MK: Momma Kat
MK: Hi, Bear.
BC: Whew! You're finally awake!
MK: What's wrong?
BC: I've been doing a lot of redecorating!
MK: Uh oh. Am I going to regret waking up?
{Pause}
MK: BEAR!
BC: Uh oh.
MK: Why are there signs all over the house pointing in the direction of your food bowl?
BC: Because I want to be sure that any food that walks in the door knows where to go!
MK: Bear. Food just doesn't walk in the door.
BC: Then how does the food get to my food bowl? The food fairy? Wait, wait! I have a song! {AHEM}
Nummy Day,
Sweepin' the hungry away
With chicken, fish, turkey, tuna AND beef.
Can you tell tasty whole noms
How to get to Bear's food bowl.
Come and lie,
Everything will die,
Hungry Bear Cat's there,
That's where he eats.
Can you tell tasty whole noms
How to get to Bear's food bowl.
Nummy Day,
Nummy Day,
Sweepin' the hungry away
With chicken, fish, turkey, tuna AND beef.
Can you tell tasty whole noms
How to get to Bear's food bowl.
How to get to Bear's food bowl.
{Pause}
With chicken, fish, turkey, tuna AND beef.
Can you tell tasty whole noms
How to get to Bear's food bowl.
How to get to Bear's food bowl.
{Pause}
BC: TADA!
MK: How ... how ... err ...
BC: Great, wasn't it?
MK: Umm ... sure.
BC: I spent a lot of time making the signs ... I wrote them all by paw. I tried to use the scanner to copy one and this is what I got:
MK: Did you put the sign on the glass plate?
BC: NO! I was holding it in my front paw!
MK: I don't see it in the scan.
BC: Uh oh.
MK: Did you get distracted by the moving light again?
BC: Err ... no.
{Pause}
BC: {sigh} Maybe. I must've dropped the sign while I hunted the light.
{Pause}
BC: Look at that kitty belly! So adorable! Don't you think it's HANDSOME?
MK: You wrote a lot of signs by paw!
BC: I needed a lot so I could place them so that there's a marked path from every door and window to my food bowl!
MK: Bear, I'm the one that feeds you.
BC: YOU DON'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB!
MK: I watch your weight.
BC: And I watch YOUR weight. Maybe you should lay off the Kit Kats?
MK: Not what I meant.
BC: Well, at least the signs will direct you to my food bowl should you get lost.
MK: When have I EVER gotten lost on the way to your food bowl?
BC: Err ... I meant the signs will remind you to feed me.
MK: When have I EVER forgotten to feed you?
BC: Well, the ... umm ... that ... err ... LOTS OF TIMES!
MK: When?
BC: Umm ... You should be ashamed of yourself! Interrogating your cute little kitty cat like a common criminal! I can't handle the stress!
MK: When you make an outrageous claim, I'm allowed to question the proof you have to back up the claim.
BC: WAIT! You can't TAKE DOWN the signs!
MK: Bear. There are TWELVE SIGNS. Our house is less than 900 square feet. This is ridiculous.
BC: Then we need a bigger house. OH! I forgot the bathroom!
MK: BEAR! The only way anything is going to enter our house through the bathroom is if it comes up through the toilet.
BC: EXACTLY! Hello, fishy!
MK: You're ridiculous. First this "tasty, whole" business. Then your belief that animals are just going to walk in the house and surrender themselves in your food bowl. And NOW the signs! What's next?
BC: Good question. Let me think about it!
MK: That was a rhetorical question!
BC: My belly doesn't recognize rhetorical questions. Unless they are tasty AND whole rhetorical questions.
If you're a chicken, fish, turkey, tuna, or cow (tasty variety ONLY):
How do you get to Bear's food bowl? Start at the front door and walk toward the loveseat ...
... turn right at the loveseat.
Or starting from the cat tree (next to the front window), go right ...
When you get to the couch, continue right (right if looking toward the couch).
Or, if you're looking opposite the couch, continue left (left if looking at the entertainment center).
Bear leaves nothing to chance and will supervise ...
When you reach the hallway, go right.
At the end of the hall, turn left and you walk into his food bowl.
Bear will be waiting.
Now, if you accidentally (humans!) go in the master bedroom on the opposite side of the hallway and see the bed on your right (or start at the window in the master bedroom), turn around and go back toward the hallway.
If you cross the hallway and miss the food bowl AGAIN (idiot!) and you get to the cedar chest on the right in the second bedroom (or start at the window in the second bedroom), turn right ...
Until you get to the unused mini fridge Momma uses as a table ...
... and watch out for the food bowl this time!!! Bear will be waiting for you!
It took you long enough!!! {AHEM} This is where you flop down in Bear's food bowl because Bear's obviously (and always) hungry.
Now, for the dummies among you (psst ... MOMMA!) ...
If you see either if these things ... proceed accordingly. Of course, Bear will probably STARVE by the time you find his food bowl if you managed to wander this far off course ... in which case, you can probably just follow the moans of starvation.
BC: I spent a lot of time making the signs ... I wrote them all by paw. I tried to use the scanner to copy one and this is what I got:
MK: Did you put the sign on the glass plate?
BC: NO! I was holding it in my front paw!
MK: I don't see it in the scan.
BC: Uh oh.
MK: Did you get distracted by the moving light again?
BC: Err ... no.
{Pause}
BC: {sigh} Maybe. I must've dropped the sign while I hunted the light.
{Pause}
BC: Look at that kitty belly! So adorable! Don't you think it's HANDSOME?
MK: You wrote a lot of signs by paw!
BC: I needed a lot so I could place them so that there's a marked path from every door and window to my food bowl!
MK: Bear, I'm the one that feeds you.
BC: YOU DON'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB!
MK: I watch your weight.
BC: And I watch YOUR weight. Maybe you should lay off the Kit Kats?
MK: Not what I meant.
BC: Well, at least the signs will direct you to my food bowl should you get lost.
MK: When have I EVER gotten lost on the way to your food bowl?
BC: Err ... I meant the signs will remind you to feed me.
MK: When have I EVER forgotten to feed you?
BC: Well, the ... umm ... that ... err ... LOTS OF TIMES!
MK: When?
BC: Umm ... You should be ashamed of yourself! Interrogating your cute little kitty cat like a common criminal! I can't handle the stress!
MK: When you make an outrageous claim, I'm allowed to question the proof you have to back up the claim.
BC: WAIT! You can't TAKE DOWN the signs!
MK: Bear. There are TWELVE SIGNS. Our house is less than 900 square feet. This is ridiculous.
BC: Then we need a bigger house. OH! I forgot the bathroom!
MK: BEAR! The only way anything is going to enter our house through the bathroom is if it comes up through the toilet.
BC: EXACTLY! Hello, fishy!
MK: You're ridiculous. First this "tasty, whole" business. Then your belief that animals are just going to walk in the house and surrender themselves in your food bowl. And NOW the signs! What's next?
BC: Good question. Let me think about it!
MK: That was a rhetorical question!
BC: My belly doesn't recognize rhetorical questions. Unless they are tasty AND whole rhetorical questions.
If you're a chicken, fish, turkey, tuna, or cow (tasty variety ONLY):
How do you get to Bear's food bowl? Start at the front door and walk toward the loveseat ...
... turn right at the loveseat.
Or starting from the cat tree (next to the front window), go right ...
When you get to the couch, continue right (right if looking toward the couch).
Or, if you're looking opposite the couch, continue left (left if looking at the entertainment center).
Bear leaves nothing to chance and will supervise ...
When you reach the hallway, go right.
At the end of the hall, turn left and you walk into his food bowl.
Bear will be waiting.
Now, if you accidentally (humans!) go in the master bedroom on the opposite side of the hallway and see the bed on your right (or start at the window in the master bedroom), turn around and go back toward the hallway.
If you cross the hallway and miss the food bowl AGAIN (idiot!) and you get to the cedar chest on the right in the second bedroom (or start at the window in the second bedroom), turn right ...
Until you get to the unused mini fridge Momma uses as a table ...
... and watch out for the food bowl this time!!! Bear will be waiting for you!
It took you long enough!!! {AHEM} This is where you flop down in Bear's food bowl because Bear's obviously (and always) hungry.
Now, for the dummies among you (psst ... MOMMA!) ...
If you see either if these things ... proceed accordingly. Of course, Bear will probably STARVE by the time you find his food bowl if you managed to wander this far off course ... in which case, you can probably just follow the moans of starvation.
Featured post of the Day:
Have you missed any of Bear's "songs," like "How to get to Bear's food bowl?"
Have you missed any of Bear's "songs," like "How to get to Bear's food bowl?"
*** "I'm too sexy" ... from Kitty Diva or Pop "Tart?"
*** "Rudolph, the tasty reindeer " ... from "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 15 (On tasty reindeer).
*** "O Come All Ye Felines," and "Jingle mouse" ... from Christmas: Momma Kat and Her Bear Cat Style.
Are you SURE food doesn't walk in through the door? Are you positive? 'Cause some food has four legs, you know, and legs are made for walkin'. Walkin' in through doors. You know, some call that kind of food, mice. MOUSES!
ReplyDeletePurrs,
Seville
My Momma is much like yours (and the mouse CPR). She doesn't let me kill stuff (not even those 8 legged beasts most people call spiders). She lets my spiders get away or takes them outside! It's so cruel (to me). Hmm. Maybe we need a mouse or two. I bet she wouldn't be so charitable then! ~Bear Cat
DeleteAre you SURE food doesn't walk in through the door? Are you positive? 'Cause some food has four legs, you know, and legs are made for walkin'. Walkin' in through doors. You know, some call that kind of food, mice. MOUSES!
ReplyDeletePurrs,
Seville
My Momma is much like yours (and the mouse CPR). She doesn't let me kill stuff (not even those 8 legged beasts most people call spiders). She lets my spiders get away or takes them outside! It's so cruel (to me). Hmm. Maybe we need a mouse or two. I bet she wouldn't be so charitable then! ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, we like how your mind works...it is very thorough and um, vaguely one-minded...at least the food part of it is ;p
ReplyDeletethe critters in the cottage xo
My belly does the thinking :) ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear you are sooooooooo silly!! (this is the Mom saying that!) But............Cody thinks you are a GENIUS!! Now.........I must go hide my notebook and pens before HE tries to emulate you!!!! ((((hugs))))))
ReplyDeleteYou have NO IDEA how hard it is to find a pen around here! Every time I need one, I CAN'T FIND ONE! You'd think some cat came in here during the night and batted them all under the furniture. Oh, wait. No. That's me. RATS! ~Bear Cat
DeleteGreat song. Clearly your Momma needs to put up more signs :)
ReplyDeleteWe're in trouble if she puts up signs to my litter box.
DeleteThey aren't public facilities!
DeleteMOL, Bear! What a brilliant idea. Did it work? Did wandering foodstuffs make their way to your bowl? We're on a diet and need all the tips we can get over here!
ReplyDeleteNo. But my Momma took down all my signs! I'm sure it would've worked! My condolences on your diets ... have you tried pizza delivery? Yeah. Me neither. I get in enough trouble as it is :) ~Bear Cat
DeleteBear, that bowl looks completely full. We don't think you will ever starve. The photo of your underside is hysterical. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo
ReplyDeleteThat's what happens when my Momma wants to work and I want to play ;) ~Bear Cat
DeleteGosh, I a.ways thought food came in that front door! Or maybe the door to,the garage if they leave that garage door openrr. But then it might also come in through the patio door. Better get to making some signs. Good idea Bear.
ReplyDeleteThank you. It takes a lot of time to make that many signs without thumbs! Whew! I tell you ... LOTS of work! That first tasty whole turkey will make it all worth it though!
DeleteSo what happens if it's not tasty? How do you decide? Or is it up to them to decide and then leave if they feel they're not tasty? And that scan is pure awesome, Bear. Pure awesome.
ReplyDeleteDon't they know whether they're tasty or not ahead of time? I suppose I could taste-test before they surrender. Otherwise there'd be a build-up of non-tasty carcasses at my food bowl. That'd be terribly inefficient! ~Bear Cat
Delete