The Bear Cat household

March 8, 2017

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The Bear Cat household:
{Momma and The Boy are sitting together on the couch}
BC: {jumping up on the couch} OHH! Momma! I need ear ...
{Pause}
BC: YOU! Hmph. {Jumping down from the couch} Never mind.
{Five minutes pass}
BC: {jumping up on the couch} OHH! Momma! I love belly ru ...
{Pause}
BC: YOU! AGAIN! {Jumping down from the couch} Never mind.
{Pause}
BC: Momma, tell me when you're done with HIM. I require your undivided attention.

The Boy: I have a name you know!
BC: Lou Surr?
{Momma giggles}
BC: Martha Fokker?
{Momma giggles harder}
BC: Stu Pitt?
{Momma giggles even harder}
The Boy: YEAH! Well, I don't like you either!
{Pause}
The Boy: {to Momma} And you're not helping! Don't encourage him!
BC: Encourage me! Encourage me!
The Boy: Don't you have something better to do than follow me around and heckle me?
BC: Are you still here?

The Boy: I live here!
BC: Don't remind me!
The Boy: I live here!
BC: I hate you!
The Boy: You didn't hate me this morning when you rubbed up against me! And you didn't hate me last night when you snuggled up to me.
MK: Uh oh.
BC: Excuse you! I didn't SNUGGLE up to you! I snuggled up with my Momma and you got in the way!
The Boy: You were on the opposite side of me as your Momma.
BC: WHO ASKED YOU?!?! That's because I had to watch you VERY carefully to make sure you wouldn't hurt her.
The Boy: How could I hurt her in my sleep?
BC: Given your history of hurting my Momma, I don't think that's an unrealistic fear. And my Momma is extra vulnerable while she sleeps! I mean, any cat strolling by could take advantage of her sleeping.
The Boy: That random cat being you?
BC: I have no idea what you're talking about!
The Boy: Let's see ... in the month I've been here, I've seen you use your sleeping Momma as a balance beam, a trampoline, a warm cushion, a chew toy, and whatever you want to call sticking your tongue in her ear. Not to mention your game of sitting on her with your nose less than an inch from her nose!
BC: You're just jealous that I came up with those ideas first!
The Boy: No.
BC: My Momma is MINE! MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!

The Boy: I love her too!
BC: Phht. My Momma's SPECIAL and I don't share. I love her more than you love her! Hmph.
The Boy: She IS special.
BC: Who asked you?
The Boy: We're lucky her heart is big enough for the both of us.
BC: It's not luck! You've seen her eat doughnuts ... though unlike her butt, we can't really SEE how big eating so many doughnuts makes her heart.
MK: I'm right here!
BC: Don't get mad at me! He's the one who talked about your large size. And he's never had to share a desk chair with you! He's lucky he has his own desk chair!

The Boy: I wasn't saying she was fat! I was pointing out that she has enough love for both of us!
BC: Speaking of pointing things out ... one of my favorite parts of my Momma is her clumsy side. Wasn't it HILARIOUS when she walked into the wall last week? And then TWICE this week! And those are just the incidents we witnessed!
The Boy: Hehehehe. True. That was awesome! Though it was also funny when she tried to climb on her desk chair to reach something on the shelf.
BC: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMBER!
The Boy: Hehehehehehe.
BC: Hahahahaha. She should know better by now ... it's happened a couple paw-ful of times before!
MK: HEY! I'm right here!
BC: Do you mind? The Boy and I are having a January/February conversation, so MARCH yourself out of our business!
The Boy: Hahahaha. You're a spunky one.
BC: And cute! Don't forget cute!

The Boy: I suppose.
MK: Uh oh.
BC: {narrowing his eyes} Do you need to see my "I'm too sexy" show again?
The Boy: Yeah. A PRANCING cat.
BC: What is wrong with you?!?! I don't PRANCE! I saunter sexily! SEE!?!? Do you want a piece of this? OF COURSE you do!
The Boy: Ummmm ...
BC: OBVIOUSLY! If you mastered my "I'm too sexy" walk, you wouldn't have to settle for my Momma because all the chicks would be beating down your door! Hmmm. Actually, you should take notes. I don't know how much longer I can stand you living here.
The Boy: I'm not going anywhere.
BC: Ahh. So you're more the learn by demonstration kind of person.
The Boy: Excuse me?
BC: You're excused.
The Boy: Demonstration?
BC: Instead of being shown HOW to do something, you assimilate into the environment and watch the subject of your study in his natural environment. That's why you're not going anywhere. You're watching me carefully to learn how to be this magnificent.
The Boy: Hahahahaha. {Pause} Erm ... you're not kidding?
BC: You're just jealous!
The Boy: Of your ability to lick your butt?
BC: I KNEW IT!

The Boy: What just happened?
BC: Slow aren't you? You admitted that you're jealous that I can lick my own butt!
The Boy: That's not what I was saying! I just pointed out that there are some things not to envy about you.
BC: Well, someone has to lick my butt! Did my Momma put you up to saying that? Because she's always reminding me that I lick my butt. But I only lick my own butt because, unlike my REAL Momma, she refuses to take care of business.

BC: But while we're on the subject of reasons NOT to envy me ... Let's see. I have to put up with YOU, The Boy. I have to endure sharing my desk chair with my Momma. I have a bowl of fake food that is always EMPTY. My Momma never shuts up ...
The Boy: Hahaha. Now THAT ONE is true!
MK: HEY!
BC: Excuse you both for interrupting! I don't have any tasty whole chickens. No cat hammock. No aquarium.

{Pause}
BC: I'M SCREWED! SCREWED!
The Boy: If you're screwed, I'm a monkey's uncle.
BC: You said it, not me. Though if YOU'RE a monkey's uncle, you're probably a monkey too. Is that why Momma bought all the bananas at the grocery store?
The Boy: It's just a phrase!
BC: Here's a phrase for you ... I HATE YOU! BOO-YAH! Game. Set. Match.
The Boy: What?!? How?
BC: Because I said so.
The Boy: That's not fair!
MK: Welcome to the Momma Kat household.
BC: You mean the BEAR CAT household.
MK: {sigh} Exactly.

Featured posts of the day:

To read more about The Boy:

"The Boy" was introduced in The boy.
Bear meets "The Boy" in Tom, Dick and Harry and The interview.
Bear and Momma discuss her relationship with The Boy in Annoying giggliness.
Trouble in Boy-land was revealed in Less talk-y and more scratch-y.
A brief reunion in The Boy Returns.
Bear lays down the law for future boys in Tough love.
Momma's sadness at the breakup is the topic of FAT CAT RATS.
Bear tried to help Momma feel better about the break up in Bigger Band-aids.
More boy sadness ... Evil bunny day, Again, and A Momma's stupidity allowance.
Bear forbids future boys in Momma's resolutions.
The Boy comes back in The negotiation.
Bear and The Boy face off in The cat-ocalypse, This never happened, The Dread Drop, No more boys, and Love bites.