The Santa ship sails

In a short twenty-four hour time frame, Bear assured his status on Santa's naughty list. As if our LAST post didn't contain enough shenanigans ... he needs to overachieve at being a naughty cat JUST to prove he can. At the end of the post, you'll see a teaser for part 2, Wednesday's post, and the continuation of the story. And as usual, Bear's not sorry. Well, until Santa doesn't bring his tasty whole chickens anyway!

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The Santa ship sails:
BC: MoooooommmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMA! OWWWWW!
MK: WHAT? WHAT'S WRONG? BEAR!
BC: What happened to YOU?
MK: I was in the shower! What's wrong?
BC: Why is your eye scrunched up funny?
MK: Because I was IN THE SHOWER and I have shampoo in my hair.
BC: Why would shampoo in your HAIR cause a problem in your EYE?
MK: {sigh} One of THOSE "emergencies." I can't believe I fell for this AGAIN!
BC: WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
MK: To get back in the shower and rinse my hair.
BC: Your hair is more important than me!
MK: Oh for ...
BC: I'm desirous of imminent sustenance!
MK: What the ... ?
BC: I'm STARVING!
MK: I fed you five minutes ago before I got in the shower.
BC: I KNOW! I BARELY made it this long! I thought I'd pass out after a few minutes.
MK: Bear, it takes you time to eat. I put down your wet food treat five minutes ago. You probably finished it right before you meowed like you're dying.
BC: I AM dying! I'm HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNGRY!
MK: Then have some kibble. I just filled your bowl too.
BC: OH! My stomach just digested itself!
MK: No.
BC: OH! My small intestine! My small intestine! I feel weak!
{THUNK!}
BC: Ow.
MK: Are you okay?
BC: Yeah. I was walking and wasn't paying attention and I walked into the wall.
MK: So you didn't pass out from starvation?
BC: RATS!
{Pause}
BC: I passed out! I passed out! From STARVATION!
MK: You're ridiculous!
BC: No. I'm FAMISHED! RAVENOUS. ESURIENT!
MK: I don't care WHAT synonym you use. It doesn't change anything. Eat your kibble.
BC: But ... but ... I'm hungry as a bear!
MK: You ARE a Bear!
BC: No! A grizzly bear!
MK: Kibble.
BC: I'm so hungry, I could eat the north end of a southbound bear!
MK: {sigh}.
BC: I could eat a hippo!
MK: I'd like to see that.
BC: I could eat a horse between two bread vans ... AND the vans!
MK: I'm getting back in the shower now!
BC: I'm FUNGRY!
MK: {pausing} What the?
BC: I'm {BLEEP}ING HUNGRY!
MK: More hungry than you were when you were homeless?
BC: NO! Why would I be THAT hungry? What does that have to .... oh.
MK: Can I finish my shower now?
BC: Hmph. If you can finish it meanwhile knowing I might die from starvation before you get out.
MK: Bye.
BC: HEY!
{Fifteen minutes pass ... and Momma sits down to work at the computer}.
BC: {jumping on the table next to where Momma works} I don't know HOW you could forget, but I'm hungry. What the ... this ... this ... STUFF is in my way! I can't sit on the edge of the table and stare at you with this STUFF in the way. It doesn't belong there! That's MY spot!

MK: You aren't getting any more food.
BC: But ... I'm STARVING! And this STUFF is in MY spot!
MK: You have a full bowl of kibble, Bear.
BC: Last warning ... okay ... you made me do this ...
{PINK!}
{The glass falls to the floor}.

MK: BEAR!
BC: You made me do it, Momma. I'm not sorry.

{THUNK!}
{The soda bottle falls to the floor}.

MK: BEAR!

BC: That's better. AHHHHHHHH. MY spot! The view is much better from here.

MK: REALLY?!? I mean, REALLY?!?

BC: The soda bottle and your glass were in MY spot at the edge of the table.

MK: So you had to clear them off the table?

{Silence}

BC: Was that a question?

{Pause}

BC: I'm hungry.

MK: Bear, you had your wet food treat twenty minutes ago! And you have a full bowl of kibble too!

BC: Well, it's not full anymore!

MK: {sigh}. Where did you barf?

BC: It's a surprise.

MK: You just can't tolerate not getting your way, can you?

BC: As if there IS any other way!

MK: So now I have TWO messes to clean up?

BC: No.

MK: No?

BC: No. I need cuddles right now. I'll just settle in right here ... on your lap.

MK: Awwww ... I love you ...

BC: But don't touch me!

MK: What's the point of sitting on my lap if you don't want me to pet you?

{Silence}

MK: Ooooooookay!
{Five minutes pass ... Momma tries to pet Bear again ...}
BC: NO TOUCHY, Momma! NO. TOUCHY!!!
MK: You're sitting in my lap, Bear!
BC: Sitting in your lap doesn't give you the right to touch me! NO TOUCHY!
MK: {sigh} Okay, okay. No touchy.
BC: You're welcome!
MK: Wh ... never mind. I don't want to know.

BC: You touched me!
MK: No, I didn't.
BC: YES, you did! Your arm touched my ear.
MK: I was reaching the keyboard ... not touching you!
BC: Then don't reach for the keyboard!
MK: Then how am I supposed to work?
BC: Like that's MY problem! Your job is as my warm lap. Now, NO TALKY either! Maybe ONE DAY, they'll invent laps that are quiet. Sheesh. Chatty laps all up in a cat's grill.

{Bear leisurely lays in Momma's lap for an hour ... not wanting to be touched ... until the doorbell rings and Bear digs his back claw into Momma's leg to launch himself off her lap so he can hide under the bed}.

Teaser for part 2 ... or the rest of Bear's day of assuring he lands on Santa's naughty list ...

Featured posts of the day:

To read the last post of shenanigans referenced in the introduction: Cat v. Kat.
To read about what Bear wants for Christmas and to read the correspondence between Bear and Santa ...

In ... for a cat, Bear comes up with a scheme for Santa to judge cats on a curve.
To read more about Bear's spot on the table, from which he likes to watch Momma work ...