MK: Momma Kat
Daily conversation - Bear's naming names:
BC: Bow down!
MK: Excuse me?!?!
BC: The Fexcess has arrived!
MK: Umm ... what are you talking about?
BC: I'm Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest, Feline Expert.
MK: This is getting ridiculous! You can't just keep adding names on to "Bear" whenever you feel like it.
BC: Why not? Beverly Daniel said I could be whatever I want to be!
MK: That's a lot to say at one time, Bear.
BC: No. That's why you may call me Fexcess. Get it?
MK: "Fe" for feline and "excess" for your ridiculously excessive name? That or it's shorthand for saying all cats are the masters of dramatic excess.
BC: NO. "Fe" for feline, "ex" for expert, and "cess" for Princess. Of course, you may also call me, "The Cat Formerly Known as Bear" or "Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest, Feline Expert."
MK: TCFKAB?
BC: TCFKAB you!
MK: No. That's the first initial of each word in "The Cat Formerly Known as Bear."
BC: Is FEXPERT better?!?! Fexprince?
MK: Maybe you should just stick with, "Bear," or "Pooh Bear." If you want to get fancy, then maybe "Princess Bear?"
BC: Can I call you "The horribly mean Momma?"
MK: You already call me that.
BC: But Beverly SPECIFICALLY said I could be ANYTHING I want to be.
MK: Yeah. About the feline expert thing ...
BC: About what?
MK: You remember how I'd been working offline and before I ran some errands, I thought I'd check our Facebook page quickly?
BC: Continue.
MK: And since I was in a hurry, I read and typed for you since I was in a hurry and it would take you longer to do both ...
{Silence}
MK: Well, I misread her comment. She ACTUALLY said I was the feline expert - not you.
BC: That's crazy! You're not a cat!
MK: I'm aware.
BC: SHE knows you're not a cat, right?
MK: I'm pretty sure.
BC: I thought she was my friend! I thought she UNDERSTOOD me!?!?!
MK: She is! She always supports you, Bear.
BC: YOU'RE FIRED!!!
MK: What? Why?
BC: That's one mistake TOO MANY! The first time you commented on my best friend Malccy's page, you called him a pretty girl! Then, there was that comment to our friend Phoxy that Magellan was a girl. You totally messed up the Sunday Selfies blog hop for the first two weeks we entered. And now you can't even read a comment correctly?!?! WHY DOES ANYONE READ OUR PAGE?!?!?! I HATE YOU!
MK: So I'm a bit tech challenged ... and a bit challenged when it comes to determining the sex of companion animals ...
BC: YOU NAMED ME "LILY!"
MK: HEY! Your male parts weren't obvious! The vet did an entire physical exam and didn't notice you were a boy until they took you to the back to give you an ultrasound because your belly was distended and she thought you were pregnant!
BC: Oh, so now you're insulting my BOY PARTS?!?! First, you insult my essential CATHOOD and then you insult my masculinity?!?! WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL ME FAT WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!
{Silence}
BC: WHAT?!?!?
MK: Well, the vet DID point out that you're definitely NOT missing any meals the last couple times he examined you.
BC: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) the (BLEEEEPING) (BLEEP)! And (BLEEP) you too! Your mother-meowing (BLEEP) is FIRED!
MK: Excuse me?!?!
BC: The Fexcess has arrived!
MK: Umm ... what are you talking about?
BC: I'm Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest, Feline Expert.
MK: This is getting ridiculous! You can't just keep adding names on to "Bear" whenever you feel like it.
BC: Why not? Beverly Daniel said I could be whatever I want to be!
MK: That's a lot to say at one time, Bear.
BC: No. That's why you may call me Fexcess. Get it?
MK: "Fe" for feline and "excess" for your ridiculously excessive name? That or it's shorthand for saying all cats are the masters of dramatic excess.
BC: NO. "Fe" for feline, "ex" for expert, and "cess" for Princess. Of course, you may also call me, "The Cat Formerly Known as Bear" or "Princess Buttercup Black Bear Cat of the Forest, Feline Expert."
MK: TCFKAB?
BC: TCFKAB you!
MK: No. That's the first initial of each word in "The Cat Formerly Known as Bear."
BC: Is FEXPERT better?!?! Fexprince?
MK: Maybe you should just stick with, "Bear," or "Pooh Bear." If you want to get fancy, then maybe "Princess Bear?"
BC: Can I call you "The horribly mean Momma?"
MK: You already call me that.
BC: But Beverly SPECIFICALLY said I could be ANYTHING I want to be.
MK: Yeah. About the feline expert thing ...
BC: About what?
MK: You remember how I'd been working offline and before I ran some errands, I thought I'd check our Facebook page quickly?
BC: Continue.
MK: And since I was in a hurry, I read and typed for you since I was in a hurry and it would take you longer to do both ...
{Silence}
MK: Well, I misread her comment. She ACTUALLY said I was the feline expert - not you.
BC: That's crazy! You're not a cat!
MK: I'm aware.
BC: SHE knows you're not a cat, right?
MK: I'm pretty sure.
BC: I thought she was my friend! I thought she UNDERSTOOD me!?!?!
MK: She is! She always supports you, Bear.
BC: YOU'RE FIRED!!!
MK: What? Why?
BC: That's one mistake TOO MANY! The first time you commented on my best friend Malccy's page, you called him a pretty girl! Then, there was that comment to our friend Phoxy that Magellan was a girl. You totally messed up the Sunday Selfies blog hop for the first two weeks we entered. And now you can't even read a comment correctly?!?! WHY DOES ANYONE READ OUR PAGE?!?!?! I HATE YOU!
MK: So I'm a bit tech challenged ... and a bit challenged when it comes to determining the sex of companion animals ...
BC: YOU NAMED ME "LILY!"
MK: HEY! Your male parts weren't obvious! The vet did an entire physical exam and didn't notice you were a boy until they took you to the back to give you an ultrasound because your belly was distended and she thought you were pregnant!
BC: Oh, so now you're insulting my BOY PARTS?!?! First, you insult my essential CATHOOD and then you insult my masculinity?!?! WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL ME FAT WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!
{Silence}
BC: WHAT?!?!?
MK: Well, the vet DID point out that you're definitely NOT missing any meals the last couple times he examined you.
BC: (BLEEP) (BLEEP) the (BLEEEEPING) (BLEEP)! And (BLEEP) you too! Your mother-meowing (BLEEP) is FIRED!
MK: I'm sorry. I'm not perfect.
BC: Not perfect?!?! NOT PERFECT? You make smart look stupid!
{Pause}
BC: I mean you make smupid look ...
{Pause}
BC: Oh, (BLEEP)! We're both screwed! I'm taking a nap.
MK: In your GLASS HOUSE?
BC: My ... Oh, (BLEEP) off!
Picture of the Day:
A hint of our Sunday Selfie theme for tomorrow ...
Featured post(s) of the Day:*** You can read more about Princess Buttercup in "Conversations" With Bear Cat: Part 22 (On tiaras, part 1 and part 2).
*** For more about how Momma and Bear met (including the mistaken femininity): The good news is your cat is not pregnant . . . the bad news is . . . (or How We Met). Or you can read about the story as Momma and Bear discuss it in Momma's Favorite Story.
*** Think Bear was a bit harsh on Momma? She was already put on notice in From Momma to ***WINNING*** {Bear post}.
You poor kitty, how dare your Mom tell all that private business about thinking you were a pregnant girl. You can't fire her, but I am sure you will think of something to get even.
ReplyDeleteTo be fair, Momma didn't think I was pregnant. That was the vet after she examined me. But yes, I will get even if I haven't already. I believe in pre-emptory retaliation. I just destroy a bunch of stuff when I want to and call it even. :) ~Bear Cat
DeleteThat's a wonderful picture of you Bear. If it makes you feel any better, we named Dexter "Ellie" for a few weeks until his man parts started to show up. And we were even told by our vet (who is no longer our vet) that he was a she. Which is why we named her Ellie.
ReplyDeleteOh NO! This one was completely my fault because I didn't know feline anatomy. Or maybe not. As I said, the vet did the entire physical exam and then decided to take "Lily" to the back for an ultrasound because she suspected "she" was pregnant. I'm guessing when they started to shave his belly, his boy parts stuck out. We only went to that vet for the 9 months I lived in Washington DC. And the more time that's passed, the more I wonder if that practice left a little to be desired (I'd done a lot of research to pick them, it wasn't a phone book pick). About a week before I moved back to St Louis, it became obvious that Kitty wasn't going to make it. When we moved there, she had diabetes and hepatic lipidosis and the "new" vet wanted to try new things to cure the lipidosis - maybe it made no difference, but I can't help but wonder if the one thing I agreed to change was what tipped the balance. She was almost 16 and both conditions ... maybe it would have happened anyway. I like the vet we have/had for over 20 years (first with Kitty, now Bear) - though there is one guy we avoid like the plague (we call him Meow McQuacky-Pants) because the one time he saw Bear, he lifted Bear up to a few inches away from his face and started meowing at Bear. Ummm ... no. Just no. Bear's freaked out by new people - men in particular - and I could tell Bear was so freaked out he just froze. It seems aggressive for a cat you don't know. Strange. Just strange.
DeleteOh, Bear! Watch your language, sweetie!!!
ReplyDeleteGuess where I learned that language? Yep. My Momma's really nice and all, but when you clear the shelves above the toilet into the toilet for the third time in a week, she can really get going. Not at me, of course. But at the universe in general and her forgetfulness that she forgot to put the lid down. Interestingly, she never gets mad at me :) Thankfully, I know how to write because I like to write down the words and phrases for future use. ~Bear Cat
DeleteShe named you Lily??? Oh there are major demerits for that.
ReplyDeleteYep. And she called me 'Lily' for the two or three weeks she fed me before she brought me inside. She thought Lily was perfect because I was such a love bug. Hehehe. Once she adopted me, the kitten gloves were off. "Bear" is so much more appropriate - both for my heart - and my cattitude! ~Bear Cat
DeleteHi TCFKAB. The whole name thing is much over rated, what I like hearing being called is "cream delivery has arrived" or "No really, you have that mouse, I'm full" Lovely picture by the window, by the way. Not sure if there was a way by the window by the way, just guessing at that. purrs ERin
ReplyDeleteGood point, Erin. "Treats" gets me every time. Phht. Bear. A top ten name for DOGS ... the only reason we add the "cat" on is because otherwise people get confused. I'll go check out the window by way, by the way. ~Bear Cat
Deleteps - Your new palace really suits you well. Are the mice pink now too?