAVE. ME. ALONE.
EM: GO. AWAY!
{The cats roll around on the floor}
MK: {walking into the room} KNOCK IT OFF YOU TWO!
{The cats stop at the same time - still intertwined in places}
BC: SHE started it!
EM: NO. HE started it.
BC: Shut up!
EM: You shut up. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGG!
{Ellie attacks Bear}
{The cats roll around the floor tussling and knocking into Momma's chair again and again}
MK: HEY! THAT'S IT!!!
{Both cats run to the cat tree corner and hide}
MK: Oh, nononononononono ... NO! If you two can't co-exist in a room as big as the living room ... you CERTAINLY can't handle being in a small corner together.
{Silence}
MK: I don't care who comes out ... but one of you better come out of that corner.
BC: You go!
EM: NO! YOU go!
BC: YOU!
EM: YOU!
BC: I was here first!
EM: SO?!?
{Ellie whaps Bear}
BC: I'm really tired of ending up with your paw in my face!
{Ellie whacks Bear in the face with her tail}
BC: HEY! Keep that monstrosity to yourself!
EM: My tail isn't a monstrosity! It's long and bushy and BEAUTIFUL!
BC: Whatever you have to tell yourself.
EM: My tail's pretty!
BC: No, it's not.
EM: YES, it is! You're just jealous.
BC: No.
EM: Yes.
BC: I dare you to come closer so I can open my can of whoop-ass furry fury!
MK: FINE! BOTH of you need to come out. You two fight and when I try to break you up, you both run to the same corner of the room! You two are crazy!
{Both cats come out from hiding under the cat tree in the corner}
BC: Can we have treats?
MK: You both had your wet food treat half an hour ago! Remember?!
BC: HMPH. How could I forget having my teeth brushed and my claws clipped?!
MK: You two were better organized this time though in your attempts to avoid both. Instead of both running to the same corner to hide - Bear ran to his window.
BC: SCREWED! I showed Smellie that hiding spot to begin with!!! I told her that it was really hard for Momma to drag a cat out from the very back corner ... and then she stole my spot!
EM: It's not MY fault you aren't as quick as me. I just got there first.
BC: But I showed you that spot! And then Momma nabbed me several times since we both can't fit in that spot! From now on when the toothbrush comes out, I'm going for my window or under the bed so I'm not screwed. Can we have more food?
EM: I'm hungry!
BC: I'm hungrier!
{Pause}
BC: Ellie's looking at me! Momma! Tell SMELLIE to stop looking at me!
EM: Stop talking to me!
BC: I HATE YOU!
EM: I hate you more!
MK: STOP FIGHTING! As soon as The Boy goes to bed, you two fight constantly. Why don't you carry on with this nonsense when he's awake?
The Boy: {from the other room} NOT TRUE! Because of their nonsense, I'm still awake!
EM: It's not MY fault! Bear won't leave me alone!
The Boy: {from the other room} Bear! Be nice!
{Ellie chuckles to herself}
EM: He started it!
BC: No, I didn't!
EM: Yes, you did!
BC: Stop being ...
EM: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! BEAR! STOP!
BC: I didn't do anything! She just walked past me! She's trying to get me in trouble.
The Boy: {from the other room} BEAR!!!!!!
EM: TRYING?!?
BC: Oh, SHUT UP, Smellie!
{Silence as the cats look opposite directions}
MK: Whatever works to keep the peace.
Featured posts:
- Bear and Momma have had quite a few confrontations over brushing Bear's teeth. For a few examples ...
- The Dread Drop.
- And your little teeth too.
- Bear brutality.
- "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 15 ("On Bear's horrible, no good, very bad day.")
- "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 23 ("On ignoring sense," "On Bear hiding from Momma," and "On nomnums.")
- "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 16 ("On Bear's great new hiding spot.")
- "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 17 ("On the deranged donkey.")
- Who are the Dweebles?!?! Dweeble Dumb and Dweeble Dumber.
MOL! Your nightly routine looks a little similar to our nightly routine - but spread between four bickering cats and sometimes a foster.
ReplyDeleteWe'll keep just two!!
DeleteWe LOVE the photo of you two together yet looking in opposite directions! Our Mom off-handedly mentioned you sound like her siblings growing up which, by our calculations, must have been way before cats were even invented, so it would be perfectly okay if you ignored anything she mentions ever again.
ReplyDeleteOur Momma is only good at this because she grew up with a sibling of her own!
DeleteThat is a pretty spirited Friday happy hour you two!
ReplyDelete"Happy" is one word you could use ...
DeleteOh you two! You love each other really.
ReplyDeleteErm ... YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH ;)
DeleteEllie OMCs I feel for you. My dad snores and I know it can be quite distracting.
ReplyDeleteHugs madi your bfff
Boys are gross! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteLooks like you two are sorta having a good time. Love that last picture. That is a good one. You all have a great week end.
ReplyDeleteSHHHHHHH ...
DeleteMOL ! That's a funny and exciting evening routine ! Purrs
ReplyDeleteHmmm ... I wonder why Momma doesn't think so?!?
DeleteThere's a line from 'Hamlet", about a lady doth protest too much? All of this fussing and fighting, just to prove that you two don't like each other...harrumph!
ReplyDeleteSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don't tell anyone!!! ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae
DeleteAMARULA: My evening routine is very similar to yours Bear! And I can't believe your mom somehow found out about my nickname for you--Mr. Handsome Stripe-y Pants!!
ReplyDeleteBARF! More like FARTY-pants! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteThat sounds familiar... Mickey Mouser and Rufus the Red can get quite rowdy while waiting for dinner!
ReplyDelete"full of sound and fury Signifying nothing." (thank goodness)!
xxoo
Maggie
Add a post-poop case of the zoomies and things are down-right crazy around here!
DeleteYou guys sure have fun! I bet you even sleep together when the peoples are not watching!
ReplyDeleteAnd I bet you don't argue when they are not around either!
Purrs
Marv
We haven't been caught sleeping together yet ... we're pros ;)
DeleteAh, teamwork... can bring lots more fun.
ReplyDeleteFor whom?!?! ;)
DeleteOh my, you two are worse than Kali and I. Kali usually falls asleep and could care less how I feel. You sound like bro and sis but I bet you'd help the other one if someone attacked your sis/bro.
ReplyDeleteShoko and Kali
We know Kali is the perfect lady and would NEVER snore, right? ;)
DeleteWe bet you two love each other and just argue to keep your momma on her toes. Our mom almost spit wine all over the computer when she read about the farting. Cooper used to do that until the humans changed his food. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy
ReplyDeleteUmmm ... or we could get rid of Bear, right? Then NO MORE GROSS FARTING! ~Ellie Mae
Deleteoh so you are Ellie Mae! I do fink you waz mentions in Cats With Blogs on Facebook. Now I see you can gets dat upper hand wifs Bear Cat... Well I named Ellie May but I nots good at getting along with furboys. You do a much better job than me.... MOL
ReplyDelete- Katie Kat'z Ellie May (who had a bad reaction to Advantage and now is the cat from hell...sometimes)
Boys are gross! I BARELY get along with Bear ;) ~Ellie Mae
DeleteBear looks so innocent sleeping in that first picture, but it's obvious he's dreaming about very nasty goings-on ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd you know the WHO too!
DeleteOMC I LOVE that last photo and the one with Bear sprawled out on his back. I think Cody should be grateful that he only has a woofie brother and not a sister! LOL! xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody
ReplyDeleteMomma's got some great pictures of the two of us recently ... they make her happy!
DeleteOh, your poor Mama. You two must wear her out! xoxo
ReplyDeleteWe ***ALMOST*** feel sorry for her ;) ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae
DeleteBear, you have to admit...there's never a dull moment at your house since Ellie Mae joined the family. :)
ReplyDeleteWe ***ALMOST*** feel sorry for Momma ;) ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae
DeleteNothing like a playful game of smackypaw!
ReplyDeleteThe Florida Furkids
We've had a lot of practice! ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae
DeleteOkay, thanks alot. I'm a Tortie, and a little on the large side, and dad's reading this made him come out with a stupid, idiotic, dumb-assed joke about me jumping out of a crab cake that I'm not going to share.
ReplyDeleteYou're purr-fect just the way you are Miss Cleo. You're a tortie - what else could you be but purrfect? The human male around here always makes stupid jokes too ... especially about how fat I am. HMPH. ~Bear Cat
DeleteOh, Bear, even your dreams are funny if not just a little tawdry. :)
ReplyDeleteIn some of those pictures you two do look like you have fun together. Just sayin'.
Hmph. FUN?!? That's NOT the word I would use! ~Bear Cat
DeleteOh my...lots of 'excitement' around your house you two. Perhaps one of these days you guys will play like you really do like one another. Hope springs eternal, right?
ReplyDeleteYou sound like my Momma! ~Bear Cat
DeleteYes, a stand off is definitely preferable to all that squabbling!! We're on Momma Kat's side for this one! :)
ReplyDeleteAwww ... but we're cute! ~Bear Cat and Ellie Mae
DeleteIt seems like your nightly occurrence is actually kind of, ahem, fun, Bear and Ellie!
ReplyDeleteFor US!!! ~Bear and Ellie
DeleteYou know, Bear, if you agree to disagree on everything you could save a whole lot of hassle and have more nap time. Maybe draw up a rota as to who has what, too. The dweebles could have half the house and the non dweebles the other. You'll need two of everything else, bedrooms and cat trees... oh and four feed bowls so you can pinch out of each others on your own side MOL
ReplyDeleteToodle pip and purrs
ERin
Can't we just get rid of them?!?! ~Bear Cat
DeleteYou two are too much. Bear, ifin she's a daddy's girl, she's gonna always get him to take her side. 'Member when he furst came to live there and you thought he was trouble? Well, he's just purroved how much trouble he is. MOL Ya' gotta suck up to your mommy so she'll take your side. After all, it was your house and her house furst. Me keeps tellin' Raena da same thing. Just be sure your mommy doesn't see you start anythin'. She can see ya' defend yourself or end somethin', just no startin' it. MOL Big hugs
ReplyDeleteLuv ya'
Dezi and Raena
The first couple weeks were tough ... my Momma thought I started EVERYTHING! Slowly, she picked up on the small stuff Ellie does - like playing with my tail. To be fair, when I was a kitten and Kitty was alive, I started all our fights - so I can't be surprised she suspected me first this time! ~Bear Cat
DeleteThat is quite the routine :) I am glad you really do like each other.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I would go THAT far ... ~Bear Cat
DeleteOh my stars! You two look adorable, and we just LOVE that last photo!
ReplyDeleteSo does Momma ... she's getting that one printed and hung!
DeleteI purr-sonally think that you two actually like each others company. You sure take cute pictures together. I think it would be kind of nice to have a sisfur or brofur kitty. Mom says the doggie would feel let out though. Say, I've got an idea. I could send the doggie to your house & one of you could come to my house! That's it! That would be pawsome! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteNO DOGS!!! NOPE! NOT negotiable. Well, unless you send a tasty whole chicken farm along with it! ~Bear Cat
Delete