Bear vs. Bear

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Bear vs. Bear:
BC: You want to antagonize me? Antagonize me. MAKE MY DAY.

{Pause}
BC: That's IT! I've had enough of you, bear! You poop sucker! You ... you ... spawn of evility!
{Pause}
BC: Wipe that smug smile off your face or I'll do it FOR you, goat sniffer!
{Pause}
BC: I saw that! You WINKED at me, mother-meower. You want a date? Dream on! You're MY b!tch!
{Pause}
BC: Prepare to die!
{Pause}
BC: What? WHAT?!?! I heard that!

{Pause}
BC: Do I look like a pansy? You think I'm afraid to show you who's boss around here?
{Pause}
BC: You want a piece of this? Huh? You want a piece of this? Come get me!
{Pause}
BC: There's only room for ONE Bear in this house ... and I'm it!
{Pause}
BC: My Momma is MINE! MINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE!!! MINE!!!!!!! Bear Cat doesn't share!

{Pause}
BC: If you're one of those intellectual weaklings who believe in "sharing" ... let me tell you ... BEAR CAT DOES NOT SHARE.
{Pause}
BC: There's no where to run. It's just you and me!
{Pause}
BC: I see you quaking in your boots ... err ... fur. You're afraid. And you should be. Because I'm going to beat the stuffing out of you!

{Pause}
BC: I SMELL your fear! Err ... no. I farted. Excuse you.
{Pause}
BC: YEAH! TAKE THAT, BEAR!!! There's more where that came from!
{Pause}
BC: HEY! I saw that! You stuck up your middle claw at me! Prepare to be unstuffed!
{Pause}
BC: MOMMA! MoooooooooMMMMMMMA! The bear looked at me funny!!! He's MOCKING me! I shouldn't have to put up with this kind of disrespect in my own home!
MK: {from the other room} BEAR? What's going on in there?
{Silence}
BC: This isn't going to be quick. I'm going to make it slow and painful. I'm going to unstuff you piece by piece. And if you fight, I'm going to tell my Momma on you!
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIIIII-YAH!
{THUNK!}
BC: Ow.
{Pause}
BC: HEY! You moved the bear!
MK: You were about to destroy him.
BC: EXACTLY!
{Pause}
BC: How rude! You moved him JUST as I was charging and I ran into the wall!
MK: Bear ...
BC: Oh, I get it, bear. You're such a sissy that you require MY Momma to save you! Phht. At least I don't require my Momma to save me!
MK: Ummm ... actually ... I've saved you quite a few times. When you got your paw stuck in the toaster, or your body stuck in the handle of the plastic bag, or your hind leg in the peanut butter ... and any time it storms or you're scared, you hide behind me.
BC: Who asked you?
MK: Bear, the stuffed bear isn't alive.
BC: You're taking his side!
MK: He hasn't done anything to you!
BC: He mocks me! Look at his face!
MK: Bear, his face is always like that.
BC: Then let me rearrange it!
MK: No.
BC: He looks like a bird-brained, dim-witted, imbecile pantywaist.
MK: Just leave the bear alone, Bear.
BC: Yeah, bear! You heard my Momma! Leave me alone!
MK: No, Bear. I was telling YOU to leave HIM alone.
BC: You take his side!
MK: No. There's just no reason for you to fight a stuffed animal.
BC: He's trying to start something!

MK: Says the cat that was circling him and trying to beat the smack out of a stuffed animal.
BC: HEY! Stuffed animals can be dangerous! ESPECIALLY when they try to steal one's Momma.
MK: I'm still here, Bear.
BC: I saw you cuddling with him! Don't deny it! He was in MY FAVORITE spot!
MK: Bear ...
BC: Hmph. Don't BEAR me!!! Next thing you know, he'll be eating my food and playing with my toys! Or he'll get MY tasty whole chicken! He'll try to steal my favorite tortie! Bear doesn't share. Nope. NOT going to happen!

{Pause as Momma looks around the room}
MK: What the disgusting monkey muffin?
{Pause}
MK: Bear! Why is your kibble all over the floor?
BC: I didn’t do it!
MK: Bear, you’re the only living thing here that uses a food bowl and eats kibble.
BC: I was framed!
MK: By who? And don’t say Gary and Larry!

BC: Ummm ...

MK: Bear?

BC: You said not to say Gary and Larry! And now you get mad at me for NOT saying Gary and Larry.
MK: {sigh} Okay.

BC: It was Mary and Carrie.
MK: Aliens?
BC: So you’ve met them?
MK: Bear …
BC: No, no. I don’t know if they really exist. Gary and Larry might’ve been lying.
MK: The non-existent aliens lie?
BC: Non-existent aliens lie just like existent aliens!
MK: WHAT?
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: You spread the kibble all over the room!
MK: Why would I do that?
BC: To get me in trouble!
MK: You seem perfectly capable of getting in trouble on your own. You don't need my help ... or Gary, Larry, Carrie and Mary.
BC: Well, yeah, but …
MK: And why would I make a mess that I’ll have to clean up?
BC: That’s EXACTLY what I was wondering!
MK: I’m sure you were.
BC: You humans … never make any sense!
MK: The crazies after pooping? The grass always being greener on the other side of a closed door?
BC: Like humans are so perfect!
MK: You don’t see me spreading MY food all over the floor.
BC: You SHOULD. Especially tuna and tasty whole chickens.
MK: I’ve never eaten a tasty whole chicken. That sounds awfully feathery!

BC: It sounds TASTY! You should spread your food all over the place.

MK: Then I'd have to kill all the ants.

BC: You eat ants?

MK: No. They come out when food is left out.

BC: What ants?

MK: Exactly.

BC: Huh?

MK: Remember last summer when the ant invaded your food bowl?

BC: No.

MK: Exactly. I had to kill them.

BC: Is that a threat?

MK: NO! Why would ...
BC: On second thought, the teddy bear made this mess. I think he should be grounded. No! Kicked out! We don't need mess-making bears around here!
MK: Says the cat that ...
BC: The bear's getting away! He's getting away!!!
MK: BEAR! Bring him back here!
BC: I'm trying to catch him, Momma!
MK: He's in your mouth you pain in my behind!
BC: Don't worry Momma! I've got the miscreant!
{Pause}
BC: OOF!
MK: Give me the bear.
BC: Hi, Momma.
MK: You really should watch where you're going so you don't run into me.
BC: You try to carry this bear around in your mouth AND see what's in front of you.
MK: Uh huh.
BC: RATS! I was framed! At the last minute of my chase, he turned around and blocked my view! Don't worry, Momma! I'll teach this nefarious degenerate a lesson he can't forget! He was trying to get away! I swear!
MK: Do I really look that stupid?
BC: Is that a trick question?
MK: BEAR!
BC: I mean, you kind of DO look that stupid.
MK: {sigh}.
BC: Hey! If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question!

Featured posts of the day:

Momma's new teddy bear was introduced in The cat-ocalypse.
This isn't the first time Bear's attacked a stuffed bear ... The stupidity allowance.
Curious about Gary and Larry, Bear's "aliens?"

Gary and Larry were introduced in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 20 {"On Gary and Larry (and Bear's unique take on April Fool's Day)"}.
Gary and Larry return in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 27 {"Incatnating Bear (Gary and Larry - part 1)," "The lobster (Gary and Larry - part 2)," "The drinking game (Gary and Larry - part 3)," and "* * * - - - * * * ,"} and They've landed.