MK: Momma Kat
BC: So I read all the comments on our post about the Chickpocalypse and I'm confused.
BC: WAIT A ... WE HAVE TO DO A LINE-UP!
MK: Bear! Stop pacing in front of the camera!
BC: Alright, let's print them!
MK: In what way?
BC: Well, one reader thought the weasel syndicate was to blame for my sign being ripped up in my litter box. Aren't weasels bad enough on their own? Now they're ORGANIZED? That's almost scarier than a Chickpocalypse with rogue, nasty-tasting, fractional chickens running around!
MK: Good point.
BC: But then another reader said I need a fox or a weasel because chickens fear them. So are weasels bad or good?
MK: I have no idea.
BC: Then another reader offered YOU hugs and prayers. Why do YOU need hugs and prayers, when I'M the one facing the evil chickens?
MK: I'm sure that's what they meant.
BC: One person said you better watch your Amazon (what we call Amoron) account because you might get a nugget maker in the mail. You said there isn't such a thing as a nugget maker! Did you lie? And why would you randomly get one in the mail? I'm so confused. Because I couldn't find 'chicken pox' on Amoron. Do you think they sell weasels or foxes? Should I get foxes AND weasels or will that just be messy with lots of goriness? Or should I skip the weasels because they could come back to bite me in the butt? I need to arm myself against the chickens!
{Pause}
BC: Which reminds me ... Another reader told me that she thought it was the turkeys! I mean, I know it's no coincidence that 'fowl' is pronounced like 'foul,' but gobbling and clucking ARE different. And you wouldn't use a nugget maker on turkeys. And can you give a turkey chickens' pox?
MK: I have no idea.
BC: YOU KEEP SAYING THAT! Don't you know ANYTHING?
MK: I also saw another reader point out that you were SUPPOSED to be on strike because you wanted tasty whole chickens. At least that's what you said on Sunday when I tried to take your picture for Sunday Selfie #7.
BC: RATS! I KNEW I was forgetting something! But now I'm even more confused. Should I still be on strike even though I don't want any more rebellious chickens? Should I still want chickens, if only to exact my revenge? Those chickens just cause a lot of trouble!
BC: RATS! I KNEW I was forgetting something! But now I'm even more confused. Should I still be on strike even though I don't want any more rebellious chickens? Should I still want chickens, if only to exact my revenge? Those chickens just cause a lot of trouble!
MK: It's true. And several readers suggested NOT declaring war on the chickens.
BC: But ... but ... chickens are so WHOLE and so TASTY! And I'm willing to share my chickens! Plus! They TORE UP MY SIGNS!
MK: Err ... actually, one of your friends pointed out that the perpetrator might be closer to you than you think.
BC: The alien? Can he be trusted? Or is he just trying to obfuscate his and Gary's activities?
MK: {sigh}.
BC: His hint was, "You love her ... sometimes."
MK: {sigh}.
BC: His hint was, "You love her ... sometimes."
{Pause}
BC: {GASP!} PINK MOUSIE?!?! THAT HARLOT!
MK: Oh for the love of ...
MK: Oh for the love of ...
BC: Like most women, she's caused me a lot of problems already! She likes to go swimming - in the toilet or in my water bowl - and that gets me in trouble.
BC: A few times, she disappeared just to spite me. Like the time you found her when you turned the garbage disposal on.
BC: A few times, she disappeared just to spite me. Like the time you found her when you turned the garbage disposal on.
MK: Bear ...
BC: Oh ... no wait. I put her there that time. She was being mischievous and I just don't put up with that disrespect - not even from pink mousie! Things often get broken around here when I'm disciplining my micey. Catlateral damage. But back to her deceit! I almost declared war on the chickens over her deceit! Imagine if my plans had gone forward! I'd be chicken-less!
MK: Umm ... Bear? You ARE chicken-less.
BC: Sheesh. You don't have to rub it in!
{Pause}
BC: I need to have a conversation with pink mousie!
BC: {Indecipherable mumbles} Do you mind? We'd like PRIVACY! This is an 'A' and 'B' conversation! 'C' you later!
BC: Let's go to my office!
MK: Umm ... Bear? You ARE chicken-less.
BC: Sheesh. You don't have to rub it in!
{Pause}
BC: I need to have a conversation with pink mousie!
BC: {Indecipherable mumbles} Do you mind? We'd like PRIVACY! This is an 'A' and 'B' conversation! 'C' you later!
BC: Let's go to my office!
MK: What?
BC: I'm not talking to you!
MK: My desk chair is YOUR office?
MK: My desk chair is YOUR office?
BC: DO YOU MIND, I'M BUSY!
BC: WAIT A ... WE HAVE TO DO A LINE-UP!
MK: Maybe this is obvious, but WHY?
BC: Because that's how the police determine the perpetrator!
MK: If there are witnesses ... to pick the culprit out of a line-up.
BC: Nope. We have to do a line up. Pink mousie might be a lot of things, but a sign-ripping, litter box sniffer isn't one of them. Do the line up!
MK: Bear ... {seeing Bear's face} ... okay, okay.
BC: We need one of those backdrops.
MK: Bear ...
BC: NO! That's how you do it, Momma!
MK: Okay, okay. I'll make the backdrop. You round up the suspects.
{Pause as Momma and Bear work}
MK: Ready?
BC: Yes. First let's do them facing the camera.
BC: Now side-ways. I'm WATCHING you so you do it right!
BC: Because that's how the police determine the perpetrator!
MK: If there are witnesses ... to pick the culprit out of a line-up.
BC: Nope. We have to do a line up. Pink mousie might be a lot of things, but a sign-ripping, litter box sniffer isn't one of them. Do the line up!
MK: Bear ... {seeing Bear's face} ... okay, okay.
BC: We need one of those backdrops.
MK: Bear ...
BC: NO! That's how you do it, Momma!
MK: Okay, okay. I'll make the backdrop. You round up the suspects.
{Pause as Momma and Bear work}
MK: Ready?
BC: Yes. First let's do them facing the camera.
BC: Now side-ways. I'm WATCHING you so you do it right!
MK: Bear! Stop pacing in front of the camera!
BC: Alright, let's print them!
MK: Bear! No. Just no.
BC: But how will I know which one tore up my signs if we don't compare the prints on the torn signs to the suspects' prints?
MK: I'll humor you for a bit, but this is ridiculous!
BC: Then how am I going to find out who ripped up my signs?
MK: I DID IT!
BC: Hmph. It's about time.
MK: Wait ... WHAT?
BC: Hehehehehehe. You should have seen your face when I mentioned a nugget maker!
MK: (BLEEP) it, BEAR!
BC: Revenge is sweet. But not quite as sweet as tasty whole chickens.
MK: Bear, I spent a long time on this and you knew all along? (BLEEP)!
BC: On another subject, two of our feline friends said they'd never seen a cow close up before. We should organize a field trip to a cow factory!
BC: But how will I know which one tore up my signs if we don't compare the prints on the torn signs to the suspects' prints?
MK: I'll humor you for a bit, but this is ridiculous!
BC: Then how am I going to find out who ripped up my signs?
MK: I DID IT!
BC: Hmph. It's about time.
MK: Wait ... WHAT?
BC: Hehehehehehe. You should have seen your face when I mentioned a nugget maker!
MK: (BLEEP) it, BEAR!
BC: Revenge is sweet. But not quite as sweet as tasty whole chickens.
MK: Bear, I spent a long time on this and you knew all along? (BLEEP)!
BC: On another subject, two of our feline friends said they'd never seen a cow close up before. We should organize a field trip to a cow factory!
MK: Bear ...
BC: I know. I know. You say cows come from farms, but I'm not stupid. Everyone knows things are made in factories!
MK: Oh my head. I'm taking a nap.
BC: Do they sell nugget makers on Amoron? Because ...
MK: YOU'RE GROUNDED!
BC: Hehehehehehe. You'd think she'd secure her credit card.
MK: I heard that! What do you think I put in my pillow case that my head is now laying on?
BC: RATS!
MK: Oh my head. I'm taking a nap.
BC: Do they sell nugget makers on Amoron? Because ...
MK: YOU'RE GROUNDED!
BC: Hehehehehehe. You'd think she'd secure her credit card.
MK: I heard that! What do you think I put in my pillow case that my head is now laying on?
BC: RATS!
I do like your line up. Maybe your peep has just fessed up to stop you buying a nugget maker from up the Amazon, and the real perp is still out there waiting to strike again! My money, had I any to paw, would be on that glitter ball... with all that glitz it is covering something up! purrs ERin
ReplyDeleteYou're right. Sparkle Ball is all glitzy, but I bet he's ugly inside. Don't worry, I'll keep my eye on him. If worse comes to worse, I'll drop him in my water bowl until he confesses :) ~Bear Cat
DeleteWell if the momma hadn't fessed up, I would gone with stripey cat. I mean, look at that face! Guilt written all over it. Or not, in this case.
ReplyDeleteYep. Stripey Cat was my guess too. Her smile is pretty smug and sometimes she likes to cause problems too! ~Bear Cat
DeleteSounds like we've both got some criminal activity going on in our homes! --Mudpie
ReplyDeleteYou TOO? What is this world coming to?!?!?!? ~Bear Cat
DeleteYou are too funny! I love the line up- they are all too cute to be trouble though. Weasels are bad, very bad. And I recommend you keep the toilet lid down to prevent any swimming without a lifeguard on duty.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I keep meaning to put the lid down anyway ... too much other stuff ends up in there (99% courtesy of the cat!).
DeleteBear, you are a very handsome boy! Keep working your whole chicken angle....your human may cave yet and actually produce one...and about your line-up, well, they all look pretty cute or vaguely suspect (sparkly ball), so we feel it best to keep a sharp eye on all of them at all times...;p
ReplyDeletethe critters in the cottage xo
Thank you! My Momma doesn't tell me I'm handsome NEARLY enough! It's SO hard to find toys you can trust these days! I've got my eye on all of them. And there's always the toilet for the miscreants. ~Bear Cat
DeleteWe love the lineup. Your human is kind of a softie, Bear. We can't believe you made her crack like that. It must have been the threat of the nugget maker!
ReplyDeleteThe threat of a nugget maker makes even the hardest human crack :)
Delete