Bolt Cathack Returns

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - Bolt Cathack Returns:

BC: OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

{Pause}
BC: In the name of Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest ... OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!
MK: {laying in bed in the other room} What the ...
BC: Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest will see you now!
{Pause}
BC: You may kiss my paw!
{Pause}
BC: I rule this kingdom mother-meower!
{Pause}
BC: Why yes! I AM the most handsome Male Princess in the universe!
MK: Because you're the ONLY Male Princess in the universe!
BC: Momma style ... Get off the counter!
{Pause}
BC: Stop shredding that!
{Pause}
BC: Get your paw ... err ... hand out of the toaster!
{Pause}
MK: Are you mocking me now?
BC: Phht. I'd need ten dozen doughnuts for that.
MK: {walking into the room} What in the name of ...
BC: In the name of Male Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest!

MK: Why would you think wearing a plunger on your head is an accurate way to mock me?
BC: I wasn't mocking you at first! I was practicing my princess-ship!
MK: Why are you wearing a plunger on your head? And what happened to the rest of it?

BC: Well, see, I was celebrating the New Year in the bathroom ... one thing lead to another ... and I found where you've been hiding my tiara!
MK: Wait ... wait ... wait ... celebration in the bathroom?

BC: And then this stupid stick was stuck on my tiara, so I had to get it off. I thought the stick might make a nice scepter ... but then I found what I'm assuming is my true scepter.

MK: {walking into the bathroom} BEAR CAT KAT! I don't even know where to start!

{Pause}

MK: {looking around} Let me get this straight. To celebrate the NEW YEAR, you cleared the shelves above the toilet into the toilet.

BC: OBVIOUSLY. How ELSE would I celebrate the New Year? And when your hairbrush fell, it hit the hiding spot for my tiara! When the brush hit it, it knocked the container open to reveal my tiara!

BC: Then, I had to get the stupid stick off my tiara ... and when the stick went flying, another container was knocked open and I found my scepter! I tried out a couple other things to see if they'd work better as a scepter ... but your toothbrush and the stick once attached to my tiara weren't nearly as fancy enough. Now I'm ready to address my subjects.

MK: Let me get this straight ... you think the toilet plunger is your tiara and the toilet brush is your scepter?

BC: I'm not stupid. You just WANT me to think my tiara is a plunger and my scepter is a toilet brush. Now I know where you're hiding them!
MK: With the toilet brush as a scepter and the plunger on your head as a tiara, you're only fit to rule the bathroom, Bear.
BC: Shows what you know! Look! My loyal subjects are awaiting my instructions!

BC: {jumping back on the kitchen table} MALE Princess Buttercup will see you now!

MK: Princessing for Dummies?

BC: I want to be a good Male Princess!

MK: For DUMMIES?

BC: RATS! OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! Impertinence will not be tolerated!

MK: {laughing} As tempted as I am to leave you like this ... no matter HOW appropriate it might be ... no matter how hilarious this is ... GIVE ME the plunger head and the toilet brush, Bear!

BC: OVER MY DEAD BODY!

MK: That can be arranged!

BC: RATS! I HATE YOU!

{Ten minutes pass as Momma cleans up the bathroom ...}

BC: Bolt Cathack returns!
MK: {from the bathroom} WHAT?
BC: Bolt Cathack returns!
MK: Bear, that name brings to mind a particularly skittish hairball.
{Silence}
MK: {sigh} Where?
BC: It's a surprise.
MK: Lovely.
BC: I've been wondering what your tough nickname would be. OLD ...
MK: Bear, you've been warned twice by one of our readers about labeling me as old because she's the same age as I am. And she happens to be the Mommy of your favorite tortie.
BC: RATS! I'll be tortie-less for the rest of my lives!
MK: I hate to break it to you, but your first encounters with a tortie didn't go so well. And Kitty was only one-third tortie!

MK: Maybe you and torties are not such a great idea. Especially if you can't behave.

BC: It wasn't all bad!

MK: I think, *** "if you can't behave" ***, was the important part of that statement.

BC: RATS!
MK: Then again, misbehaving is your biggest problem in just about every case. Perhaps your best bet for a girlfriend is the stuffed cat I got for Christmas.

BC: I'm never going to get laid!

MK: Ummm ... Bear ... I think ...

BC: I just want a pretty girl kitty to lay with.

MK: Ahh ... lay as in snuggle.

BC: What else would I mean?

MK: I have NO IDEA! But I'm thinking the whole plunger on your head, toilet brush in your paw thing is an even bigger impediment to tortie-ness. Torties don't suffer fools lightly. You could try to behave.

BC: I'd even stop de-stuffing the comforter if ...

MK: AGAIN?

BC: RATS!
MK: Let's see ... Last week ...

MK: Earlier last week ...

MK: Three days ago ...

MK: Yesterday ....

BC: I'm trying to celebrate the New Year!

MK: For the whole two weeks ahead of time? How many times have I caught you un-stuffing the comforter?
BC: HEY! It's not my fault that you're too lazy to sew the holes shut!

MK: HOLES?!? With an S?

BC: RATS! If you were as busy SEWING the holes shut as you are taking pictures of them, you wouldn't have this problem!
MK: Bear ... if I pin it closed, you're "special" enough that you'd mess with the pin and pierce your lip. I sew the hole closed and you make another one.
BC: Don't get mad at me! If you'd closed the cover on the toilet, I couldn't have have knocked stuff into it ... if you hid my tiara and scepter better, I wouldn't have found them ... and if you'd sewn up the holes, I wouldn't be able to de-stuff the comforter!
MK: So this is my fault?
BC: Who ELSE would be at fault?
MK: Bear, just because you have the OPPORTUNITY to cause trouble doesn't mean you have to do it.
BC: I'm a CAT!
MK: Touche.
BC: TOO-SHAY YOU! You'll pay for this!
MK: As if I haven't already, Bolt Cathack.
BC: That's Male Princess Buttercup Bolt Cathack Black Bear Cat of the Forest to YOU!

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