MK: Momma Kat
EM: Ellie Mae
BC: Bear Cat
The Boy: The Boy
MK: {talking to herself} Okay. So I picked up the wet food treat plates ... litter box scooping time ...
{Momma turns around to find two cats staring at her intently}
MK: You two are ridiculous.
EM: We're hungry.
MK: You don't say.
BC: No. I'm pretty sure she DID say! WE WANT TREATS! And you better comply or you'll regret it!
MK: You don't say.
BC: No. I'm pretty sure she DID say! WE WANT TREATS! And you better comply or you'll regret it!
MK: I gave you treats a couple hours ago.
EM: Maybe you don't understand, but ... We're. Hungry. Now.
MK: Neither of you have any shame.
EM: What's that?
BC: Some stupid human concept involving embarrassment and/or pain over one's improper or foolish behavior. Totally unnecessary for us cats. We're always right. Though I suppose if you're a human, your behavior is always improper and foolish - so maybe it's not so stupid for them. I mean, you see Momma's butt - but she has no shame eating a couple doughnuts every day.
EM: You mean like when she walks into walls ... apologizes to them, and then blushes when she sees us watching?
BC: Hahahahaha. She's a total klutz. Bad for her ... hilarious for us.
EM: We're hungry.
BC: We want treats. We mean business. Our demands WILL be met. Or else.
EM: Or else WHAT?!?
BC: SHUT UP and let me do the talking! We want treats. Our demands WILL be met. Or else.
EM: Maybe you don't understand, but ... We're. Hungry. Now.
MK: Neither of you have any shame.
EM: What's that?
BC: Some stupid human concept involving embarrassment and/or pain over one's improper or foolish behavior. Totally unnecessary for us cats. We're always right. Though I suppose if you're a human, your behavior is always improper and foolish - so maybe it's not so stupid for them. I mean, you see Momma's butt - but she has no shame eating a couple doughnuts every day.
EM: You mean like when she walks into walls ... apologizes to them, and then blushes when she sees us watching?
BC: Hahahahaha. She's a total klutz. Bad for her ... hilarious for us.
EM: We're hungry.
BC: We want treats. We mean business. Our demands WILL be met. Or else.
EM: Or else WHAT?!?
BC: SHUT UP and let me do the talking! We want treats. Our demands WILL be met. Or else.
MK: Why does this feel like a shake-down from the kitty mob?
BC: The only benefit of having a sibling ... more muscle.
EM: You don't have a whole lot of muscle, Bear ... now FAT?!?! Yep.
BC: Shut up, pipsqueak. You know what I meant. Kitty muscle in terms of our fangs and claws.
EM: Oh. Well, you sure know how to use yours.
BC: You're not so shabby yourself.
EM: Wait, wait, wait! MOMMA! You haven't given us treats yet! You can't walk away! The pantry is RIGHT HERE! If you give us treats, it comes from the PANTRY!
MK: You two were talking - you didn't seem to need me for anything.
BC: {groaning} I'm starving! I'm starving! I feel weak! I'll surely die if I don't have food soon.
MK: Two full bowls of kibble in the bedrooms.
BC: I can't even walk that far!
MK: How about I carry you?
{Momma bends down to pick Bear up, but Bear topples over on his side with his eyes closed}
EM: He died! Awwwwww! Wait a ...
{Pause}
EM: More food for me! Screw that. YAY!
BC: {opening one eye} I heard that! Hit a guy when he's down, why don't you?
EM: The only reason you're down is because you purposely fell over!
BC: Shut up! FOR REAL!!! PLAY ALONG!
EM: Huh. Bear clearly died of starvation. I'll be next ... I'll be next ... ooooooh.
{Pause}
EM: TAIL! TAIL! GOT IT!
BC: Do you mind?
EM: HEY! You gave yourself away. Your tail is all over the place.
BC: So you just have to "catch" and bite it, right?
EM: I knew you'd understand! I mean, if you don't want your tail bitten, why flop it around all over the place?
BC: GET YOUR PAW OFF MY TAIL!
EM: I thought you were supposed to be dead?
BC: I've had it! You stalk my tail all the time! If it even MOVES, you're all over it. Don't you know the unwritten cat code?!?! LEAVE OTHER CATS' TAILS ALONE!
EM: Specifying an "unwritten" code implies that there's a written code. I'm pretty sure all cat codes are unwritten ... I mean, cats can't write, right?
BC: What's that have to do with ANYTHING? Who cares how the cat code is recorded? LEAVE MY TAIL ALONE!
EM: Why swish your tail around like a toy if you don't want me to catch it? I'm doing you a FAVOR in catching it for you!
BC: HEY! My tail is my pride and joy! Keep your paws and teeth off it!
EM: Have you ever noticed that my tail is longer than yours? And you're a boycat!
BC: Well, I NEVER! STOP STALKING MY TAIL! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!
EM: Geez. You don't have to get all bent out of shape about it. Then again, you don't really have much of a shape ... you're more like an amorphous blob of fat.
BC: I swear ...
The Boy: {from the other room} Would you BOTH shut up? Some of us have work to do!
EM: TAIL!
BC: OWW! That really hurt! MOMMM!
{Silence}
BC: Where'd she go?
EM: She must have gotten away while you were busy being dramatic.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!
EM: But we didn't get treats!
BC: OBVIOUSLY. And it's YOUR fault!
EM: NO! It's YOUR fault!
BC: Stop looking at me!
EM: Stop talking to me!
BC: HEY! MOM!!!! Ellie's looking at me funny!!!
EM: That's because you're funny looking!
BC: THAT'S IT! I've had just about enough of your ... MoooMMMMMMMMMMMMMA! Ellie won't stop being mean to me!
EM: You need your MOM to save you from a GIRL?
MK: {walking into the room} Knock it off, you two!
BC: But she started it!
EM: NO! YOU started it!
BC: You!
EM: No, YOU!
MK: STOP IT!
BC: Huh. Momma's back. Can we have treats now?
EM: WHHHHHOOOA! I thought you were calling Momma to come protect you - but it was a ruse to get her back out here.
BC: Don't be ridiculous! Wait a ... YEEEAH! That's EXACTLY what I meant to do! I'm brilliant!
EM: I wouldn't go THAT far.
BC: Stop insulting ...
EM: She left again!
BC: RATS!
EM: And humans say CATS are skittish! But a little claw and fang and they disappear!
BC: Wait a ...
EM: TREATS!!!
BC: THE TREAT FAIRY!
EM: There is no treat fairy, moron! Momma must've left them there while we were busy arguing. I wonder how long they've been there!
BC: I wasn't arguing! YOU were arguing! I swear ... I've never met such a pain in the behind ...
{Bear hears the sound of Ellie snarfing treats}
BC: HEY! You got more treats than I did! You got ten and I only got nine! MoommmmmmmMA! MOMMA!
{Bear STILL hears the sound of Ellie snarfing treats}
BC: HEY! Leave some for me! Leave some for me!
EM: {looking up after she finishes hers} Are you going to eat all of those?
BC: What kind of question is ... HEY! These are mine! GO AWAY!
EM: How RUDE!
*** LATER THAT DAY ***
{Momma and The Boy are napping on the couch ... Momma opens one eye to find Bear peeking over the edge of the couch}
EM: You don't have a whole lot of muscle, Bear ... now FAT?!?! Yep.
BC: Shut up, pipsqueak. You know what I meant. Kitty muscle in terms of our fangs and claws.
EM: Oh. Well, you sure know how to use yours.
BC: You're not so shabby yourself.
EM: Wait, wait, wait! MOMMA! You haven't given us treats yet! You can't walk away! The pantry is RIGHT HERE! If you give us treats, it comes from the PANTRY!
MK: You two were talking - you didn't seem to need me for anything.
BC: {groaning} I'm starving! I'm starving! I feel weak! I'll surely die if I don't have food soon.
MK: Two full bowls of kibble in the bedrooms.
BC: I can't even walk that far!
MK: How about I carry you?
{Momma bends down to pick Bear up, but Bear topples over on his side with his eyes closed}
EM: He died! Awwwwww! Wait a ...
{Pause}
EM: More food for me! Screw that. YAY!
BC: {opening one eye} I heard that! Hit a guy when he's down, why don't you?
EM: The only reason you're down is because you purposely fell over!
BC: Shut up! FOR REAL!!! PLAY ALONG!
EM: Huh. Bear clearly died of starvation. I'll be next ... I'll be next ... ooooooh.
{Pause}
EM: TAIL! TAIL! GOT IT!
BC: Do you mind?
EM: HEY! You gave yourself away. Your tail is all over the place.
BC: So you just have to "catch" and bite it, right?
EM: I knew you'd understand! I mean, if you don't want your tail bitten, why flop it around all over the place?
BC: GET YOUR PAW OFF MY TAIL!
EM: I thought you were supposed to be dead?
BC: I've had it! You stalk my tail all the time! If it even MOVES, you're all over it. Don't you know the unwritten cat code?!?! LEAVE OTHER CATS' TAILS ALONE!
EM: Specifying an "unwritten" code implies that there's a written code. I'm pretty sure all cat codes are unwritten ... I mean, cats can't write, right?
BC: What's that have to do with ANYTHING? Who cares how the cat code is recorded? LEAVE MY TAIL ALONE!
EM: Why swish your tail around like a toy if you don't want me to catch it? I'm doing you a FAVOR in catching it for you!
BC: HEY! My tail is my pride and joy! Keep your paws and teeth off it!
EM: Have you ever noticed that my tail is longer than yours? And you're a boycat!
BC: Well, I NEVER! STOP STALKING MY TAIL! Just LEAVE ME ALONE!
EM: Geez. You don't have to get all bent out of shape about it. Then again, you don't really have much of a shape ... you're more like an amorphous blob of fat.
BC: I swear ...
The Boy: {from the other room} Would you BOTH shut up? Some of us have work to do!
EM: TAIL!
BC: OWW! That really hurt! MOMMM!
{Silence}
BC: Where'd she go?
EM: She must have gotten away while you were busy being dramatic.
BC: Oh, SHUT UP!
EM: But we didn't get treats!
BC: OBVIOUSLY. And it's YOUR fault!
EM: NO! It's YOUR fault!
BC: Stop looking at me!
EM: Stop talking to me!
BC: HEY! MOM!!!! Ellie's looking at me funny!!!
EM: That's because you're funny looking!
BC: THAT'S IT! I've had just about enough of your ... MoooMMMMMMMMMMMMMA! Ellie won't stop being mean to me!
EM: You need your MOM to save you from a GIRL?
MK: {walking into the room} Knock it off, you two!
BC: But she started it!
EM: NO! YOU started it!
BC: You!
EM: No, YOU!
MK: STOP IT!
BC: Huh. Momma's back. Can we have treats now?
EM: WHHHHHOOOA! I thought you were calling Momma to come protect you - but it was a ruse to get her back out here.
BC: Don't be ridiculous! Wait a ... YEEEAH! That's EXACTLY what I meant to do! I'm brilliant!
EM: I wouldn't go THAT far.
BC: Stop insulting ...
EM: She left again!
BC: RATS!
EM: And humans say CATS are skittish! But a little claw and fang and they disappear!
BC: Wait a ...
EM: TREATS!!!
BC: THE TREAT FAIRY!
EM: There is no treat fairy, moron! Momma must've left them there while we were busy arguing. I wonder how long they've been there!
BC: I wasn't arguing! YOU were arguing! I swear ... I've never met such a pain in the behind ...
{Bear hears the sound of Ellie snarfing treats}
BC: HEY! You got more treats than I did! You got ten and I only got nine! MoommmmmmmMA! MOMMA!
{Bear STILL hears the sound of Ellie snarfing treats}
BC: HEY! Leave some for me! Leave some for me!
EM: {looking up after she finishes hers} Are you going to eat all of those?
BC: What kind of question is ... HEY! These are mine! GO AWAY!
EM: How RUDE!
*** LATER THAT DAY ***
{Momma and The Boy are napping on the couch ... Momma opens one eye to find Bear peeking over the edge of the couch}
{Momma busts out laughing ... waking up The Boy}
The Boy: Hu ... {seeing Bear} AHHHHHHHHHHH!
{Pause}
The Boy: {sigh} Hi, Bear.
BC: Hi.
MK: Can we help you?
BC: No.
MK: Ummm ... what are you doing?
BC: Isn't it obvious?
MK: No.
BC: Never mind.
{Pause}
MK: You're still looking at us.
BC: I know.
MK: Why?
BC: Isn't it obvious?
MK: No.
BC: Never mind.
MK: Bear, you're being weird. Stop staring at us.
BC: You're not doing anything.
BC: You're not doing anything.
MK: Exactly.
BC: I'm watching.
The Boy: We can see that!
BC: Keep that in mind. I'm ALWAYS watching. I see everything. Even when you're NOT doing anything.
The Boy: He must've been dropped on his head as a kitten.
MK: STOP STARING!
BC: No can do. I'm busy.
MK: DOING WHAT?!?!
BC: Isn't it obvious?
MK: No.
BC: Never mind.
MK: BEAR!!
BC: What?
MK: STOP STARING AT ...
EM: {walking into the room} Did you get the two couch lumps up yet?
MK: Couch lumps? REALLY?
BC: Would you prefer deadbeats?
MK: NO!
BC: Slackers?
MK: NO! For the love ... The Boy and I both worked a full day while you two slept! {jumping up from the couch} And you call US lazy?
EM: We never called you lazy.
BC: Nope. We called you lumps and deadbeats and slackers. Not lazy.
MK: Great.
EM: She's up! She's up!
BC: We need my food bowl filled.
{Momma walks back to Bear's food bowl}
MK: The food bowl isn't empty!
BC: Empty enough.
EM: Yeah! We're starving!
MK: Oh for the LOVE ...
{Momma picks up the bowl ... carries it to the kitchen ... gets out the bag of kibble ... and starts to refill the bowl ...}
BC: {seeing Ellie come up behind him} It's MINE!
EM: And mine! Momma said we share this bowl just like I share MY bowl with you!
EM: And mine! Momma said we share this bowl just like I share MY bowl with you!
BC: {crowding Ellie out from the bowl with fresh kibble} You slobber all over my food!
MK: BEAR! {Momma slides a couple pieces of kibble to Ellie so that she gets some too}.
{The Boy walks in to the kitchen and snatches Ellie up before she can eat the kibble Momma gave her}
EM: @#$%! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!! Put me down! PUT ME DOWN! FOOD! There's FOOD! There's a couple pieces of kibble on the floor that Momma gave me! FOOD! FOOD! If I don't eat them, I'll starve! And Bear will eat it! I'm telling you ... I WON'T SURVIVE!
The Boy: You love your Daddy, right?
EM: But ... but ... FOOD! What's love got to do with it? Momma put those pieces out for me! I'm hungry! I'm starving! I need food! I need THAT food! Right now! Earlier than right now! I'm about to STARVE! PUT ME DOWN!
The Boy: Don't you want some Daddy loves?
EM: NO!
The Boy: Come on! You can purr.
EM: NO! I'm too hungry to purr! If you want a push-over doofus that can't control his purr ... whose purr turns over at the slightest provocation ... you should scoop up Bear! I can control my purr. So THERE!
BC: {finding the extra kibble on the floor} Doofus? Push-over THIS! Finders keepers.
EM: YOU WOULDN'T!
BC: {CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH} Oops. I did.
EM: Now I don't feel so bad about skimming a little off the top of your wet food treat for the past month.
BC: WHAT?!?!? MoMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA!!!
MK: {from the other room as she puts Bear's now full bowl back} I'm not home!
BC: WHAT?!?! She was just here a minute ago! {to The Boy} Where did she go?
The Boy: After spending 24/7 with you both ... probably the funny farm.
BC: Do they have tasty whole chickens there?
EM: Dumb a$$!
BC: What? WHAT?!?! Hello?!?! What's so funny?
The Boy: You love your Daddy, right?
EM: But ... but ... FOOD! What's love got to do with it? Momma put those pieces out for me! I'm hungry! I'm starving! I need food! I need THAT food! Right now! Earlier than right now! I'm about to STARVE! PUT ME DOWN!
The Boy: Don't you want some Daddy loves?
EM: NO!
The Boy: Come on! You can purr.
EM: NO! I'm too hungry to purr! If you want a push-over doofus that can't control his purr ... whose purr turns over at the slightest provocation ... you should scoop up Bear! I can control my purr. So THERE!
BC: {finding the extra kibble on the floor} Doofus? Push-over THIS! Finders keepers.
EM: YOU WOULDN'T!
BC: {CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH} Oops. I did.
EM: Now I don't feel so bad about skimming a little off the top of your wet food treat for the past month.
BC: WHAT?!?!? MoMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA!!!
MK: {from the other room as she puts Bear's now full bowl back} I'm not home!
BC: WHAT?!?! She was just here a minute ago! {to The Boy} Where did she go?
The Boy: After spending 24/7 with you both ... probably the funny farm.
BC: Do they have tasty whole chickens there?
EM: Dumb a$$!
BC: What? WHAT?!?! Hello?!?! What's so funny?
Featured posts:
- You may find the other posts from this series here ... Always something, part 2 and Always something, part 3.
- This isn't the first time Bear's alarmed a person with his snooping ...
- For more about Ellie Mae and her interactions with Bear:
How dramatic! If it's like that every day, Momma Kat will be at the funny farm real soon, and then who will give you guys treats? Something to think about, Bear. :)
ReplyDeleteTheoretically, The Boy would be here ... but no thanks! Even the kibble tastes different when he fills the bowls! ~Bear Cat
DeleteSibling rivalry, such drama!
ReplyDeleteFun times!
DeleteLove your eyes, Bear. So much wisdom in them!
ReplyDeletePurrs xx
Athena and Marie
That's not what my Momma calls it! ~Bear Cat
DeleteOh yes, the kitteh shake down is a constant here. FEED US!
ReplyDeleteAnd we only have TWO!!! I can't even imagine a bigger kitty mob!
DeleteOkay, think about all that fun with 9 kitties! See, y'all have it easy!
ReplyDeleteI can't even imagine a bigger kitty mob!
DeleteOh my, I'm not sure if Bear is rubbing off on you, Ellie, or vice versa? And who to feel sorry for most out of all four of you? Is it the boys or the girls? or is it Cats V Peeps?
ReplyDeletePurrrs
ERin
PS Bear, all those joke chickens the comedians use, they end up at the funny farm when they retire, so I do think you had the last laugh.... or was it the chicken that crossed the road???
It's so hard to keep all the chickens straight! ~Bear Cat
DeleteI think we've rubbed off on each other ... though Bear would NEVER admit that! ~Ellie Mae
I hear you loud and clear Bear and Ellie
ReplyDeleteto quote my PaPa when he was hungry...sometimes my stomach thinks my throat has been cut.
Hugs madi your bfff
They'll be sorry when we're gone!
DeleteYou two do go at it. Too funny. Hope you both got some foods. But we know you did. Ellie, looks like you have Bear's number.
ReplyDeleteRATS! She's smart ... for a girl ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteI so understand what you are going through! This trio makes me feel like I want to go to the Funny Farm sometimes too!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you and Momma will meet there! That would be a dream come true if I got to met Amarula! ~Bear Cat
DeleteIt is sounding like never a dull moment over there! I think it sounds like you and Ellie are starting to work together, Bear, you just need to refine your technique. :)
ReplyDeleteCooperation isn't exactly in my dictionary. ~Bear Cat
DeleteNeither is modesty. ~Ellie Mae
OMC those photos of Bear peeking out are just cracking me up! I see that Ellie Mae started off as more of a lady and now her language is getting like Bears. He must be rubbing off on her! xoxo catchatwithcarenandcody
ReplyDeleteI'm still a lady! But around such coarse company, a girl's gotta step up and make herself heard! ~Ellie Mae
DeleteDouble the kitties, double the fun. xoxo
ReplyDeleteAlmost TOO much fun ;)
DeleteWhoa! If you two actually worked together, you could shake 'em down big time. Gang up on them unless you get your treats. You could get treats all day long.
ReplyDeleteUmmm ... weren't you the one against interlopers?!? I imagine if it were the two of us, we'd muscle (BITE) Momma and TW to our every whim! ~Bear Cat
DeleteIf you finally decided to work together... you could wrap those poor humans around your paw in no time ! Purrs
ReplyDeleteCooperation isn't exactly in my dictionary. ~Bear Cat
DeleteNeither is modesty. ~Ellie Mae
You know of course that doubling the population really means an exponential increase of everything, not just 'twice' as much, right? LOL
ReplyDeleteI'm learning the very quickly ;)
DeleteLook at you two partnering in the name of food, a very worth cause.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your household is happy and entertaining!
Happy? Surely you mean nappy? Two cats = lots of cat naps ;)
DeleteMOL, uhm, why no, we never EVER fight over here either. *innocent look* And yeah, the food is SCARCE over here too so whazzup wif that ANYways, huh? (WAIT. YOU GUYS get TREATS?!?!?!?)
ReplyDeleteWe get treats ... but we're still wasting away!
DeleteMaybe you two need to gather your forces to manipulate the humans.
ReplyDeleteCooperation isn't exactly in my dictionary. ~Bear Cat
DeleteNeither is modesty. ~Ellie Mae
Hi Bear & Ellie! I'm hungry, too. Humans just don't get it. If they would just put out our food and treats as specified in our contracts then we wouldn't have to remind them all the time. But then again they are "human" with short attention spans. Tee hee hee.
ReplyDeleteYou have a contract?!?! We need a lawyer! ~Bear Cat
DeleteOh yeah, that's some exponential fun going on there. Fun for us to read about, certainly! :)
ReplyDeleteWe're glad to hear that!
Deletehaha...what a conversation...thanks for the giggles.
ReplyDeleteJean
We imagine Kali and Shoko have similar conversations ;)
DeleteWow, you two have to work so hard for your treats!!! Life is tough, huh?
ReplyDeleteNo kidding!
DeleteThe picture of you, Bear, looking over the couch always makes me giggle, and peep my peep wonder if there is anything over the shoulder. MOL You have the most excellent way with a look!
ReplyDeletePurrrs
ERin
I was trying to be sneaky! I think I succeeded! ~Bear Cat
DeleteI don't have cats, but I can tell you this drama is no different with dogs. You are right, the drama doesn't double with two, it rises exponentially for some reason. The pictures of Bear peaking over the couch are priceless. So very cute!
ReplyDeleteThank you! He knows it too!
DeleteJust think how much more interesting it is having two cats instead of one!
ReplyDeleteMy cup runneth over ;)
Delete