MK: Momma Kat
Daily conversation - How to get to ... :
BC: I finished my map for you. I worked really, REALLY hard on it, Momma!
MK: What map?
BC: Remember the other day when I told you to get a hold of yourself because I've NEVER seen you this upset? You've been acting LOST and unable to find your way! So I suggested I draw you a map. A map from feeling heartbroken, unlovable, unwant-able, not good enough, etc to chasing me around again like the crazy Momma you are because it's crazy fun!
MK: Uh oh.
BC: I just need you to draw it up because my paw-writing takes me FOREVER!
{Pause}
BC: Grab some markers, a pen, and some paper.
MK: YES, SIR!
BC: That's Male Princess Black Bear Cat of the Forest to you!
MK: How could I forget?
BC: You aren't exactly the sharpest claw on the paw.
{Pause}
BC: Remember the other day when I told you to get a hold of yourself because I've NEVER seen you this upset? You've been acting LOST and unable to find your way! So I suggested I draw you a map. A map from feeling heartbroken, unlovable, unwant-able, not good enough, etc to chasing me around again like the crazy Momma you are because it's crazy fun!
MK: Uh oh.
BC: I just need you to draw it up because my paw-writing takes me FOREVER!
{Pause}
BC: Grab some markers, a pen, and some paper.
MK: YES, SIR!
BC: That's Male Princess Black Bear Cat of the Forest to you!
MK: How could I forget?
BC: You aren't exactly the sharpest claw on the paw.
{Pause}
MK: Bear, where are all of our pens?
BC: For real! Every time I need a pen, I can't find one either!
MK: Bear ...
BC: WHAT!?!? How should I ... oh. Uh oh.
MK: Where are they?
BC: I have no idea what you're talking about.
MK: If you knew where the pens are, where would they be?
BC: You mean, "If Gary and Larry stole our pens, where would they be?"
MK: {sigh} Exactly. If the ALIENS stole our pens.
BC: My tasty whole chicken's on under the couch.
MK: Your what?
BC: You humans usually say, "My money's on ..." I don't care about money. But I DO care about tasty whole chickens.
MK: I'm sorry I ...
{Pause}
MK: BEAR! There are close to twenty pens under the couch! Where did you get all these pens?
BC: I think you mean, "Where did Gary and Larry get all these pens?"
MK: {mumbling to herself as she digs out the pen stash from under the couch} I swear ...
BC: Oooh! Ooh! That's my FAVORITE PEN! I was so mad when I lost him under ...
{Pause}
BC: RATS!
BC: Anyway. Back to the map at paw. We'll start with a cat's directions to healing. I included it to remind you that being a cat is so much more fun.
MK: Great. Why do I have the feeling that I don't want to know?
MK: Great. Why do I have the feeling that I don't want to know?
BC: OF COURSE you want to know! Everyone wants to be the fabulousness that is a cat!
MK: {sigh} Go on.
BC: {AHEM!} The cat's path to healing ... by Bear Cat Kat. This should be in gray.
MK: Oooookay.
BC: First step ... break something.
MK: Oooookay.
BC: First step ... break something.
MK: Why am I NOT surprised?
BC: Second step ... claw furniture.
MK: Just furniture? What about the other things you destroy ... like the carpet or the blinds?
BC: I'm sorry ... who's dictating this to whom? Who's the expert cat around here?
MK: Sorry.
BC: OBVIOUSLY. Next step ... bite someone.
MK: You're DEFINITELY good at that one.
BC: Thank you. It helps to bite that someone as many times as possible.
{Pause}
BC: Second step ... claw furniture.
MK: Just furniture? What about the other things you destroy ... like the carpet or the blinds?
BC: I'm sorry ... who's dictating this to whom? Who's the expert cat around here?
MK: Sorry.
BC: OBVIOUSLY. Next step ... bite someone.
MK: You're DEFINITELY good at that one.
BC: Thank you. It helps to bite that someone as many times as possible.
{Pause}
BC: {looking at Momma's work} NO! NO! Not like THAT!
MK: What? Not like what?
BC: There should be ARROWS between the steps! Not a numbered list!
MK: This is good enough.
BC: NO! NO! It's NOT. We do this MY WAY! There must be ARROWS between the steps on the Cat Path!
MK: Would you like to draw this out yourself?
BC: Who's the expert around here?
MK: {sigh} Fine.
BC: Start over.
MK: {mumbling to herself as she gets another piece of paper and redraws everything with ARROWS between the steps} Okay. What comes after, "Bite someone?"
BC: Get a tasty whole chicken.
MK: How convenient.
BC: By the way, I need a tasty whole chicken to fulfill this step so I can move on to happiness.
MK: You don't NEED this step ... you just made the step up!
BC: But the map SPECIFICALLY shows that a tasty whole chicken is REQUIRED to continue on the path!
MK: You're the one who MADE THAT {seeing Bear's face} ... okay, okay ... what's next?
BC: Eat lots of tuna.
MK: {sigh} Of course.
BC: Then roll in the mud on the front porch.
{Pause}
BC: Then cuddle with one's Momma.
MK: How thoughtful of you to want to cuddle only after rolling in the mud.
BC: My middle name is thoughtful ... Bear Thoughtful Cat Kat.
{Pause}
BC: Hmmm .... that sounded better in my head.
MK: Just like rolling in the mud BEFORE crawling into my lap.
BC: No, that's just the way it's done.
MK: {sigh} Is that it?
BC: No. We have to draw the non-cat, BORING path.
MK: What's this "WE?"
BC: My brains and your thumbs.
To be continued tomorrow, the non-cat, BORING path to healing ....
Momma Kat/Bear Cat snuggles ...
Momma's favorite animal-related comics on the topic of life challenges:
*** Garfield by Jim Davis; July 21, 2001.
*** Mother Goose & Grimm by Mike Peters; March 23, 2002.
Featured posts of the day:
- Bear came up with the idea for the map in Again.
- Meet Male Princess Bear Cat of the Forest in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 22 ("On tiaras," part 1 and part 2).
- Bear's campaign for a tasty whole chicken: TMC ISO TWC.
- Bear's pen fetish: When a Sexy Cat Lacks Sexy Things.
- Bear's "aliens:"
- Gary and Larry were introduced in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 20 {"On Gary and Larry (and Bear's unique take on April Fool's Day)"}.
- Gary and Larry return in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 27 {"Incatnating Bear (Gary and Larry - part 1)," "The lobster (Gary and Larry - part 2)," "The drinking game (Gary and Larry - part 3)," and "* * * - - - * * * ,"} and They've landed.
Bear, you should be a psychiatrist! Your plan is just brilliant!
ReplyDeleteMomma DOES say that despite my skills at destroying things, I fix everything :) I should be bottled and sold ... err ... that sounded better in my head :) ~Bear Cat
DeleteLooks like a pretty good map to me, Bear. Is it working for your Momma?
ReplyDeleteLots of cuddles with me fixes anything! Good thing too because she's a bit slow in the map reading department. ~Bear Cat
DeleteThat is a great map Bear. All it really needs to say though is if you are feeling bad, cuddle with Bear.
ReplyDeleteTrue that!
DeleteI do love it when a plan comes together! I think that quote is from the A-Team But I think the B Team plan is way cooler, and tastier! PS I tell my peep NOT to be too hard on self, and to eat well but not badly, but to enjoy a treat..... We are having a Bring a Mouse and Niptini evening soon so are welcome to all come by. Purrs ERin
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have the right priorities, ERin :)
DeleteThat map is pretty cool Bear but that creative fringing is most impressive!
ReplyDeleteThank you. I've had lots of practice ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteIt's good that you work on your map and plan together!!! We think the cuddling is the best part!
ReplyDeleteThe Florida Furkids
DEFINITELY!!! ~Momma
DeleteIt's alright ;) ~Bear Cat