The bait

BC: Bear Cat

MK: Momma Kat

Daily conversation - The bait {Pinkie Mouse in the White House, part 2}:

BC: Momma? We need some bait.

MK: I'm going to regret this ... Why?

BC: Because elections always include the bait!

MK: The bait?

BC: You know, where we stand around and insult each other and act all personable.

MK: How do you insult each other and pull off being personable?

{Pause}

BC: Cat-able. Feline-able?

MK: What are you ...

BC: There's usually another guy who asks questions of the candidates!

MK: Debate?

BC: That's what I said! We need THE BAIT for a proper election!

MK: Ummm ... Bear?

BC: Your Momma!

MK: Wait, no ...

BC: Your butt is so big, a doughnut hole looks small.

MK: Err ... Excuse me?

BC: Knock knock.

MK: WHAT?!?!

BC: KNOCK KNOCK. Sheesh. You're supposed to answer the door!

MK: You mean say, "Who's there?"

BC: That's what I said!

MK: {sigh} Who's there?

BC: Funny.

MK: Funny who?

BC: Funny ... NOT YOU!

{Pause}

BC: I bring humor to the office of the anti-tyrant. You bring ... bring ... tyranny!

MK: But ...

BC: Okay! Time to talk about the issues now.

MK: Ummm ...

BC: What's the difference between you and an egg? An egg gets laid.

MK: HEY!
BC: If you're gonna be a smart-a**, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you're just an a**.

MK: Hey! Wait a ...

BC: Isn’t it rather dangerous to use one’s entire vocabulary in a single sentence?

{Pause}

BC: OOOOh! This is a good bait!

MK: Bear, it's a DE-BATE. Not BAIT!
BC: I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

MK: These aren't ISSUES ... they're INSULTS!

BC: Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
MK: DE-BATE! As Merriam-Webster defines it ... "a discussion between people in which they express different opinions about something."

BC: What language are you speaking? Because it sounds like bull****.

MK: Hello, tall, dark and obnoxious!

{Pause}

MK: That sounded better in my head.

BC: You should probably keep all your thoughts there.

MK: Says the cat that aspired to be a "cat rapper," or, "crapper," with the tagline, "I drop more than beats!"

BC: I don't mind that you're talking as long as you don't mind that I'm ignoring you.

MK: And I didn't think there could be a bigger circus than the Presidential debates this year. Leave it to a cat.

BC: Not my circus, not my monkeys.

MK: Hmmm. Monkey being oddly appropriate for both candidates. Except that it kind of is everyone's problem.

BC: Okay, so we've had the part of the bait where we claim we're talking about issues but instead insult one another ...

MK: Ummm ... technically, I didn't insult you because I couldn't get a word in ...

BC: What's your position on tasty whole chickens?

MK: Bear, if the voters are your toys, what use do they have for tasty whole chickens?

BC: Do you hear the condescension, toys? Tyranny thinks you have no right to tasty whole chickens! Vote for Tyranny ... and no tasty whole chickens for you!

MK: That's not what I ...

BC: What's your position on privacy for our voters?

MK: They're TOYS!
BC: "Just TOYS!"

MK: I didn't say ...
BC: Hear that, toys? Tyranny marginalizes you! Tyranny refuses to give you equal rights! When you vote, remember that, to Tyranny, you are "just" toys!

MK: Wait a ...
BC: Foreign policy.
MK: I can't BELIEVE this!
BC: Walk softly with a big claw.
MK: What?
BC: No, no. Walk softly with big FANGS!
MK: Do I get to share my ...
BC: BOOM! The bait is OVER!
MK: Wait!
{Pause}
BC: That reminds me. It will cost your stuffed animals five dollars each to vote.
MK: WHAT?! I thought you said this was a FREE ELECTION?
BC: Well, I figure you have WAY more stuffed animals than I have toys, so I'm bound to lose. At least this way, I'll have the money to buy a tasty whole chicken. Or ten.
MK: That's extortion!
BC: I can do whatever I want; I'M A CAT!
MK: And you call ME Tyranny.
BC: Okay, Tyranny. Time for ...

MK: STOP CALLING ME THAT!
BC: SEE! TYRANNY!
MK: But ...
BC: Time for press shots!
MK: You've GOT to be kidding me! I am not taking pictures of myself.
BC: OBVIOUSLY! Voters want to see ME! MEMEMEMEMEME!
MK: You might just be a politician after all.
BC: Thank you!
{Pause}
BC: How's this? {Bear mugs for the camera}. This??? {Bear mugs for the camera}.

BC: Do I look regal this way? {Bear turns sideways to mug for the camera}.

BC: Do I look pensive this way? {Bear faces forward again but looks down to mug for the camera}.

BC: Time for a close up!!!

BC: TOO CLOSE! TOO CLOSE!

MK: {sigh} You ARE cute.

BC: I don't get by just on my looks, Momma! I'm a very serious business cat, you know!

MK: {reaching out} Even business cats like ear rubs, right?

BC: I guess. If I ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... have ... PURRRR ... to ...

MK: Poor you.

BC: PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

MK: I love you, Bug.

BC: My revolution can wait another ... PURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR {sigh} ... day.

Featured posts of the day:

Pinkie Mouse in the White House, part 1.
You can read more about Momma's mistreatment of Pinkie Mouse in The ignominious scandal.
Last summer, Bear briefly considered running for President (this is also the post where Bear proposes being a 'crapper') ... Momma's Sad . . . and Bear For President!
Bear has quite the history of acting tough (Momma calls him Mr. Tough Pants) ... here are a few examples: