How to entertain a cat

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - How to entertain a cat:

BC: ARRRRRRRRG! Take THAT! And THIS!
{Pause}
BC: HIIIIII-YAH!
{Pause}
BC: BOOOOOOOO-YA, SUCKER!
MK: Beating the smack out of the Kleenex box you whacked off the table?
BC: Watch this! This is going to be a good one!
{Pause}
BC: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... {JUMP} {PLOP!}.
MK: Way to flatten the box.
BC: Its ego was too poofed up. I had to SMASH it down to size.
MK: That was quite the running, jumping, PLOP.
BC: Thank you.
MK: Are you bored?
BC: What's THAT have to do with anything?
MK: You're usually more likely to decimate inanimate objects when you're bored.
BC: It's not just inanimate objects! I tried to rip your legs off the other day when I was the shark.
MK: Ah, yes. Bear "The Jaws" Cat.
BC: I am bored though.

MK: Do you want to play?
BC: No. You know what would really be entertaining?

MK: Uh oh.
BC: When you pretend you don't know the wall is in front of you and you walk into it or trip over it! It's also really funny when you climb on the desk chair to pretend to reach something and it "TIMBER"s in slow motion! Hahahaha. That one cracks me up every time.

BC: No, no. That one where you wake up and pretend you don't know where the light switch is so you grope the wall like a drunk guy who mistakes a horse for his girlfriend!
MK: PRETEND?
BC: Even you aren't THAT big of an idiot to walk into a wall by accident or not know where the light switch is. We've lived here for TEN YEARS, Momma!

MK: Err ...
BC: Your look of surprise IS pretty convincing though. And the "I'm sorry"s crack me up every time! {In a mocking voice} "I'm so sorry I ran into you wall! My apologies!"

MK: Right. Let me grab the wand toy and we'll play.
BC: Whatever.

MK: Look, Bear! Feathers! Uh oh! We're running this way! We're about to get away, we're about to get away!
BC: {sniff, sniff, SNIIIIIFFFF} Hmmm ... there's a new smell ... oh, no wait ... just the same old, same old.

MK: And we're coming back around! You better get ready to pounce! We're running! We're running! Uh oh! We're getting away from you, Bear!
BC: {sniff, sniff, SNIIIIIFFFF} Yep. This one is DEFINITELY new. Hmmm. I wonder where it came from?

{Momma continues running in circles, meanwhile narrating the entire cavorting silliness, trying to get Bear to bite literally or figuratively}.
BC: {sitting still} {YAWN!}

MK: It got me! It got me! Come save me!!
BC: Huh. My butt feels dirty. {Lick, lick, lick-edy, LICK}.

MK: Okay, so no wand toy. How about mousie? Look, Bear! I've got mousie! I've got mousie! Mooooooouuu-SIE! {Momma tosses mousie down the hall}.
BC: Huh. One of my micey is missing. I know it was here a few minutes ago! Those #$%! micey ... can't behave ... can't trust them further than you can bat them on carpet!

MK: Uh oh! Mousie's down that hall! You better go get him, Bear!
BC: {YAWN}.

MK: I'm going to go get mousie! You better get him before I do! I'll do unspeakable things to him, Bear! He needs you to rescue him!
BC: Huh. My foot feels dirty. Did I hear something?

BC: Nope. That's just the dog upstairs. Chump.
MK: Come on, Bear! You said you were bored!
BC: I'm not bored! Anymore any way.
MK: But you're just SITTING there ... {sigh}.
BC: Watching you run around like a crazypants and playing with my toys. This is the best entertainment I've had in quite a while. A human that plays fetch! My friends will never believe this!
MK: I'm trying to play with you!
BC: Watching you play by yourself is far more fun. And I don't have to move. You lack the cuteness factor ... but you've got the ridiculous thing down.
{Silence}
MK: Come on, Bear!
{Silence}
MK: I know you hear me!
BC: Yep. My foot's DEFINITELY dirty.

{Silence}
MK: Treats?
BC: {jumping up} OOOOH!
MK: {walking toward the kitchen pantry to put the wand toy away}.
BC: The PANTRY?!?! TREATS! I'm going to get ...

MK: It's really sad when the only thing that gets your cat running is hearing the word treats.

BC: Where are my treats?

MK: You should've played!

BC: You needed the exercise! I'm not the one eating dozens of doughnuts a week!
MK: Not DOZENS! Err ... well, I mean ...
BC: You said treats!
MK: I didn't say I'd give you any. I just said the word.
BC: I HATE YOU!
{Momma opens the pantry to put the wand toy away}.

BC: {running inside the pantry} I'm not coming out until I get treats!

MK: Okay. Suit yourself.

BC: La de da de da . La la la ...

BC: Hmmm. I bet Momma put all those toys up there so I wouldn't be able to play with them. Something about requiring SUPERVISION. As IF! I haven't played with my toys in a while. But they're hanging all the way up there out of my reach!

BC: I'm going to show her! SUPERVISE THIS!

{Bear jumps on the counter and tries to figure out how to get at the toys hanging on a hook in the pantry}

BC: {standing on the counter and reaching around the corner into the pantry} Almost ... al ... most ... AHA! Got you! Come to papa!

BC: {as he's pulling the toy toward him, his claw accidentally loses hold of it} RATS! Lost it! So close!

BC: Maybe I can pull one down if I take a flying leap from the other counter ...

{Bear jumps to the counter on the other side of the kitchen}.

BC: {preparing to jump} CAT-A-BUNGA ... {Bear flies from the far counter into the door, snagging the toy with his claw on the way down}. AHA! Dang it! It's still attached to the hook!
{Bear plays tug of war with the hook for a few minutes}
BC: RATS! Maybe if I walk away ...

BC: {Bear tries to walk away with the toy is his mouth ... the other part is still attached to the hook} Come on, stupid piece of ...

BC: I can't pull it any farther! Stupid hook!

{Bear turns around to pull, tug-of-war style}

BC: Maybe if I just ... {Bear uses his claws to un-hook the toy from his fangs ... and accidentally loses hold of it as it goes springing back into the pantry} @#$% it!

{Bear once again grabs his toy by flying from the far counter to the pantry and snagging the toy with his claw on the way down}

BC: Gotcha this time!!! I'm not letting go ... so take that!

{Once Bear gets to the farthest reach of the toy stuck on the hook ... he jiggles it a little bit}

BC: {getting it free} YES!!!!! Take that mother-meower!

BC: {prancing around with one end of the toy in his mouth and dragging the rest behind him} Look at me, Momma! I killed it! I showed it who's boss!

MK: {sigh} Good job, Bear!

BC: {Bear prances around the house showing the walls, his toys, everything ... his conquest} I'm going to show all my toys! They'll fear me from now on!

BC: Huh. Now what?

MK: {mumbling to herself} Figures. I try to play with him and he ignores me while I'm running around like a chicken with its head chopped off. He thinks he's not supposed to play and he has to prove he can.

BC: It's not doing anything, Momma! It's supposed to DO something!!! This is stupid!
{Bear drops the toy and goes over to Momma}

MK: Can I cuddle my ferocious hunter?

BC: Even savage beasts like ear rubs! Oooooh! And BELLY rubs! {Bear jumps on Momma's lap}. I'll take some belly rubs!

{Bear stands on Momma's lap so she can reach underneath him and give him a belly massage}.

BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ...

{Pause}

MK: {sniff, sniff} You did it again, didn't you?

BC: I have no idea WHAT you're talking about! BYE!

MK: EVERY TIME, Bear. EVERY TIME!!!!

BC: I have no idea what you're talking about!

MK: Rub a cat belly ... get a fart. Like a poorly groomed genie in a bottle, but without the three wishes. Ugh.

Note on pictures ... the pictures of Bear on the counter trying to reach his toy and playing tug of war with the hook in the pantry are actually from seven years ago (WAY before we started our blog). I came across them again as I was looking for another picture for our new collage in the sidebar and decided these were too good not to share on the blog. Bear Cat's a ferocious and savage hunter, right? I wish I could capture his prance ... it's too cute to see his pride at "besting" Momma and his "prey." 😊

Featured posts of the day:

To read about Bear trying to rip off Momma's legs as part of a game ... I'm the shark.
To read more about Momma's foray into making cheap, easy, and quick homemade toys (like the toy he plays tug-of-war with in this post) to keep Bear occupied ... Claws and Fangs at Play (homemade edition).
For prior reference to Bear's "silent killer" farts ... On Bear's "potency," from "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 14.