The articles

BC: Bear Cat

MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The articles:
BC: PSST!

{Pause}
BC: PSST! MOMMA! Are you awake?

{Pause}
BC: PSSSSST!
{Bear sits on Momma's face}
MK: Wha ...
{Pause}
MK: BEAR!
BC: I didn't do it!
MK: You didn't sit on my face?
BC: Oh. Yeah. I did that.
MK: BEAR!
BC: I'm so glad you're awake. You were asleep FOREVER.

MK: Forever?
BC: Yes. I counted.
MK: You did not. You can't count to forever.
BC: I hardly think your intellectual capabilities make you an expert on counting. One ... two ... three ... FOREVER!

MK: What do you want?
BC: Nothing.
MK: Then why did you wake me up?
BC: I didn't.
MK: Yes, you did!
BC: But I'm glad you're awake!
MK: ARG!
BC: Sheesh! Aren't YOU grumpy! You should take a nap!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I like that book you got me at the library.
MK: Excuse me?
BC: That book you left on the coffee table.
MK: There is no book on the coffee table.
BC: Of course there is! It's weighing down the cover you put over the puzzle to keep me out of the puzzle pieces. Err ... weighing down the cover you put over the puzzle to TRY to keep me out of the puzzle pieces.
{Pause}
BC: Strike that last part. But back to the book! It's got ... err ... articles about cats. Yep. I'm reading the articles.
MK: What are you ... OH! The DVD of "The Secret Life of Pets."

BC: I like the articles.
MK: There aren't any articles.
BC: Uh oh.
MK: Are you staring at the pictures of Chloe, the cat?

BC: The articles! I'm READING the articles! Wait a ... Chloe is the name of the cat?
MK: Yes.
BC: Hubba ... RATS!
MK: Chloe's not a real cat, Bear.
BC: WHAT?!?! What's wrong with you? That's not nice! What if I told you that you weren't a real human? Hmph. Just because somecat's DIFFERENT doesn't make them un-real!
MK: It's a drawing.
BC: Yeah? Well, the drawing of your face sucks! HA! Take that, unreal person!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: Based on this picture of Chloe's claw-work, I'm pretty sure she's the ladycat for me!

BC: My version of redecoration services ...

MK: {sigh} Yes. You both have talent.
BC: But most importantly, do you think the cat will share her tasty whole chicken?

MK: If she were real ... maybe.
BC: Like she's a FAKE cat! Though she's ignored me so far ... I think the cat's got her tongue. Get it? CAT got her ... oh never mind.
{Pause}
BC: Can I practice my lines on you?
MK: Do I have a choice?
BC: Not really.
MK: Go for it.
BC: "I'm glad that my Momma has a library card. Because I'm totally checking you out!"

{Silence}

BC: Get it? You got the book from the library ... you checked it out ...

MK: Maybe mentioning your Momma in a pick up line is a bad idea.

BC: You're right! I'm embarrassed of you.

MK: HEY!

BC: Well, maybe if you weren't always KISSING me, I wouldn't be!

MK: So if I stopped kissing you, you wouldn't be embarrassed of me?

BC: Err ... not exactly. I mean, you'd still be you ... EMBARRASSING!

MK: Great. Thank you.

BC: You're welcome. Someone should tell you. How about this line: "Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

{Pause}

BC: I think that one will work well because we all know I have that irresistible "I'm too sexy," walk.

MK: Oh, yes. How could I forget your prancing in front of the mirror?

BC: I don't PRANCE. I walk sexily! And I've had lots of practice so walking by her again will definitely get me an in! Wait ... wait! How about this one? {AHEM!} "Do you work for the United States Postal Service? I saw you checking out my package." Hehehe. Get it? Walking past her ... she checks me out? Check out my package?

MK: Oh, Bear ...

BC: Wait! Wait! How about this one? "If you were a chicken, you'd be impeccable."

MK: {groan}.

BC: Get it? She has a tasty whole chicken ... if she were a chicken ...

{Pause}

BC: Wait. That sounded better in my head. Oh! Here's a good one!

{Pause}

BC: "Do you like bacon? Wanna strip?"

MK: BEAR!

BC: WHAT?!?! I'm not beyond bribing girls to spend time with me!

MK: What are you talking about?

BC: I like a girl ... she likes bacon ... I give her a strip of bacon ... she likes me ... she shares her tasty whole chicken with me!

MK: That is NOT what that line means!

BC: Then what does it mean, Miss Smarty-Pants?

MK: Bear! You can't use random lines you find on the internet if you don't understand what they mean!

BC: Of course I know what they mean! I like a girl ... she likes bacon ... I give her a strip of bacon ... she likes me ... she shares her tasty whole chicken with me!

MK: Maybe you should talk to The Boy and he can help you with ways to talk to girls.

BC: Phht. He got YOU ... not exactly a quality female.

MK: {sigh}. Great.

BC: OH! I can say, "I think it's time you know what other cats say behind your back. Nice unmentionables!"

MK: That makes no sense! If something's unmentionable, cats wouldn't be talking about it! Maybe you should just say "butt."

BC: But what?

MK: NO! BUTT instead of unmentionables.

BC: Just because you mention the unmentionables doesn't make them mentionable! Besides, I'm not a butt man ... I'm a breast man!
MK: Are we REALLY having this conversation?

BC: I don't understand! Why isn't she talking to me? As I always say, if you can't beat 'em ... sit on 'em until they stop moving! I'm sitting right here until she gets some sense.

MK: You're sitting on the DVD?

BC: Is it state the obvious day again?

MK: Never mind.

BC: And you say I don't play with anything you get for me! I'm totally gaming the cat.

MK: I was talking about toys I buy you that seem like a waste because you refuse to touch them!

BC: Hmph. Like watching a human play with toys she got me and is trying to induce me to play with is a waste! PLENTY of entertainment, if you know what I mean. I also observed that you'd make a horrible cat. No rhythm!
MK: I thought you loved your torties!
BC: I do! No cat is like a tortie! Torties are one-of-a-kind, magnificent, exquisite creatures!

MK: Then why do you care about the cat from the movie?
BC: Because she has chicken!
MK: Ah.
BC: Uh oh.
MK: Bear, it's not nice to use a ladycat just for her chicken.
BC: But I want a piece of her chicken! A piece of her meaty breast or her voluptuous butt ... I just want a piece of her chicken!
MK: Wait a ... you weren't checking out the cat at all ... you were checking out the chicken!
BC: How come you never give me any warning for state the obvious day?
MK: {sigh}.
BC: How's this: "Hey, Chick! If I followed you home, would you keep me?"
{Pause}
BC: WAIT! Why are you going to the closet? I'm not annoying ... wait a ... how about, "I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but ... I'm too sexy!"
{Silence}
BC: Sheesh. Are YOU in a bad mood today!
NOTE: "The Secret Life of Pets" pictures are from the movie's official page.

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