If you missed the post including Bear's Christmas list, you can find it here: Bear Lobbies For His Christmas List.
BC: Bear Cat
MK: Momma Kat
BC: How are we going to celebrate Christmas?
MK: I don't know. We already had a bow party.
BC: That was for your birthday!
MK: I'm waiting.
MK: So much for the Christmas spirit.
BC: That was for your birthday!
MK: Funny. You played . . . I cleaned up.
BC: How's that any different from any other day then?
MK: Did you have something in mind?
BC: Are you going to get a tree?
MK: I hadn't planned on it . . . I know better. And it's kind of late.
BC: I want a tree!
MK: Okay.
BC: But you have to get one with a hammock this time!
MK: Wait, what?
BC: Last time you bought a tree there was no hammock! How can a cat enjoy a Christmas tree if there is no hammock?
MK: Bear, a CAT tree is different than a CHRISTMAS tree.
BC: I always forget, you don't know anything!
MK: Christmas trees have leaves and branches . . .
BC: What?
MK: They're coniferous and evergreen.
BC: Is that like an attitude? Because if a tree looks at me funny - even a Christmas tree with a hammock - I'll take that sucker DOWN!
MK: This is why we don't have a Christmas tree. Well, that, and the lights.
BC: Lights?
MK: They come on a string and you can't resist anything that looks like string.
BC: How would you know? All your cords are taped to the walls!
{Pause}
BC: Oh.
{Pause}
BC: You don't trust me! You treat me like I can't handle access to cords!
{Pause}
BC: Oh. Is this about the printer cord? And the modem cord? And WOO-EE!, that PHONE cord! And . . .
{Pause}
BC: Rats! You ruin all my fun!
MK: It wouldn't be very fun if you chewed far enough through the cord to electrocute yourself.
BC: I just drag it around for awhile! I don't CHEW. CHEW toys are for dogs.
MK: Oh, really? Because you've CHEWED my arm several times. In fact, I've made the joke that I'm your chew toy many, many times.
BC: I stand falsely accused!
MK: I'm waiting.
BC: Rats! I REALLY hate that camera. I think I'll give MYSELF a present and drop it in my water bowl. Or the toilet. Or both.
{Pause}
BC: Besides, you said nothing about me shocks you anymore. And I'd have to say, I can't be shocked anymore either!
MK: What's that have to do with chewing cords and electro . . .
{Pause}
MK: "Shocked," as in surprised, is very different from "shocked," as in electrocution. Electrocution can kill you.
BC: YOU could kill me. I know you plot against me . . . you're just waiting for the perfect time.
MK: My "plotting" involves clipping your claws, brushing your teeth, and taking you to the vet: all of which I do for your health.
BC: You always act like you know everything! I'm a cat! By definition, I'm smart . . . and stuff!
MK: Tell me more about this, "and stuff."
{Pause}
BC: Besides, you said nothing about me shocks you anymore. And I'd have to say, I can't be shocked anymore either!
MK: What's that have to do with chewing cords and electro . . .
{Pause}
MK: "Shocked," as in surprised, is very different from "shocked," as in electrocution. Electrocution can kill you.
BC: YOU could kill me. I know you plot against me . . . you're just waiting for the perfect time.
MK: My "plotting" involves clipping your claws, brushing your teeth, and taking you to the vet: all of which I do for your health.
BC: You always act like you know everything! I'm a cat! By definition, I'm smart . . . and stuff!
MK: Tell me more about this, "and stuff."
{Pause}
BC: So other people don't hang ornaments on their cat trees?
MK: No. They use the big green tree for ornaments.
BC: I want ornaments hanging off my tree, to bat around!
MK: Because things hanging in front of your face are the worst offenders when it comes to disrespecting you, right?
BC: SEE! You understand!
{Pause}
MK: And how long do hanging things last around you?
BC: Rats!
{Pause}
MK: Do you want to play with my dreidel?
BC: Is this part of your iniquities?
MK: What? NO! First, I don't HAVE any iniquities. And second, a dreidel is a top-like thing you spin around in a Jewish game for Hanukkah. Everyone has pieces they put in or take out of the pot in the center according to how the dreidel falls.
BC: We're not Jewish.
MK: Yes, I know that. But I went to a Jewish preschool and my parents thought I'd like a dreidel so I got one in my stocking all those years ago.
BC: They couldn't have gotten you a nice dinosaur?
MK: Hilarious.
BC: Are dreidels fun to play with?
MK: You mean, "Will it fit in my secret stolen stash spot?" Yes.
BC: Then whip it out and let's have some fun! Can we play for cat treats? Of course, I get to eat your stash too . . .
{Pause}
BC: Wait! No camera! This is just a photo op for the blog! I want no part of this! You tricked me! I've been SCREWED!
{Bear whacks the dreidel off the chair he's sitting on}
BC: That was kind of fun . . .
{Pause}
BC: But, no! You're worse than the paparazzi! Fine? You insist? I'm going to sit here and look really grumpy so I ruin the pictures!
MK: So much for the Christmas spirit.
BC: You said the dreidel was Jewish!
MK: Oh, WHATEVER! HOLIDAY spirit.
{Pause}
MK: At least I don't try to put antlers on you or dress you up for Christmas pictures.
BC: I'm a cat! If cats were meant to have antlers, God would have given them to us! And my fur is more beautiful than any of your clothes!
MK: So much for celebrating.
{Pause}
MK: At least I don't try to put antlers on you or dress you up for Christmas pictures.
BC: I'm a cat! If cats were meant to have antlers, God would have given them to us! And my fur is more beautiful than any of your clothes!
MK: So much for celebrating.
BC: What, you want to partake of your iniquities? Listen to hideous music and dance absurdly? Is THAT a holiday?
MK: Never mind.
BC: So where are you going to put my presents, if we don't have a Christmas tree?
MK: Presents?
BC: Don't roll your eyes at me, OLD lady!
MK: Bear, I give you presents all the time.
BC: So that's a reason to stiff me on Christmas?
MK: Would you prefer a bunch of presents on Christmas, or a new present every month?
BC: On the installment plan, it would take fifty months to finally get all my tasty whole chickens! That's almost a year!
MK: Actually . . . never mind. A year. But you aren't getting any chickens.
BC: Grinch! Hopefully, Santa's not so humbuggy!
MK: Would you like to sing some Christmas songs?
BC: Are you singing?
MK: I guess not.
BC: Can I do MY versions?
MK: Sure.
BC: Here goes . . . la, la, la, la, la, la . . . .
O Come All Ye Felines
Joyful and cantankerous,
O come ye, O come ye to see the Bear.
Come and behold him,
Joyful and cantankerous,
O come ye, O come ye to see the Bear.
Come and behold him,
Born the King of the Formidable;
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him,
O come, let us adore him,
Bear Cat, the Great.
BC: And here's another one:
Jingle mouse, jingle mouse,
Bear's about to pounce!
Oh what fun
it is to play
Bear's about to pounce!
Oh what fun
it is to play
In a BIG ole' pile of bows!
Dashing through wrapping paper,
In a cat-play wonderland
O'er the bows I go,
Little butt wiggles all the way.
I finally caught my mouse
showing my prowess
What fun it is to pounce and sing
A mousing song tonight.
Jingle mouse, jingle mouse,
Bear's about to pounce!
Bear's about to pounce!
Oh what fun
it is to play
In a BIG ole' pile of bows!
In a BIG ole' pile of bows!
MK: Wow. I'm speechless. That was . . . unique.
BC: A little applause wouldn't hurt!
{Momma claps for Bear, as he takes a little bow}.
BC: ENCORE! ENCORE!
MK: Umm . . . Bear, the AUDIENCE is supposed to call for an encore.
BC: Whatever.
BC: But I didn't get to the best part where I EAT the tasty reindeer!
MK: You can finish tomorrow . . . no violence before bed.
{Pause}
MK: It's getting late. Do you want to snuggle in bed and hear a Christmas story?
BC: Does it have whole chickens in it?
MK: No. But there are reindeer.
BC: Are they tasty reindeer? Because I'll take fifty tasty reindeer instead of fifty tasty whole chickens!
BC: ENCORE! ENCORE!
MK: Umm . . . Bear, the AUDIENCE is supposed to call for an encore.
BC: Whatever.
Rudolph, the tasty reindeer,
Had a very juicy . . .
MK: OKAY! That's enough.BC: But I didn't get to the best part where I EAT the tasty reindeer!
MK: You can finish tomorrow . . . no violence before bed.
{Pause}
MK: It's getting late. Do you want to snuggle in bed and hear a Christmas story?
BC: Does it have whole chickens in it?
MK: No. But there are reindeer.
BC: Are they tasty reindeer? Because I'll take fifty tasty reindeer instead of fifty tasty whole chickens!
MK: You're always thinking with your belly. Not that kind of reindeer, Bear . . . SANTA'S reindeer.
BC: {Yawn} Okay.
MK: I love you, Bear.
BC: I love you, Momma. Even if you don't get me tasty whole chickens.
MK: 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Momma Kat's house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even Bear's mouse;
The stockings were hung from Bear's cat tree with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;
Bear Cat was nestled all snug in the bed;
While visions of whole chickens danced in his head;
And Momma in her cat nightgown, snuggled right next to Bear,
She'd just settled her brain without so much as a care,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Bear sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew, all poofed up,
Climbed through the blinds and . . .
{Momma looks down to see Bear sleeping soundly, all snuggled up to her, just like in the story . . . and she smiles as she turns out the light}.
Bear Cat and Momma Kat appreciate all our readers - and wish all of you the best for the Holidays! Thank you for being a part of our lives. Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night!
Bear Cat and Momma Kat appreciate all our readers - and wish all of you the best for the Holidays! Thank you for being a part of our lives. Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good night!
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