... for a cat

BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - ... for a cat:
BC: So I've been thinking ...

MK: Wha? ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BC: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MK: You seriously have got to KNOCK THAT OFF, Bear!

BC: Well then, you should knock off sleeping when I require a consultation!
MK: But do you really have to climb on my side with your nose in my ear and just STARE at me until I wake up?
BC: You don't like waking up to a wet nose in your ear?
MK: NO!
BC: Even when it's MY wet nose?
MK: Well ...
{Pause}
MK: I'm an ENABLER!
BC: You don't ENABLE ANYthing! I do what I ...
MK: Come here, Bug.
BC: PUT ME ... DOWN! NO! I require a consultation! This isn't a social call! PUT ME DOWN OR I'LL ...
{Momma wraps Bear in her arms next to her on the bed}
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
MK: I love you, Bug.
BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRR ... yeah, right th ... OOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! BELLY RUB! SCORE!
{Pause}
BC: PURR ... wait a ... {CHOMP!}

MK: OWW!
BC: Business cat!

MK: You can't give me a warning when you switch moods?
BC: I'm a cat! We switch moods like you switch ... you switch ... switch ... RATS! You do everything the same all the time!
{Pause}
BC: UNDERWEAR!
MK: Excuse me?
BC: You change your underwear! Not as often as my moods change ... but you know.
MK: {sigh}.

BC: So I've been thinking ...
MK: Why do I have a feeling I'm going to regret this?
BC: You will "regret this" if you keep up the commentary.

MK: I'm sorry. Continue.
BC: How thoughtful of you. Seeing as this is why I had to wake you up. But ANYWAY. So I was thinking about Santa's naughty and nice lists.
MK: Yeah.
BC: Is that graded on a curve?
MK: A what?
BC: A CURVE. CEE-YOU-ARR ...
MK: {sigh} No, I heard that part ...
BC: Thank the kitty gods! I thought I'd have to find a new way to shock you out of sleep in an emergency.

MK: WHAT?
BC: An EEE-EMM ...
MK: BEAR! Stop spelling stuff! I heard you, I just didn't know what you meant!
BC: Well, an emergency is ..
MK: NO! I understand the meaning of the WORD ... I just don't know how YOU mean it!
BC: If you couldn't hear anymore, I couldn't dramatically barf in the middle of the night when I require ear scratches.

{Silence}
MK: {sigh}.
{Pause}
BC: Now STOP interrupting!
MK: I'm ... {sigh} okay.
BC: We all know that dogs are somewhat dim ...

MK: Be careful, Bear. We have canine readers.
BC: Err ... cats are more ... umm ... independently spirited and umm ... fickle. So we have a tendency to be more ... err ... complicated.
MK: You mean, more likely to misbehave for no other reason than to prove something. Unlike a dog who misbehaves because something is truly fun.
BC: Err ... yeah!
{Pause}
BC: So when Santa decides which cats are naughty or nice, he should compare a cat against other cats.
MK: You mean on a curve of normal cat behavior.
BC: EXACTLY! Sheesh! You compare us objectively to a dog and we look like little sh ... err ... devils.
{Pause}
BC: Why are you LAUGHING?
MK: Because I KNOW INTIMATELY what you just said.

BC: SEE! We should be judged on a ... HEY! Wait a MINUTE! What did you mean by ...

MK: Since I'm clearly NOT sleeping anymore ... I'm getting up.
{Fumbling in the dark}
{A bell jingles}
MK: @#$%! it! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
BC: HEY! That's my toy! You can't play with my toy!
MK: I wasn't PLAYING with it, you pain in the ... I stepped on it! And it really hurt!
BC: You meant IT was a pain ... not me, right?
MK: {sigh} Sure.
BC: I thought so! I'm tired. NAP TIME! When I wake up, I think I should get to work on our blog's gift guide.
MK: You can't have my credit card. Or any tasty whole chickens.
BC: But how can I prepare a gift guide if I don't try out any GIFTS?
MK: I hardly think our readers want to read about your latest hairball. Or how you left one of your toys in my bed.
BC: HEY! Those require A LOT of work! The least you could do is APPRECIATE them!
{Momma rolls her eyes}
BC: Hmmm ... a lot of work for a cat anyway. Maybe this "cat standard" thing should apply to anything used to evaluate cats. "That was a lot of work ... for a cat." Or, "He was a good boy ... for a cat." Maybe, "He didn't sleep a whole lot ... for a cat." "He wasn't brutal much ... for a cat." Our collective feline reputation would improve considerably.
MK: "He didn't break much ... for a cat."
BC: EXACT ...
MK: "He didn't steal much ... for a cat."
BC: Wait a ...
MK: "He listened pretty well ... for a cat."
BC: STOP THAT! The down-side is that our key virtues would INCREASE the standard.
MK: Key virtues? Hahahahahahaha.
BC: What do you ... HEY! Cats have VIRTUES!
MK: Like?
BC: Like ... like ... WE'RE CUTE! We're SMART! Well, mostly.
{Pause}
BC: We're independent! We're not blindly loyal! You know that when we act as if we like you that we really ... oh, hmmm ... {mumbling to himself} just want something.
{Pause}
BC: BACK TO THE GIFT GUIDE! I need gifts to evaluate.
MK: You have a GAZILLION toys!
BC: You ruin EVERYTHING!
MK: By making you play with your own toys?
BC: YES!
{Pause}
BC: NO!
{Pause}
BC: I DON'T KNOW! I'm taking a nap!
{Five minutes pass ...}
MK: He IS awfully cute ... when he's sleeping ... even for a cat.

Featured posts of the day:

Bear's concerned about Santa's naughty/nice lists since he received his replies from Santa ...

To read more about the cat shaming signs ... Momma's revenge.
To read more about Bear's hijinks ... Bears Behaving Badly (or at least regrettably).
Bear's "brutality" (otherwise known as furry fury) was documented in ... And your little teeth too.
Bear doesn't mind waking Momma up ... it usually happens at least once a night and he always has a reason (or ten) ...