Don't rub it in!

MK: Momma Kat
BC: Bear Cat

Daily conversation - Don't rub it in!:
MK: Hi, Bear! I missed you so much!
BC: OOh! OUTSIDE! I LOVE outside!!
MK: Hey! I just got home after two days and all you care about is ...
BC: Oh, it's cold! My cute little butt is cold. I'm turning into a catsicle! I want to be inside!
{Bear runs inside}
MK: Let's try this again.
{Pause}
MK: {walking through the front door, again} Hi, Bear! I missed you so much!
BC: Eh. It's you.

MK: Who else would it be?
BC: A tasty whole chicken.
MK: How many tasty whole chickens have walked through our front door?
BC: There's a first time for everything.

MK: Wait! Where are you going? I missed you!
BC: Eh. It's time for my 6:27 groom and nap.
MK: But ...
BC: My litter box needs scooping.

MK: Well, okay ...
BC: And my food bowl is empty.
MK: Whenever I leave you for a day or two, I give you two bowls of food. Your regular bowl is overflowing still.
BC: My favorite food bowl is empty.
MK: The empty one isn't usually your food bowl!
BC: Rub it in, why don't you?
MK: Bear, whenever your regular bowl is in the dishwasher you refuse to eat food out of the bowl you now claim is your favorite.
BC: I lose track. So many empty bowls!
MK: You only have one food bowl, Bear.

BC: Rub it in, why don't you! I TOLD you you were starving me!

MK: Says the fourteen pound cat.

BC: Rub it in, why don't you?!?!? I should be a strapping twenty pound boy!

MK: {sigh} At twenty pounds, you'd be less strapping and more lumping.

BC: Just rub it in!

MK: STOP saying that! I'm not rubbing anything in!

BC: That's for sure!

MK: Wait, what?

BC: {flicking his tail and walking away} Can't touch this!
MK: What the ...
BC: Sheesh! It's ridiculous that humans are so challenged that I have to explain so you feel the burn! I meant that you don't get to rub anything in because you're not allowed to touch me!
MK: {following Bear} Awwww ... Bear! You left me your toys as presents in my bed! You missed me!

BC: Were you repeatedly dropped on your head as a young child?

MK: I don't think so ...

BC: I didn't mean that LITERALLY ... I meant ... oh, never mind!

MK: Okay, then. I'll just leave you to your cantankerousness.

{Momma leaves the room to go to the kitchen to get something to drink}

BC: {sitting at the entrance to the kitchen} HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!

MK: Umm ... hi?

BC: You haven't fed me my wet food treat for three days! I'm hungry, Momma!

MK: I thought you weren't talking to me?

BC: Well, that was before you went to the kitchen! Did I mention I'm STARVING?

MK: Only about sixteen times.

BC: I'm STARVING! Seventeen.

MK: I didn't mean that LITERALLY, Bear.

BC: Yeah, MOCK me and see what "presents" you get next time you leave me.

MK: Let's see ... last week you barfed on me WHILE I was sleeping. And in the same overnight period, you left a HUGE smear of poop across the carpet ...

BC: Like YOUR poop doesn't stink! Or doesn't require wiping!

MK: Then I kept smelling poop after I cleaned that up ... and I found the poop nugget you kicked under the couch ...

BC: You're the one that always complains that I don't cover my business!

MK: IN THE LITTER BOX!

BC: Whatever. I'm hungry. Feed me.

MK: You don't need a wet food treat, Bear.

BC: Fine! I hate you!

MK: You're still sitting there.

BC: In case you change your mind.

MK: Ah. I have some work to do.

BC: {laying down on Momma's coat, next to where she's working} Great. I'll just sit here and WASTE AWAY since you're STARVING me.

MK: I totally forgot to put everything away. I just dropped my coat, keys, and mail to pet you and got distracted by your less than exuberance at my return.

BC: "Less than exuberance?" I'd call it one big "eh." Well, unless you feed me a wet food treat.

MK: Because you're wasting away.

BC: SEE! You FINALLY noticed!

MK: Oh, for the love ...

{Momma turns around and starts to work}

BC: I'm dying! DYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING! I'm emaciated! I haven't eaten for weeks! And NO ONE CARES!

MK: Could you keep it down over there? I'm trying to get tomorrow's blog post together. Maybe you could waste away in silence?

BC: And you wonder why I don't mind when you're gone!!!

{Pause}

BC: HMPH! You leave me for DAYS so you can dine on luscious turkey and GRAVY and all I get is a second food bowl for a few days! And you didn't even bring me any turkey!

MK: Bear, last time I gave you turkey, you turned up your nose.

BC: I DID NOT!

MK: Ummm ... yeah, you did. Actually, now that I think about it, the rest is in the freezer still because I meant to try again and forgot.

BC: But I had turkey last week!

MK: What? Wait a ... Bear, that was cat food turkey.

BC: EXACTLY! REAL turkey. With GRAVY. Everyone knows REAL turkey comes in a can with "Licksies" on the label ... and the contents are smothered in tasty gravy.

MK: Ummm ... Bear?

BC: I DIDN'T DO IT!

MK: The turkey I had on Thanksgiving didn't come from a can.

BC: WHAT?!?! Then it's NOT real turkey! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

MK: Bear...

BC: Sheesh! The LEAST you could do to celebrate Thanksgiving is eat REAL turkey like the pilgrims did!

MK: Ummm, Bear?

BC: I DIDN'T DO IT!

MK: Stop saying that every time I say your name!

BC: Then stop accusing me of stuff!

MK: So you didn't barf on me WHILE I was sleeping?

BC: Well, that was just a case of bad aim.

MK: And the poop smear and nugget?

BC: I like to think outside of the box!

MK: Never mind. The "Licksies" company didn't exist in the time of the pilgrims.

BC: WHAT?!?! LIES!!! Leave it to humans to celebrate a holiday as it didn't originally happen! Next thing you know, you'll tell me Jesus wasn't born under a Christmas tree!

MK: I have a headache now, thanks. Want to snuggle?

BC: Hmph. I'm too weak to walk to the bedroom. Because I'm STARVING!

MK: Okay. Suit yourself. I'm laying down.

{Momma goes to the kitchen}

BC: HIIIIII!